TITLE: Shift Part 2

PAIRING: O/?

RATING: PG for now

SUMMARY: Olivia wants love and a family. Can she find it in the unlikliest of places?

Olivia was sitting at the same bar she’d been with the night she’d broken up with Kurt. She was drinking tonic water with lime and contemplating the last few months of her life. It was true, she did want kids and a solid relationship seemed to be the only way she was going to be able to achieve that in the eyes of an adoption agency; however Kurt just wasn’t the right one.

Something about him had bothered her from the beginning and the relationship had just never felt right. The sex was more than ok if not earth shattering, and he treated her well, but still, she just couldn’t commit to him. In fact, she was beginning to wonder if she could ever commit to anybody.

She was pulled from her reverie by a familiar voice ordering tequila, straight up. Looking to her right she saw the profile of Alex Cabot.

“Alex?”

Downing her shot the blonde turned to see the face of Olivia Benson. She felt her heart skip a beat.

“Olivia?” Signaling for another she got up and moved down the three stools so that she was sitting next to the brunette. “How are you?” Her eyes scanned the detective’s face and she felt a return of the feelings she used to get when they were working together.

And just as suddenly she finally realized that what she felt when she looked at Olivia was ‘that feeling’ she had told Jim about. She was so lost in the realization that everything she thought she was supposed to feel for Robert was what she felt when she looked at Olivia, that she nearly missed what the detective was saying.

“…so I broke up with him.”

Him? Olivia had been dating a man? She was straight? Alex was sure there’d been something between them all those years ago. Before her stubborn refusal to drop a case had sent her into hiding. Before her ill advised engagement to man several years older than her. Before she’d gotten a second chance at her old life and fucked it all up.

“Him?” She couldn’t keep the surprise out of her voice.

Looking annoyed Olivia snapped, “Yes, ‘him.’ What other gender would it be?” She knew she sounded like a shrew and that the Lincoln Haver case had hit a bit too close to home, but she couldn’t help her reaction.

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to imply anything. I just…” She sighed and ordered another shot. She ignored Olivia’s raised eyebrow. “Olivia, I’m sorry.” The way she said it caught Olivia’s attention.

“For what?”

“For not getting in touch when I came back. For ignoring you and the guys. For fucking up my life yet once again.” The last part was said so low Olivia almost missed it.

“It’s ok Alex. You’ve been…busy.” She glanced at Alex’s ring finger and not seeing the huge rock she’d heard Cabot was sporting, she raised her eye brow.

“I broke it off with Robert yesterday.”

Olivia raised her glass to Alex and offered a salute. “To the broken hearted.”

Alex clinked her glass to Olivia’s but couldn’t say she felt too broken up about splitting from Robert. He was a mistake and while she regretted hurting him, she did not regret breaking up with him. Political aspirations be damned.

“How about we blow this joint and get some food detective? Do you still frequent Hello Dahli’s?”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Two hours later the women had fallen right back into their routine pre-Valez. They had caught each other up on their lives since before and after Alex’s return and neither had laughed so hard in a long time.

Afterwards Alex insisted on seeing her home citing Olivia’s break-up was much more recent than hers by about 24 hours. Alex had come in for a cup of coffee and they’d talked for another hour before Alex noted the time and called it a night. She did however get Olivia to agree to lunch the next day.

Olivia ignored the way her body relaxed into Alex as the blonde hugged her good-bye and Alex tried to quell the thumping of her heart at Olivia’s close proximity. After she was back in the safety of her car, she let out a long breath and smiled at the way Olivia had seemingly clung to her.

“Oh Miss Benson this is the start of something beautiful.”

XXXXXXXXX

Olivia was surprised but also pleased when Alex called her both before and after their lunch the next day. She was unsure why, but she didn’t tell Elliot about seeing Alex or having lunch with her or that they were having dinner the following night.

They began spending all of their free time together over the next few weeks and Alex had finally decided she was up to seeing the guys again. She confessed to Olivia that she was hesitant to see them. Olivia assured her it would be fine.

And it was. Elliot, Munch, Fin and Cragen had all greeted her warmly and Fin and had asked none to gently when the hell she was coming back to SVU . He liked Casey as a person, but as an ADA she pretty much sucked.

“That’s very kind of you Fin, but Casey does a good job.”

“No she don’t. Girl tries hard, but damn, she just screws up the easiest cases sometimes!”

Alex felt the need to try and defend her fellow ADA . “That’s not true!”

In unison everyone, even Olivia said, “Yes it is.”

Hovering just outside the squad room was Casey Novak. She watched the scene before her play out and cringed at the way she saw Alex looking at Olivia. Whatever doubts she had about her decision, they were gone as she saw Alex perched on Olivia’s desk. Shoring up her courage, she pasted a smile on her face and walked into the squad room.

“Hi guys!”

Chatter stopped immediately and Alex, feeling sorry for her co-worker, stood and greeted the other woman.

“Casey, it’s good to see you again!”

She looked around, nodded and decided to jump right into her announcement.

“Alex, Olivia, guys. I wanted you to hear this from me first. I’ve given my resignation to Jack. I’m taking a job with a firm here in town that specializes in child advocacy.”

All eyes glanced in Alex’s direction before darting back to Casey. After a moment of complete silence Olivia was the first to congratulate Casey.

XXXXXXXXXX

Alex joined Olivia as she sat on the ADA ’s couch. Alex had had the detective over for dinner and they were discussing the latest development with Casey.

“I just feel so sorry for her Alex. She’s a competent attorney but damn, she just has no courtroom presence.” She placed her hand on top of Alex’s and smiled. “Unlike some blonde ADA ’s I know.”

Alex turned her hand so that their fingers were linked. “That’s very kind of you to say.” She began to stroke the back of Olivia’s hand with her thumb and both women grew silent.

“Liv.”

“Alex.”

They both giggled.

“Go ahead Liv.”

“I just wanted to say that it’s been so much fun spending time with you these last couple of weeks. I’m glad to have a friend again.”

Alex felt her heart drop a little at the use of the word ‘friend’ but decided to press on with her plan. “Friend? Is that how you see me Olivia? As a friend?”

Confused the brunette cocked her head. “Yeah. My…my best friend, I guess.” She thought about what she’d just said and realized it was true. Alex Cabot was her best friend. The person she wanted to share everything with. “Why, what do you….”

She was cut off by Alex’s lips on hers as the blonde had moved into Olivia’s personal space and was now kissing her. More importantly, Olivia was kissing her back. Her mind was reeling. She was kissing another woman. She was kissing Alex Cabot. She was getting turned on by kissing Alex Cabot. Her mind was confused but her body certainly was not. Her nipples had hardened and there was a distinct wetness between her legs.

Ignoring all of this, she pulled away from Alex and mumbling an apology she headed out the door.

Alex sighed and settled back into her couch. Replaying the last few weeks and particularly tonight she smiled. Olivia Benson had definitely returned the kiss and with fervor. Alex decided this was a marathon, not a sprint, and that good things come to those who wait.

XXXXXXXX

Across town

“Olivia…”

The brunette threw herself at her former lover and pushed him toward his bedroom. Alex’s kiss had stoked a fire in her that she hoped Kurt Moss could extinguish.

Afterwards she slipped out of his grasp and quickly dressed. The sex had been the best they’d ever had, but it was still lacking for Olivia. She refused to think about who had led her to that state of arousal.
XXXXXX

2 Weeks Later

Alex Cabot slammed down the phone and cursed, not for the first time, Olivia Benson. The brunette had been avoiding Alex ever since their kiss. She had not returned any of Alex’s calls, emails or notes. Grabbing her coat, Alex Cabot took off in the direction of the 16th precinct.

“Elliot, where’s Olivia?”

As if on cue Olivia and an older man came walking through the doors, laughing. Alex felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up as she watched the creepy old guy as her brain had immediately thought of him, wrap himself around Olivia. She watched as Olivia planted a kiss on his lips. She took some satisfaction at the look of surprise and guilt that passed over Olivia’s face upon seeing the blonde.

“A-Alex. What are you doing here?”

Running her tongue across her upper lip she glanced between the two. “I need to speak with you.” She looked at creepy guy and then back at Olivia. “If that’s ok with your ‘friend.’” She smiled sweetly at both of them before turning in the direction of the interrogation room.

Olivia found her sitting on the table, legs crossed at the knee and arms crossed. She refused to look at Alex and stood silently for a good three minutes. Alex sighed, got off the table and walked over to Olivia. She tilted the shorter woman’s chin up.

“Olivia, I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable the other night. I value your friendship and hope to have you in my life as a friend if nothing else.” She waited for Olivia to acknowledge what she’d just said.

“Alex, I’m sorry but I’m just not…that way. I didn’t realize you were and I’m sorry if I gave you any mixed signals.”

Alex laughed which brought Olivia’s head up.

“I’m assuming that by ‘that way’ you mean gay?” She didn’t give Olivia a chance to acknowledge what she’d just said. “First of all Liv it’s just a word. A word has no meaning until we as humans give it one. Second, and not that this makes any difference, but I do not consider myself gay.” She thought for a minute. “Or straight for that matter.” She wanted to say she was just ‘Olivia’ but thought that might send the already panicked looking woman to the alter with creepy man.

“So….?”

Alex placed her hand on Olivia’s forearm. “I’m just Alex Cabot. Blonde, blue eyed, gorgeous and a kick ass attorney.” Seeing Olivia’s shocked expression, she winked and gave her a smile.

“Seriously Olivia, will you go out to dinner with me tonight as a way to make this up to you?”

“I’d love to!” She suddenly remembered Kurt. “Oh, wait, I have plans with Kurt tonight.”

“Oh, ok.”

Alex turned to leave when Olivia stopped her. “Wait! I can, I can change my plans.” She gave Alex a crooked smile. “I’ve been spending a lot of time with him recently. He’ll understand.”

“Pick you up at 7 at your place.”

Alex left the station smiling and left behind an inexplicably giddy detective.

XXXXXXXXXX

Alex arrived promptly at 7 to pick Olivia up and was delighted when she saw the detective in low riding, tight fitting chinos and a low cut skin tight blouse. She had to avert her eyes to keep from ogling Olivia’s cleavage.

As they had dinner at a Mexican restaurant Alex had chosen, Olivia brought up the subject of Alex’s sexuality again.

“Alex, um, so…this uh….”

Deciding to let the detective off the hook, Alex stopped her. “You want to know if this is an active part of my lifestyle and if so why I was engaged to Robert, blah, blah, blah?”

“Yeah.”

Alex decided to lay all of her cards out on the table and see where it might lead. She was not at all convinced that Olivia was a straight arrow.

“I kissed a few girls during college and law school. However, I knew I had political ambitions and that girl love just wasn’t going to play to the masses. And that was ok because by the time I graduated from law school I was in a serious relationship with a guy. We ended up going our separate ways when I started with the D.A.’s office.”

She paused while the waiter served them dinner.

“Then I started with SVU and I didn’t have time for a social life.” She shrugged and took a drink of her margarita. She hesitated before she continued. “And then I started getting to know you and all those old feelings started to bubble up.” At Olivia’s confused expression she explained, “Feelings for another woman.” She shrugged.

“Oh.”

“It’s ok Liv. I just thought I was getting signals from you but after the other night I get that you are just an incredibly empathic woman and I mistook your care and concern where I’ve been concerned as something more.” She shrugged.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t understand. What did I do?”

Alex smiled at her and shook her head. “Don’t worry about it Olivia.”

Intrigued, Olivia just had to know more about the ADA ’s sex life. “So you’ve never actually….” She was gesturing with her hands.

“Made love to a woman?” Olivia nodded. “Oh heaven’s yes. That was the only good thing to come out of witness protection. I got to start over and be whoever I wanted to be. I didn’t have to worry about political ramifications, voters or job security.”

Olivia was confused. “But you had a ‘good man’ in Wisconsin !”

Alex gave her an indulgent smile. “My good man was actually a good woman. Wisconsin was my second location. My first was in Portland , Oregon . Hello! Lesbians galore!”

Olivia felt a surge of…something at the thought of Alex in a lesbian Mecca . She laughed nervously. “So I guess you were uh, pretty popular?”

“Not as popular as I could have been, but I knew a woman or two.” She shrugged again. “ Hammond thought it was a perfect cover as well. As far as Velez and his cartel knew I was the poster child for breeders.”

“Breeders?”

“The gay slang for heterosexuals. You know those who wish to propagate the planet with their genes.”

Olivia smiled and then became very quiet. “I want a child.” When she looked back up at Alex she had tears in her eyes.

“Liv?” The other woman shrugged. “Why are you so upset?”

Olivia proceeded to tell Alex about her disastrous meeting with the adoption agency. She gave Alex a weak smile and said, “I guess you don’t want kids, huh?”

“Actually, I do. Robert didn’t. He has a son from a previous relationship and made it very clear that he didn’t want any more.”

“Is that why you broke up with him?”

Alex considered her answer. “No. It was certainly a reason, but deep down I just never felt that connection with him. That feeling I’ve always thought I should have when I finally find the person I’m supposed to be with.” That feeling I have with you.

Olivia looked away and then back. “I know what you mean. I enjoy being with Kurt, but I just don’t feel all excited at the thought of being with him. At first I thought maybe I was still trying to put a youthful slant on my relationship with him. And then I thought that I could settle for the stability he offered.” She shrugged.

“And now?”

“I…I don’t know.” She blushed as she admitted, “I only got back together with him after…you…you know.”

“Kissed you?” Olivia nodded. “Detective, you are aware that you did in deed kiss me back, right?”

Her blush became more pronounced. “Well…it was your fault!”

Alex decided to let her off the hook and steered the conversation into more neutral waters.

Once again she walked Olivia to her door and gave her a hug and peck on the cheek. She pretended not to notice that Olivia’s nipples responded quiet nicely to their close proximity.

XXXXXXXXXX

That night Olivia Benson made a decision. Picking up the phone she called Kurt and for the second time in as many weeks she broke up with him. That night she had a very erotic dream featuring Alex Cabot. She woke up with her panties soaked and her heart racing.

Blocks away in a luxury apartment Alex Cabot had satisfied herself to thoughts of Olivia Benson and was now in a dreamless sleep. She had placed on online order for flowers to be delivered to the detective the next day and put her plan to woo the brunette into full swing.

The deliveryman brought in a bouquet of flowers and sat them on Olivia’s desk. Surprised and fearing they might be from Kurt she grabbed the card before Munch could get his hands on it and moved over to the coffee station to read it. Relief followed by embarrassment washed over her as she realized they were not from Kurt, but rather Alex. She felt her face flame as she recalled the dream from the night before.

Olivia-

I had a lovely time. Thank you for letting me make it up to you.

Alex

She re-read the card and slipped it into her back pocket. She ignored Elliot’s questioning gaze and sat down to her paperwork. As soon as the guys left for lunch, she gave Alex a call.

“Hey.”

“Olivia.” She was unsure how her flowers would be met and decided to let Olivia take the lead.

“I got the flowers. Thanks.”

“Good. Glad you liked them. I was a little unsure of sending them, but, well….”

“No, no! It was a nice gesture.” The silence enveloped them and just as Alex was about say something, Olivia spoke up. “I broke it off with Kurt. Again.”

On the other end of the line Alex Cabot smiled. Trying to keep her tone neutral she replied, “Oh? When did you do this?”

“Last night after I got home. After our talk and all…I mean, the part about not connecting with the men in our lives, well, you know.”

Alone in her office Alex Cabot did a fist pump. Her assistant came into the office mid pump and gave her a strange look.

“Liv, I have to go but do you need anything?” Like me between your legs? “Or do you want to get together later?”

“That sounds nice Alex. How about we get ice cream, my treat?”

“Great. I’ll drop by and pick you up around 7?”

Olivia smiled. “You don’t have to pick me up, how about we just meet at that little place around from your apartment?”

Alex decided to test the waters and changed into a striped men’s cut shirt, leaving the top two buttons undone. Thinking better of it she undid a third button and adjusted her shirt. She had also changed into a black lace bra and smiled as she realized you could just see the top of the lace. She also took out her trademark black glasses. Deciding to really try and send Olivia into a tizzy she took them off and replaced them with her tortoise shell glasses.

“Oh detective, you won’t know what hit you.”

XXXXXXXXXX

Olivia felt ridiculous. She’d gone home and changed three times until she finally found an outfit she deemed worthy of Alex. She castigated herself for going to so much trouble for an ice cream date. She stopped short when she realized she’d just called whatever she was doing with Alex a “date.”

Alex arrived first and perched herself on a stool in the corner so she could observe Olivia. The damn woman looked too good for her own good. She drew in a sharp breath as she watched the sunlight play off of Olivia’s hair in the fading sunlight.

She waved at Olivia and watched the other woman’s reaction to her. She smiled inwardly as she noticed the other woman faltered upon seeing her. Olivia’s eyes betrayed her as they darted from Alex’s face to her chest and back to her face.

“Alex!”

The blonde slid off the stool and took Olivia into her arms and hugged her. “I’m sorry about Kurt.”

Olivia gave a half shrug and started to pull away but not before Alex caught her looking down her shirt.

“Detective, my eyes are up here.” She grinned as Olivia blushed again.

XXXXXXXXXX

They took their ice cream outside and sat at a small café table in front of the shop. Alex made a deliberate show of eating her ice cream, running her tongue around and nipping the ice cream all the while ignoring Olivia.

When she’d finished her cone she turned her attention to the brunette who had missed her mouth several times while watching Alex. She watched as a long slender finger made it’s way to the corner of her mouth and swiped a glob of vanilla ice cream away. She brought the finger to her own mouth and sucked it clean.

Olivia swallowed hard and quickly jumped up, deciding it was time for them to leave. She shoved her half eaten cone into the trash and looked back at Alex who was just barely managing not to grin.

Alex had asked her up to her apartment and Olivia had willingly gone.

XXXXXXXXXX

“So Liv, what are you going to do now that you’ve broken the poor guys heart twice?”

“I don’t know. I just…I freaked out when you kissed me Alex.”

Alex arched an eyebrow and replied, “And why did you freak out Olivia? Was my kiss that bad?”

“N-No. It was a great kiss Alex. You’re a great kisser I just…well, I’m just not that way.”

Alex decided to let go of the topic for now and switched to her alternate plan.
“Hey Liv, you like the Yankees, right?” Seeing the woman nod she pushed ahead. “My brother is in town Saturday night and we have tickets. I usually just give them away but since he’s in town I’ll be expected to go with him. I’m not a big baseball fan and it’d be nice to have a friendly face go with me. Can I count on you?”

Olivia was excited. “Alex! They’re playing the Red Sox. Those tickets are like gold! Hell yes I’ll go!”

Alex smiled. “Thank goodness! The last time we went I was with Robert and he bored my brother to death talking about investments. Trey almost killed me.”

“Wait a minute, you have a brother?”

“And a sister.”

“What’s the ‘Trey’ stand for?”

“Hamilton Alexander Cabot, the III.”

“Since you’re named Alexandra I’m guessing he’s younger?”

Alex nodded. “Daddy told mom he was going to have a namesake and since I was a girl he took what he could get. My sister is Trey’s twin and the youngest by 7 minutes.”

“Twins, wow!”

“Come on Olivia, let’s get you home. It’s getting late and I have to baby sit one of the children in court tomorrow.”

XXXXXXXXXX

As Alex was dropping her off, Olivia came to a decision. “Hey Alex, you wanna do something tomorrow night? You know, since it’s not a school night?”

“I’m sorry Olivia but I have plans with Serena Southerlyn.”

“The lesbian?”

Alex laughed. “Well before she was a lesbian she was just plain ol’ Serena the ADA. And one of my best friends since law school.”

Olivia let out a relieved sigh. “So you two aren’t dating or anything?”

Alex laughed. “Heaven’s no! We’d kill each other. We are however going to a gay bar for dancing and drinks.”

“Oh.” Olivia looked at her hands. “I thought maybe you were going to a movie or something.”

Alex touched her face. “Look at me Olivia.” When she had her full attention she whispered, “I’d ask you to come but considering your reaction to my kissing you, I don’t think you’d be very comfortable.”

“You’re going to be kissing somebody?!”

“If I’m lucky.” Alex cocked her head. “Actually if she’s lucky.”

Olivia hurriedly said her good-byes and bolted from the car.

Alex watched her go and making sure she made it into her building, she picked up her cell phone and called Serena, making plans to go to a very gay bar the next night.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Cabot.”

“Hey, it’s me.”

“Hey you. What’s up?”

“Nothing really, just wanted to call and say thanks for last night.”

“That’s what friends are for Olivia. I’m sure you’d do the same for me.”

“So…”

“Yes?”

“I guess you’re getting ready to head out, huh?”

Just then Alex’s cell phone rang. Looking at the caller ID she saw that it was Serena. “Speak of the devil. Liv, I’ve gotta take this, ok? Why don’t we grab breakfast tomorrow morning?”

XXXXXXXXX

Olivia trudged home and found herself thinking more than once about Alex and if anybody was being kissed by the blonde.

Knock it off Benson. You’re straight and Cabot doesn’t seem to be a one night stand kind of girl. You’re mooning over her!

She settled into her couch and idly flipped through the channels, stopping on an episode of the L Word.

Meanwhile…..

Alex Cabot had hit the dance floor with no fewer than a dozen women. A few had tried to get a little too touchy feely and she’d shut them down immediately. Now she sat across from Serena discussing her ‘Olivia Benson’ issue.

“Alex, she’s either scared or really not interested. Either way, is she worth the effort?”

Alex studied her drink before looking Serena square in the eye. “Yes, she is. Serena, I spent two years in witness protection and all it got me was the freedom to pursue the sapphic arts. Granted, that was a lovely discovery, but it also taught me to go for what I want when it comes to relationships.”

“And you want her?”

Alex nodded. “And more importantly she wants me.” At Serena’s look she continued, “Look, before I left we had become close. Very close.”

“You slept together?”

Alex shook her head. “No, but we came very close to kissing and would have if that bone head Munch hadn’t walked into the crib at that very moment.” She sighed. “We didn’t have time to revisit it before Velez.” She shrugged.
“Then why the Hell did you tell her you were shagging some claims adjuster, male claims adjuster I might add, in Wisconsin?”

“Not a topic for discussion.” Seeing an old friend on the dance floor, she stood, downed her drink and shared a dance with a hulk of a woman.

Serena watched for a few minutes before finding her own dance partner.

XXXXXXXXX

1 am Denny’s

Three women sat at a table laughing and discussing old times. Cindy, an incredibly androgynous woman had taught both Alex and Serena in law school and was now practicing law at one of the biggest firms in town.

Serena looked at her watch and informed them they needed to leave as she had a brunch date with a new possible romantic interest and wanted some beauty sleep.

They all piled into Alex’s car and after they dropped Serena off, Alex invited Cindy back to her place. She’d always valued the older woman’s opinion and she wanted her advice on Olivia.

They talked for another couple of hours before Alex told her to stay because it was too late to leave. They crashed in Alex’s bed and slept until the buzzing from the intercom awoke them.

“Shit! That’s Liv! Can you go let her in and tell her I’m in the shower?”

A bleary eyed Cindy opened the door to find a shocked looking Olivia standing there. The smile she’d been wearing quickly disappeared and was replaced by a frown. She peered into the apartment.

“Alex here?”

“Yeah. She’s in the shower. Told me to let you in. I was just on my way out.” She looked Olivia up and down and smiled at her.

Alex found her sitting on the couch, starring off into space.

“O-Liv-I-a?”

“What?”

Alex smiled at her. “I’ve been calling your name for a few minutes. Where’d you go?”

She shrugged. “I met your friend. I guess you got kissed last night after all, huh?”

Alex looked shocked. “Cindy? You think I hooked up with Cindy?”

“She was here and as far as I know you only have one bedroom and there aren’t blankets here on the couch.”

“Gave it that much thought did you?”

Realizing her mistake, Olivia tried to laugh it off. “I am a detective you know!”

Alex sat down beside her. “Liv, look at me. Cindy is an old law school professor of mine and Serena’s. We met up with her last night and then after dancing, in which I did not kiss anyone, we hit Denny’s. It was late.” She shrugged.

Olivia nodded. “She was kinda man-ish, but not in a tranny way.” They both kept silent for a moment as memories of Cheryl Avery washed over them. “Is that your type?”

Alex shook her head. “Not really. I prefer my women look like women. And Olivia when I first met you, you had a pretty butch hair style.” Alex mussed Olivia’s hair. “But you always managed to look like a woman.”

Alex pulled her up. “Oh Liv, I do have a spare bedroom. Now let’s go eat before I starve to death.”
They spent the day kicking around SoHo waiting until closer to time to get ready for the ball game. As time drew near, Alex changed and then accompanied Olivia back to her place so she could get ready.

“Hey Alex? Does your family know about you? The girl thing I mean?”

“Yep.” Seeing Olivia’s surprised look she added, “Olivia, after thinking I was dead for two years, finding out I like to much carpet wasn’t that big a deal.”

Hearing Alex’s almost vulgar description of lesbian sex sent an unexpected jolt to Olivia’s nether regions.

Alex leaned in and whispered “If you’re a good girl, I might just let you see that spare bedroom sometime.”

“Are you blind? That was a strike you moron!”

Trey nudged his sister on the arm and whispered, “I like her! A hell of a lot more interesting than Robert!” He gauged his sister’s response to hearing the name Robert. “I can see you are broken up over him.”

She shot him a nasty glare. “Robert is persona non grata, got it? It was a stupid mistake and one I deeply regret. I am sorry I hurt him, but better now than after we were married and had a couple of kids.”

“Are you kidding me?” Olivia looked at Alex and Trey and pointed in the general direction of the batter’s box. “Did you see that? What a knuckleheaded call!” The umpire turned to face Olivia as their seats were right behind home plate. It was between innings and he broke protocol to come over and address Olivia.

“What’s your problem lady?”

Olivia whipped out her gold shield and replied, “That’s detective to you and you’re blind!”

He took in her appearance and then nodded appreciatively. “Hey…” He was about to invite her out after the game when he caught Alex glaring at him. “Damn dyke.”

“And damn proud of it moron!”

Both Olivia and Trey exclaimed, “Alex!” at the same time.

“What?”

XXXXXXXXXXX

3 Weeks Later

Alex had sweet-talked the superintendent into letting her into Olivia’s apartment. The squad had just made an arrest in a child rape case and she knew Olivia had taken it hard. She knew because on more than one night she’d talked to Olivia on the phone calming her down. The case had interrupted the amount of time they’d been able to spend together and Alex was hoping to reclaim some of that by fixing a surprise dinner for the brunette.

Alex had been patient with Olivia and hadn’t tried to make a move beyond friendship. She had however flirted with the detective a few times and to her delight, Olivia had flirted back. Her lack of culinary skills was widely known and she’d never be on the FoodNetwork, she had learned a thing or two during her time in witness protection.

She went about frying chicken and making dirty potatoes. She did cheat on desert and stuck a pie into the oven to warm up. Hearing a key in the lock she wiped her hands and went to surprise Olivia. However, the person who was surprised was her.

“Alex.”

The blonde looked between Olivia and creepy old guy and feeling embarrassed, she tried to make a graceful exit.

“I know you guys made an arrest today in the Givens case and I know how hard it’s been on you this last week so I got your super to let me in. I thought you might could use a home cooked meal.”

“You cooked for me?”

“It was no big deal. You two enjoy!” She tried to sound cheery but inside she was kicking herself. Olivia followed her to the door and tried to stop her.

“Why don’t you join us?”

Alex looked between Olivia and Kurt and shook her head. “Go ahead guys and enjoy yourselves.”

Before Olivia could move, Alex was out the door and taking the steps instead of the elevator.

XXXXXXXXXX

“I told….”

“Shut up Serena. I am in no mood to hear I told you so.”

Serena downed her drink and looked out over the dance floor. She nudged Alex when she caught site of a certain redhead from the DA’s office. She pointed Alex in the right direction and whispered, “I never knew she was lesbo.”

“Oh please. She plays softball, spends all of her free time at the batting cages and even bikes to work. Hardly a Susie Homemaker. And besides, the way she looks at Liv is a dead give away.”

“Jealous of her?”

“Serena, I’m warning you.”

“You better get ready because here she comes.”

“Hey guys.”

They both replied ‘Casey’ at the same time.

“Fancy meeting you here.” She gestured toward the seat next to Serena and sat down when the blonde nodded. She looked around and asked, “Where’s Olivia?” The look Alex gave her made her want to evaporate.

“Why would detective Benson be in a gay bar?”

“Because she’s gay?”

“Wrong. She’s currently in her apartment with her boyfriend eating a fried chicken dinner.”

Casey started to ask how she knew that but the subtle shake of Serena’s head stalled that idea.

“But I thought you two were…you know?”

Serena cringed at the look on Alex’s face. “Detective Benson and I are friends, nothing more.” Spying a dark haired woman who resembled Olivia in an abstract way, she replied, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I see my next piece of ass.” She shot Serena a look over her shoulder. “Don’t come looking for me.”

“Is she ok?”

Serena looked at Casey and saw her for perhaps the first time. “No, she’s not.” Serena weighed her words carefully before asking, “Would you like to dance?”

Alex had cozied up to the woman she’d gone after, but once in the bathroom stall she took a good look at the woman and thought of Olivia. Growling in frustration she pushed her tongue as far into the woman as possible and used her thigh to rub her center. In quick fashion, she’d brought the woman over the edge without ever having to use her fingers. She allowed the woman a minute to collect herself before pushing away from her roughly and fleeing the bathroom.

Catching site of Casey and Serena on the dance floor she groaned and waved good bye at Serena.

XXXXXXXXX

2 Days later

Olivia slammed down the phone.

“Damn!”

Casey came through the squad room at that moment and made her way to Olivia’s desk. It was her last day and she really wanted to have lunch with the detective.

“What’s wrong Liv?”

“Uh, nothing. Just trying to get in touch with Alex. You haven’t by any chance seen her have you?”

Casey laughed. “Not since the other night at O Bar. Last time I saw her she was dragging some woman into the bathroom. I think she called her, her next piece of ass.”

She watched as Olivia’s normally dark complexion paled.

“So anyway, it’s my last day and I was sort of hoping we could go to lunch?”

Distracted, Olivia brushed off Casey’s question and made her way out of the station house. She felt a need to find Alex. Alex was not in her office and her assistant said she’d taken the afternoon off. Unsure of what to do, Olivia returned to the station and found several messages from Kurt.

Sighing, she picked up the phone and returned his call. She had agreed to meet him at a coffee shop around the corner from Alex’s apartment.

XXXXXXXXX

1 Hour Later

Olivia knocked tentatively and finally heard footsteps. She could tell when Alex was looking out the peephole.
“Go away Olivia.”

“Alex…please.”

Something in her voice made Alex stop and go back to the door. Throwing it open she growled, “What?”

“Can I please come in?”

“No.” At Olivia’s surprised look Alex softened a bit. “Olivia, I’m sorry. This is my issue not yours. Look, I broke my own rule; ‘thou shalt not chase straight girls.’ I…I just need some time to get past this and I can’t do that with you around.”

She had turned to walk away when Olivia finally spoke.

“I need you.”

“What?”

She looked down at the ground. “I need you.”

“Are you sick?” Alex had ushered her into the apartment by this time and was trying to get Olivia to look at her. “Liv?”

“Not…exactly.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

Finally looking Alex in the eyes, she whispered, “I’m pregnant.”

“How the hell did that happen?” At Olivia’s alarmed look she waved off the comment. “I’m aware of biology. I just wasn’t aware that you were still sleeping with,” she almost said creepy guy but thought better of it, “…Kurt after you broke up with him.” And were…doing what with me?

Olivia, who was now sitting on the couch murmured, “I wasn’t.”

“Then who’s the father Olivia because it’s been 5 weeks since you broke it off with him.” Not that she’d been counting.

Olivia collapsed back against the couch cushions and rubbed her eyes. “I lost track of time during this last case. The other day I realized I was late and on a whim I took the test. Two blue lines.”

Alex nodded and schooled her expression to one of neutrality. “So, are you and Kurt getting back together? Is that why he was with you the other night?”

Olivia laughed a bitter, nasty laugh. “Kurt and I won’t be doing anything together ever again. I thought he had a right to know so I called him and that’s why he was with me the other night, not because I wanted him or was sleeping with him. He said he needed time to think about it.” She shook her head. “Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for.”

“Oh? What were you hoping would happen?”

“Not what did! He called me and wanted to meet me for coffee today, said he’d come to a decision.”

“And?”

“He wants absolutely nothing to do with this child. He’s offered whatever monetary help I need, but other than that he wants no contact with the child. He first asked me if I planned on having ‘it’ and then said he’d write a monthly check, but nothing more.”

Alex felt her blood begin to boil. “Did you not discuss your desire to have a child with him during your time together? Doesn’t he know this is what you want?”

“Yes and yes. Alex, it’s not like I expect him to marry me or even want to be with him. Just never having had a father myself, I thought….well I don’t know what I thought.”

“I’ll go fix some coffee and we can talk.”

XXXXXXXXXX

“Here. It’s decafe.”

Olivia scowled and looked at Alex as if she were offended. “Decafe?”

Alex sighed. “You shouldn’t drink caffeine while pregnant.” At Olivia’s raised eyebrow she shrugged her shoulders. “I told you I wanted children. I seriously considered having one while I was in WP. I bought books, did research. I even looked into some sperm banks.” She took a good look at Olivia. “Haven’t you done any research on pregnancy?”

“No. I never considered getting pregnant. I never wanted to pass on my genes.” She gave Alex a sad smile. “That’s why I wanted to adopt. An older child who needed a home was just fine by me, but they still turned me down.”

“Olivia! You were having sex and obviously NOT using birth control. What the hell did you think would happen?”

“I did use birth control! Well, until the last time.” She glared at Alex. “This is all your fault! You kissed me and freaked me out and I ran screaming into his arms trying to deny what you made me feel!” She stood up and turned her back to Alex. “Why did you kiss me Alex?”

Alex squelched the desire to run into her bedroom and hide. Instead she decided to suck it up and be honest. She had promised herself after breaking it off with Robert that she would never lie to herself again.

“Olivia. Olivia look at me.” Getting her attention she took Olivia by the shoulders. “I kissed you because no matter how much you want to deny it, there was something between us all those years ago. That night in the bar when I looked at you I felt all the things I was supposed to feel for Robert.” She shrugged.

They both went back to the couch and sat down. They sat in silence for a long time and finally Olivia spoke.

“How did you know?”

“How did I know what?”

“That you were attracted to girls?”

“First of all, I am not attracted to girls; women. Second….I had a crush on a girl in my second grade class. It eventually faded and while I fooled around with some women in college, I never took it seriously. The thought of being with a woman, well, it just didn’t register fully.” She looked at Olivia. “And then I met you and, well….” She shrugged. “After I entered the program I found myself drawn more and more to women. One night I was feeling particularly lonely and went to a lesbian bar.” She smiled. “Let’s just say it opened up a whole new world for me.”

“You found somebody?”

Alex chuckled. “Yes, I found somebody. A couple of somebody’s actually. It took a while before I realized what exactly I was looking for. Once I figured out that I crave control…well, I was much happier.”

“Control?”

“Liv, I had been ripped away from my home, family, friends…you. All of which was out of my control. Maybe that’s the cause of my dominate side or maybe…hell, I don’t know and you know what? I don’t care. Yes, I’ve had some very god relationships with men and the sex wasn’t half bad either, but once I was with a woman, I just knew that emotionally I was more in tune with the feminine element.” She turned and faced Olivia again.

“I’ve answered your question, now I want you to answer mine. What exactly did I make you feel when I kissed you? Was it so bad, so scary that it sent you out to get knocked up?”

“Yes.”

Alex was trying to keep her anger in check. “Because I’m a woman?”

“Yes. No. Sort of.”

“Could you please speak in English?”

“I wasn’t freaked out at first by the realization that a woman was kissing me. I got freaked out because I’ve never felt anything like that with just a kiss before. With anybody. Hell, even in a full blown relationship. So it freaked me out first because of what I felt and then because it was a woman…you. I reacted badly and…oh who am I kidding? I wanted you and that really freaked me out. I am attracted to you and it nearly killed me when I thought you were dead. I lied to myself even after I knew you were alive and pretended my feelings for you were friendship only.” She looked into blue eyes and felt that familiar little tingle between her legs.

“When I heard you were coming back I was happy. And then you came back but you didn’t come back and see us.” She shrugged. “So I just pushed my feelings away and finally went on with my life.”

“Finally went on with your life?”

Olivia sighed. “Alex, I’m really tired and I need to get home. It’s been a hard day.”

“You’re not going anywhere; you’re dead on your feet. You’ll stay here tonight and then in the morning we’ll figure out what we’re going to do about the baby and protecting you against Kurt in the future.” She pulled Olivia up and led her down the hallway to her second bedroom. “I’ll get you something to sleep in.”

Olivia stopped her. “Thank you Alex. I just really needed….”

“You needed a friend Olivia, and if nothing else, that’s what I am.” She pulled Olivia to her in a hug and then kissed her on the forehead. “You’re not alone.”

XXXXXXXXX

That night two women under one roof, mere feet apart physically, were miles apart emotionally.

One had new responsibilities as a tiny life was growing inside her and newly acknowledged feelings that she wanted to act on, but which terrified her.

The other was battling a sense of responsibility that was warring against the need for self preservation and an intense love.

By morning, each had made a decision that would effect the other.

Olivia awoke to the smell of bacon and eggs and freshly brewed coffee. Padding down the hallway she found Alex in the kitchen. She took a moment to look at the younger woman and the sight made her smile. She had her hair pulled into a ponytail, glasses on and flour was sprinkled on the lens. She was wearing a tank top and boxers and Olivia could tell she wasn’t wearing a bra.

“Good morning.”

Alex jumped. “Liv! God you scared me!” Grabbing two plates she handed one to Olivia and filled it full of food. “Eat.”

They sat at the kitchen table, munching of bacon and eggs and avoiding eye contact.

“Alex, thank you.”

“For?”

“Dinner the other night. Nobody’s ever cooked for me before.”

Alex stopped mid chew and raised an eyebrow. “Kurt doesn’t cook?”

“No. Kurt didn’t do a lot of things and some of the things he did do…”

Alex waited on her to finish and when she didn’t she tried to prompt her. “He….”

Olivia shook her head. “Doesn’t matter what Kurt does or doesn’t do; he’s not a part of my life and he won’t be a part of our lives.” She took another drink of bad coffee and scowled. “You said something about protecting me from Kurt in the future. What are you talking about?”

“Let’s finish breakfast and then we’ll go into the living room and talk.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“As an attorney and your…’friend’ I am advising you to get him to sign away all his parental rights now while he’s not into being a father.” She chose her next words carefully. “Financially can you make it without his money?”

Olivia thought about her financial situation and sighed. “It would be tight until the baby got older, but I could swing it. His money would make it easier though, and you know Alex, he is partially responsible for this. I certainly didn’t rape him!”

Alex considered what she’d just learned. “Ok. You need an attorney.” She tapped her upper lip deep in thought. “Casey. She’s working in child law. We’ll call her first thing Monday.” Olivia nodded.

“Alex…”

“Liv…”

They grinned at each other and Alex motioned for Olivia to speak.

“Uhm, Alex I thought about this,” she motioned between them “last night after I went to bed. I…I did some thinking.” Swallowing hard she continued, “I…I like you Alex. I like you a lot. I have liked you for a very long time if I’m honest with myself. I just don’t do relationships very well, but I’m…open to whatever might happen between us.”

Alex let out a long breath and took Olivia’s hand. “I’m sorry Olivia but I’m not. I don’t chase straight girls and I’m not into conversions. ”

“Huh?”

“Olivia, you’re first priority now is that baby. What happens if we get involved and I fall even harder for you and you decide this isn’t for you? That you want to go back to walking the snake? I get hurt and now there will be a baby involved. I won’t risk it Olivia.”

“That’s not fair Alex. You’re blaming me for something that hasn’t happened yet, that may not happen.”

“Olivia, you freaked out when I kissed you! What the hell is going to happen when I go down on you and you come harder than you’ve ever come before, because you will, and you bolt? How do you think that’s going to make me feel?”

Olivia was blushing furiously. “Would you rather I go out and find some other woman and let her fuck me so I can get that out of the way and then come to your bed?” Alex looked shocked and Olivia continued. “Everybody has to have a first Alex. What if those women you hooked up with had felt the way you do? What if they hadn’t wanted to get involved with someone who had no lesbian experience?”

“Quick fucks in bar bathrooms or seedy hotels hardly constitute a relationship Olivia and I refuse to do that with you.” She looked away. “You mean too much.”

“So what does that mean?”

“It means Olivia, that I want a real relationship with you. I want a wife and a family and…and a civil union and whatever else there is and you’re no where ready for that.” She shrugged, let out a long breath and blurted out, “So in the absence of your ability to commit, I can’t pursue a romantic relationship with you. I won’t. All I can offer you is my friendship Olivia.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way Alex. And I’m sorry that I’m not worth the effort.”

She got up and hurried out of Alex’s apartment.

XXXXXXXXXX

2 Months Later

Alex Cabot had been perfectly miserable since the day Olivia Benson left her apartment. She had stubbornly refused to call the brunette for a month and then when she finally did call her under the guise of seeing if she’d ever contacted Casey, Olivia had been polite but distant. She had also refused to return any of Alex’s calls or emails.

She was determined to see the other woman and to talk to her.

“Elliot, where’s Olivia?”

“Hello to you to Alex. She’s having lunch with Casey. Why, you need her for something?”

“Actually, yes I do. Do you know when….” She stopped speaking as she saw the two women walk through the doors of the squad room. “Olivia.” She glanced at Casey and noticed the other woman had her hand at the small of Olivia’s back. “Casey.” Not liking the possessive smile Casey gave her she asked, “How are things between you and Serena?”

Alex Cabot had just outed Casey Novak in front of her old squad and she was not happy. Alex was also aware that several sets of eyes were now on them and she could see Munch looking like the cat that ate the canary.

“You know very well how things are between us. Olivia, I’ll call you later and give you an update.”

“Detective Benson, I need a moment of your time. Please.”

Alex followed her into the interrogation room. “What’s going on between you and Casey?”

“None of your business. You and I are just ‘friends’ remember?”

Alex wanted to ask if she was fucking her, but instead she chose to soften her approach. “You’re right Liv, it’s not. Why haven’t you returned my calls?”

“You wanted me to admit how I felt about you Alex and I did; then you told me that wasn’t good enough. I laid it all on the line that morning and you just….you just rejected me. Us.” She waved a hand over her stomach.

Alex shook her head. “I didn’t reject you Olivia.” She smiled as she reached out a hand and touched Olivia’s midsection. “How are you two doing? Casey getting you what you need?”

Olivia moved out of Alex’s grasp. “We’re fine and yeah, she is. At least I think she is. Kurt’s not wanting to sign away all of his rights and still have to pay support, so we’ll see.”

“Do you want to go to dinner tonight?”

“I…I can’t. The guys are helping me move this weekend.”

“Move?”

“Yeah. Like an idiot I agreed to move in with Kurt and gave notice on my apartment during that week and a half we got back together. I tried to get my super to reconsider but I moved into that place for a song and he was more than happy to have me leave. He’s asking three times my rent. Said I could re-sign a lease at the new rate. I can’t afford that. Not with a baby on the way.”

“So where are you moving to?”

“Elliot and Kathy are letting me stay with them until I can find a place.”

“Don’t they have a new baby?” Olivia nodded. “Olivia, how do you expect to get the rest you need in a house full of people, including a tiny baby?”

“I don’t have many options Alex. Simon offered to let me stay with him and his fiance and child, but that’s all the way out in the boonies. I really need to get back to work, ok?”

XXXXXXXXXX

“You really have nobody to blame….”

“Put a sock in it Southerlyn. I am well aware of my actions and their results.” She took a sip of her drink. “By the way, when are you going to tell me exactly what happened between you and the red head? She was looking a little too cozy with Olivia Friday.”

Serena’s face immediately closed up and she shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Alex raised an eyebrow in challenge. “We…hooked up and then I ignored her calls.”

“Sex that bad?”

Serena’s face flamed. “Actually, the sex was that good.”
Alex chomped on an ice cube and looked at her friend. “Then what the hell was the problem?”

“It was just too…intense for me.”

Alex looked out over the dance floor and bristled as she saw a flash of red closely tangled with brown. She leaned forward and cursed.

“Oh hell no.”

Serena, following her eyes, sat upright and scowled. She watched as Alex tore across the dance floor and approached the two figures who ended up being Casey and Olivia.

“Excuse me, may I cut in?”

Olivia’s face registered surprise and Casey’s face had a hard edge to it.

“No, you may not. I’m dancing with my date.”

Alex stepped between them and turned to face Casey. “Look carrot top Serena is sitting right over there and I suggest you go talk to her.” Alex leaned into her personal space. “It seems you rocked her world when you fucked her and it scared her.” Casey’s face registered surprise and then satisfaction. Alex leaned in even further and whispered, “And you won’t be giving a repeat performance here, got it?”

Casey glanced over Alex’s shoulder, smiled and then said, “What makes you so sure I haven’t already?” And with that she waved to Liv and went in search of Serena.

Alex composed herself before she turned back to Olivia and took her in her arms for a slow dance.

“Thought you were moving this weekend?”

“We finished early and Casey asked me if I wanted to go dancing.”

Alex faltered a bit. “Casey helped you move?” Olivia nodded. “I could have helped you.”

“Don’t Alex. Please don’t confuse me further.” Alex seemed to consider this and then nodded.

They danced a few dances and Alex noticed that Olivia was yawning. She glanced over to where Serena was and saw that she was currently sucking face with Casey Novak.

“Liv? Why don’t we go back to my place?” Olivia’s eyes flew open and she looked terrified. Alex laughed. “To sleep Olivia, not sleep together. You’re asleep on your feet and your…date or whatever she is, is otherwise engaged.”

Olivia followed her gaze and shrugged. “Ok. But I need to call and let Elliot know I won’t be home.”

Alex smiled in relief. Olivia had not had a reaction to the sight of Casey and Serena doing throat cultures on each other. She took that to mean Casey’s remark was just a taunt.

XXXXXXXXX

Olivia was practically asleep as Alex guided her through her apartment and to the spare bedroom. She helped the brunette out of her pants and left her t-shirt on. She debated helping her take her bra off, but decided that could be disastrous.

Olivia was asleep almost immediately and Alex spent a few minutes watching her sleep. She thought about Olivia and her baby and her own life. By the time she’d gone to sleep she had come to another decision. One she hoped was the right one.

Once again Olivia awoke to the smell of coffee and bacon and eggs. Realizing she was at Alex’s she dressed at followed the aroma.

Alex smiled at her and motioned for her to sit down. Placing a plate in front of her she said, “Eat.” She grinned as Olivia tore into her food. “Hungry?”

Slightly embarrassed Olivia nodded. “Some days I can’t get enough to eat. Thankfully Elliot hasn’t noticed.”

“Elliot doesn’t know?” Olivia shook her head. “Why not?”

“Because he’ll go all Catholic man on me and then he’ll be worried about me and that’s just going to cause problems on the job.”

Alex nodded and was even surer of her decision. “I want you to move in with me.”

Olivia dropped her fork and stared at Alex. “What?”

Alex took her hand. “Liv, you just said Elliot won’t react well when he finds out you’re pregnant and do you really want to be living in his house when that happens? Besides, you need peace and quiet and I have an extra room….” Seeing the look of relief mixed with a bit of disappointment that washed over Olivia’s face she smiled. “I’m asking you to move into my extra bedroom, not my bed!”

Olivia chose to ignore her remark. “I don’t know Alex. Won’t that be a bit awkward? And what happens if you start dating someone? Or if I start dating someone?”

Alex wanted to tell her she had no plans of dating anyone other than her, but she decided to play it cool. “My social calendar isn’t exactly overflowing Olivia and contrary to the last several weeks, I really don’t care for the bar scene.”

Olivia shook her head. “Your dance card may not be booked Alex, but what about your physical needs? Am I supposed to just lay in bed right down the hall while you fuck some woman or hell, even some man?” She continued shaking her head. “I know you’ve been with someone since all of this started and I just don’t want to have to see it or…worse, hear it.”

Alex’s eyes narrowed. “Who told you I’ve been with someone?”

Olivia looked away. “A few weeks ago I asked Casey if she’d seen you and she said the last time she saw you, you said something about ‘seeing your next piece of ass.’”

Alex bit her lip. “Raggedy Ann needs to mind her own damn business.”

Olivia felt her heart drop. “So it’s true.”

“No. Yes. Sort of.”

“Could you please speak in English counselor?” Olivia couldn’t help but smirk at her choice of words.

“Ok, fine. Yes, I took a woman into the bathroom at O Bar and sort of fucked her.” At Olivia’s doubtful look she clarified. “I had every intention of doing her until I kept seeing a certain someone’s face every time I looked at her. It’s bad lesbian form to drag someone into the bathroom and then not come through.” She shrugged. “I slid my leg between hers and used my thigh to get her off.”

“Tribadism.” She noted Alex’s surprised look. “I know things Alex. Just because I didn’t know the term ‘breeders’ doesn’t mean I don’t know things.” She winked at Alex. “I am a sex crimes cop you know.” And the internet is a wonderful thing.

Alex felt her pulse quicken. “Just what sort of things do you know Olivia?”

“I know you are a lipstick lesbian and that in addition to that you are most definitely a top. Casey is a sporty dyke and a not so great kisser and that Abbie Carmichael is a pillow queen. At least according to Casey. And I know that at the moment I am heteroflexible.”

“When did you kiss Casey?” And did you sleep with her?

“Casey kissed me and it was a few nights ago.” She noticed the muscle in Alex’s jaw was twitching. “She had no qualms about my lack of experience.”

“Did you sleep with her?” Alex mentally kicked herself, but she wanted to know.

“That’s a personal question Alex and frankly none of your business.” She snagged another piece of bacon.

Alex chewed the inside of her jaw before deciding to move on with the conversation. “Abbie and Casey? When the hell did that happen?”

Olivia shrugged. “Casey had to go to some seminar in DC and they hooked up. Said it was pretty lackluster sex.” Olivia shrugged.

“So, if I promise not to bring anything home, will you move in here with me? Please? You need to let somebody take care of you Olivia.”

She huffed. “You know, that’s exactly what Kurt kept harping about the entire time we were together. How I needed to let somebody take care of me.”

“Well maybe creepy man was right! Stop being so damn stubborn and just move in with me. I’m closer to work, I have plenty of room and it’s quiet! Not to mention that you are of an advanced maternal age and….” She looked away, “I’d really like it if you’d move in here.”

“Creepy man?”

“Are you going to move in here or not?”

Olivia jumped up from the table and ran down the hall and into the bathroom. She heaved the contents of her stomach into the toilet. Alex found her slumped against the bathtub holding her stomach.

“Liv? Are you ok?”

“Just morning sickness.”

Alex grabbed a washcloth and wet it, then handed it to Olivia. She helped the brunette up and watched as she rinsed her mouth out. She then moved with her into the bedroom.

“Have you been sick a lot?”

“Not too much. That’s like the third time I think.”

They were sitting on the bed in what she hoped would become Olivia’s bedroom.

“How was your first doctor’s visit? Do you like him or her?”

Olivia bowed her head. “I haven’t been yet.”

“What do you mean you’ve not been yet? Olivia, this is important! You’re what, two, two and a half months pregnant?”

“I know that Alex! Look, I’ve been busy with work and by the time I can get some free time to call, it’s always after hours. I’ve been taking some over the counter prenatal vitamins and stuff.” She looked at Alex. “If you’re going to nag me I might as well stay at Elliot’s!”

“Ok, I’m sorry. I just…this is important. I know you know that. If I call my ob/gyn and get you an appointment, will you go see her?”

“You trust her?” Alex nodded. “Ok.” Olivia thought for a moment before she spoke. “Will you go with me?”

“You’d want me to?”

“I’m trying here Alex! I’m trying to let somebody in!”

Alex put her arm around her and kissed her temple. “I’d be honored to go with you.” She linked her fingers with Olivia’s. “Will you please consider moving in here with me?”

Olivia stood and held her hand out to Alex. “Let’s go.”

“Where?”

“To get my stuff from Elliot’s. I love the man and his family, but it’s noisy as hell in that house.”

1 Month Later

“You’re going to have to tell him Liv. It’s not going to be a secret much longer.” She reached into the bowl of popcorn and accidentally brushed hands with Olivia. She noticed the brunette drew back and she let out a little sigh. They’d been sharing living space for just over a month and while she enjoyed the closeness they were sharing, she had to work hard to keep her libido in check.

Olivia, who was seemingly oblivious to Alex’s frustration, sighed and rolled her head so she could see Alex’s face. “I know.” She moved the bowl of popcorn out of the way and turned her body so she was facing Alex on the couch. “But once I tell him, I have to tell the captain and then I’ll be on desk duty. I’m not ready to give being in the field up yet.”

Alex took hold of her hand. “I worry about you out there chasing people. I’m afraid you’ll get hurt.” She looked directly into Olivia’s eyes. “That you’ll lose the baby.” Olivia was overcome with emotion and visibly choked up. “What’s wrong?”

“Nobody’s ever cared that much for me. Thank you.” She moved to hug Alex and finally let her tears flow as the blonde cradled her and whispered to her.

Alex settled her on the couch with Olivia’s head in her lap. She stroked the brunette’s hair until she fell asleep. Taking the rare opportunity to study Olivia in sleep, she traced the lines around her mouth and wondered, not for the first time, what those lips would be like on her.

Turning off the TV, she roused Olivia and helped her to her feet. Half asleep, the brunette allowed the blonde to help her to her room. Alex tried to extract herself from the woman’s grasp, but she wouldn’t allow it.

“Please don’t leave me.”

“What?”

“I’m…I’m hormonal. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…”

Alex didn’t give her time to finish her statement. “Come on. You can sleep with me tonight, but I’m sleeping in my own bed.”

Alex left Olivia to get ready for bed as she went into her bathroom and tried to calm her racing heart. When she left the security of her bathroom, she found Olivia dead to the world wearing her t-shirt and she noticed her bra was haphazardly strewn across the bed.

Crawling into bed she was surprised when Olivia snuggled up to her. Feeling the woman’s hardened nipples press into her was pure agony. She groaned and realized there would be no sleep tonight.

She awoke less than rested to find Olivia’s hand cupping her breast. Sure Olivia was asleep; she shifted so she could see her face. She was surprised to find two brown eyes looking back at her.

“Don’t get me wrong detective, having a beautiful woman fondle my breast is a nice way to wake up, but, well, why are you fondling my breast?”

Olivia stopped her movements but didn’t remove her hand. “Do you really think I’m beautiful?”

“You know I do. Now, about your hand….” She picked up Olivia’s hand and gently removed it from her breast.

“I’m sorry. I just…the only other breast I’ve ever touched beside my own is….”

“Mine?” Alex looked amused.

“And Casey’s.” Olivia looked preoccupied at the admission and missed Alex’s scowl.

“What the fuck were you doing touching Casey’s breast?” And did you fuck her?

“She was kissing me and then touching me so I touched her back.” Alex scooted away from Olivia. “I was just trying to get some experience Alex.”

“And? Did you?”

“Yeah, I did.”

Alex was now resting against the headboard, arms crossed looking clearly pissed. She was trying to be rational but failing miserably.

“Well, how was it? Serena certainly hasn’t had any complaints.”

Olivia considered her answer carefully. “No complaints here either.”

Alex got up and stomped into the bathroom. Before slamming the door behind her she looked at Olivia. “We need to get ready for work.”

XXXXXXXXXXX

Lunch, 2 Days Later

“What’s your problem Alex?”

“My problem? My problem is your girlfriend and her relationship with my…with Olivia.”

“Oh? And what relationship would that be?”

“The relationship that required Casey to have her hand on Olivia’s breast….” They were interrupted by Alex’s cell phone. “Cabot. What? Where?” Alex snapped her phone shut and waved the waiter over. “I have to go. Olivia’s been hurt.”

“I’ll come with you.”

They arrived at St. Vincent’s and found Elliot, Munch and Fin and Kurt Moss standing around in the ER waiting room.

“What happened?” Alex was looking at Elliot and her stare was intense.

“Uh, we were chasing a perp and she tripped and fell. Twisted her ankle.”

“That’s all?” Elliot nodded. “So she hasn’t told you.” Alex said the last part more to herself than anybody else.

“Told me what?”

“Aren’t you the least bit curious why she’d come to the hospital for just a sprained ankle? Why she’d have you call me?” She looked at Kurt and continued, “Why she’d have you call…him?”

“Elliot didn’t call me. One of my reporters picked up the call for officer down. When I heard Olvia’s name I came and got here as they were wheeling her in.” He shrugged.

They were interrupted by the doctor. “Is there a Kurt Moss here?”

“That’s me.”

The doctor motioned for him. “Is there an Alex Cabot?”

“That’s me.”

He did a double take when he realized ‘Alex’ was a woman. “Uh, she’s asking for you.”

Alex looked at the doctor and then Kurt. Unsure of what was going on she followed the doctor. She was surprised when Kurt did not follow her in to see Olivia.

“Alex?”

“I’m here Liv. What’s going on?”

The brunette had tears in her eyes. “I have an STD. That’s why they asked for Kurt.”

“Uh, w-what STD do you have?”

Olivia sniffed. “Bacterial Vaginosis.”

“You’re sure you got this from Kurt? Isn’t it just an over growth of bad bacteria in the vagina? I mean even women who aren’t sexually active get BV, right?” She looked at the doctor.

“That’s true. And it’s more easily spread between female sex partners than male to female.” He looked at Alex expectantly.

“Don’t look at me! We’ve never…we’re not…we are not sexually involved.” She thought for a moment and cringed at what she was about to say. “Casey?”

“What about her?”

The doctor spoke up. “If this is another sex partner we really need to contact…him or her.”

Alex took out her phone and began thumbing through the list of contacts. “I have her number….”

“There is no need to call Casey!” Olivia was now sitting up. “I never slept with her.” She gave Alex an evil look.

Forgetting about the doctor Alex moved closer to Olivia. “You said you had no complaints.”

“That doesn’t mean I slept with her!” She looked at the doctor. “How long before the antibiotics work?”

“Four days and it should be pretty much cleared up. We’ll want to monitor your baby’s weight, but you should be fine. Ice the ankle today and stay off of it for a couple of days. Nothing stronger than Tylenol and you should be as good as new. ”

Alex stopped the doctor. “What about Mr. Moss?”

“That’s between Mr. Moss and his doctor. Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

Alex turned back to Olivia. “Liv….”

“I just want to go home Alex.”

XXXXXXXXXX

That night

Alex’s home phone rang for the third time in 15 minutes. She sighed as she checked the caller ID and saw that it was Kurt Moss’ number again. Between him and Elliot, she was seriously considering a restraining order. They had both shut their cell phones off after repeated calls by both men and as much as Alex would like to turn her home phone off. Work prohibited that.

Growing frustrated, she called Jim Steel at home and told him she was directing all calls to his number and that he could reach her via email, which she would check hourly until midnight. Her next call was to Elliot whom she told much the same thing to.

“What’s going on with her Alex? I’m her partner and I have a right to know!”

“Then you’ll have to ask her.”

He threw back at her, “Any idea where I can reach her? It seems as though her phone has been turned off!”

“Be here tomorrow morning and I’ll make sure you have access to get up here. And I’ll make sure she talks to you.”

XXXXXXXX

Alex had put Olivia in her bed the night before, telling herself it was easier for her to care for the detective. She refused to admit to herself that she was worried about Olivia, scared for her and this was her way of making sure nothing happened to her.

Olivia had been reluctant to talking to Elliot, but after Alex told her either she talked to Elliot or Alex would, the brunette had relented and agreed to talk to him. She requested that Alex stay close by.

Alex ushered Elliot into the bedroom the next morning and ignored his raised eyebrow.

“Will you please tell me what’s going on?”

“El…I’m pregnant. Kurt’s the father and he wants nothing to do with the baby.”

“Pregnant? Wow. That’s great Liv! Wait a minute, why the hell didn’t you tell me? You had no business out there chasing perps!” Realizing exactly what she’d said, he thought about Kurt Moss. “He can’t do that Liv. He has a responsibility to this child. He can’t just walk away.” He considered what he’d just said. “Why’d he come to the hospital if he doesn’t want anything to do with his baby?”

“Don’t know. I haven’t talked to him.” She caught his scowl. “Don’t Elliot.”

Elliot looked around the room and then back at Olivia. “What’s going on between you and Cabot?”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit. If nothing is going on, why did you ask me to call her yesterday at the hospital? And why are you in her bed instead of your bed right down the hall?”

Alex, who’d been listening at the door, stepped into the room. “Your partner is a grown woman detective and whoever’s bed she decides to sleep in for whatever reason, is her business.” She stood with her arms crossed, looking at Elliot. “She needs her rest.”

“Liv?”

“Please Elliot. And tell Cragen I’ll be in tomorrow morning, but don’t tell him I’m pregnant. I want to be the one to do that.”

He left the room, but motioned for Alex to join him.

“What are you doing to my partner?”

“Doing to your partner? I’m not ‘doing’ anything to your partner.”

He got in her face. “I’ve heard the rumors about you. About you fucking Jim Steel, the night before you got engaged by the way, about your ‘dalliances’ into the lesbian world. I’m not going to let you play around with my partner’s mind. If she’s gay, fine. If she wants to sleep with all the women in Manhattan, fine. However, I won’t let her be your next conquest. Got it?”

“Good day detective.”

Alex turned to see Olivia propped against the wall in the hallway.

“Olivia….”

“Did you?” When Alex didn’t answer, she hobbled not back down the hall into Alex;s room, but into her own room and shut the door.

“Fuck.”
XXXXXXXX

Olivia hobbled in to work the next morning to find not one, but two bouquets of roses on her desk. Actually, there were a dozen red roses and 15 yellow roses. Elliot smirked at her as she settled into her desk chair and took each card out and read it.

The red roses were from Kurt, asking her to call him and let him know she was ok. She was more intrigued by the yellow roses. Ripping open that card, she found a hand written note from Alex.

Olivia,

Please let me explain.

Alex

Looking at Elliot, she asked, “Any idea what 15 yellow roses means?” He shrugged and she scanned the room until she saw Munch. He was looking at her over his glasses. “Well?”

“The number 15 signifies being truly sorry and in Victorian times, yellow roses meant jealousy. But today, they signify friendship, joy, gladness and freedom, the promise of a new beginning.” He adjusted his glasses. “I’d say Ms. Cabot has done something to offend you and is trying to make it up to you.” He looked at her expectantly.

“What makes you think these are from Alex? And not the red ones?”

“First, I’ve seen the way she looks at you; second, I’ve seen the way you look at her; third, red is more the style of a man, a la Kurt. Women get more into the meaning of these things than men do.” He shurgged.

“There is nothing going on between Alex and I.” Though I wish there were. She caught Elliot’s doubtful look and turned to her desk phone. She debated calling both Kurt and Alex before deciding to go in and talk to Cragen before she did anything else.

By the time she’d finished with him, she was relieved of field duty until her ankle healed and had agreed to re-evaluate her assignment to SVU after she was back to 100 percent. She was glad to find the squad room deserted and made her way over to her desk. Picking up the phone, she called Kurt and agreed to meet him that night for dinner.

She worked in peace until mid-afternoon when the guys came back in from a call. They were catching her up on the investigation when the click-clack of heels could be heard coming down the hall. All heads with the exception of Olivia’s turned to see Alex Cabot coming toward them.

“Detectives.” Alex waited for Olivia to acknowledge her and when she didn’t, she proceeded on into Cragen’s office. Several minutes later she came out and made her way to Olivia’s desk.

“Olivia, may I speak with you?” Olivia looked at her for several long seconds before finally nodding and trying to get up. She did allow Alex to help her to the interrogation room.

“What do you want Alex?

“I want to explain to you about Jim. Will you let me do that?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does Olivia and you know it.” She took her hand. “Will you please go to dinner with me tonight?”

Olivia bowed her head. “I have plans tonight.” She glanced up at Alex and admitted, “I’m seeing Kurt.” She noticed that Alex bit her upper lip, but managed to paste a smile on her face.

“I see. How about tomorrow night?” Olivia nodded and watched Alex turn to leave.

“Hey Alex?” Having her full attention she said, “Thank you for the flowers.” The blonde nodded.

XXXXXXXXXXX

That Night
Mesa Grill

“Olivia, thank you for having dinner with me. How’s your ankle?”

“Sore.”

They sat staring at each other for a couple of minutes before Kurt spoke again.

“Olivia…what are you going to do about this baby?”

Her eyes narrowed. “I’m having ‘this baby,’ your baby I might add. The bigger question Kurt is what are you going to do? If you’ll just sign the papers, we can both move on.”

He played with his fork. “What if I don’t want to move on?” Looking at her he continued, “What if I want you and this baby, my baby?”

Angered by his words, Olivia said, “Well, we don’t want you Kurt. I tried to give you the chance to be part of my baby’s life, but you refused and offered up a check instead. Now I’m offering you exactly what you want, and you’re backpedaling.”

“I was a fool Olivia, please….”

“No. Kurt, I’m not in love with you and I refuse to raise this child in a loveless marriage, relationship or whatever.” She folded her napkin and placed on her plate. “As for my baby Kurt, you need to get an attorney and we’ll just let the court system handle this.” She started to rise when his words stopped her.

“You’re in love with her.”

“What?”

“Alex Cabot; you’re in love with her. It all makes sense now.”

“Kurt….” Her voice had a warning tone to it.

He smiled at her. “No, no Olivia. I’m not trying to be a dick. I just…it makes sense now.”

Olivia sighed, not bothering to deny his assertion about Alex. “I should go.”

He nodded and then insisted on taking her home.

Meanwhile……

“So, she has plans tonight and I’m having dinner with you.” Alex shrugged.

Serena twirled her pasta around her fork debating sharing what she knew.

“What?”

“What ‘what’?”

“Serena, what are you not saying?” Alex leaned in to her personal space. “If you know something, you need to tell me, now.”

“She’s having dinner with Kurt.”

“You know this how?”

Serena shrugged. “Casey told me. Olivia called her for legal advice.”

Alex stabbed a new potato and tore into it. “How are things with you and Strawberry Shortcake?”

Serena glared at her. “Up and down. Though the sex is incredible. She does this one thing with her…”

“Serena! Stop, please! I’m trying to eat.” Sure her dinner companion wasn’t going to continue, she resumed eating. “So, I assume you are currently up?” Serena nodded. “Do me a favor and keep it that way?”

Serena laughed. “I’ll certainly try.” She watched as Alex’s demeanor became more and more subdued. “What’s going on Alex?”

“She’s with him. What if….” She caught herself and immediately shut-up.

Serena watched her friend and then smiled. “I never thought I’d see Alex Cabot so unsure of herself.” Alex glared at her. “Oh my God, you’re scared. Alex Cabot is scared!”

Alex was furious with Serena. “You don’t have to act like you just won the lottery! I’m merely concerned for her being out with creepy guy.”

“No, you’re afraid that she’ll go back to him and you’ll get hurt. The question is, what are you going to do about it?”

Alex looked away and said, “She’s going to be tied to him for the rest of her life because of the baby.” Looking at Serena she finished, “And it’s all my fault.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex was surprised and relieved to find light coming from under Olivia’s door when she got home. A part of her had been afraid that Olivia would fall back into Kurt Moss’ bed. Gathering her courage, she knocked on Olivia’s door.

The answer was quiet. “Yes?” Olivia had tears in her voice.

“Are you ok?”

“Yes.”

“Can I come in?” When there was no immediate answer she prompted, “Please?”

“Ok.”

She found Olivia sitting up in bed, a box of tissues next to her.

“What’s wrong?” Olivia shook her head. Alex sat on the edge of Olivia’s bed. “Liv?” She gently lifted the brunette’s chin and felt her chest tighten at the tears in her eyes. Smoothing her hair from the brunette’s face she tried again. “Sweetie, talk to me.” Olivia just shook her head. “Did he hurt you?”

“How’d you know we were having dinner and not something…else?”

“I had dinner with Serena who is apparently ‘up’ with Casey right now.”

Olivia swallowed. “Oh. No, he didn’t hurt me.” She allowed Alex to gather her to her and hold her for a few moments. “I’m just really tired Alex. Can we just talk about this tomorrow night at dinner?”

The blonde nodded. She left Olivia and shut the door behind her. She slumped against the wall and once again cursed herself for putting Olivia in this situation.

Olivia left the apartment the next morning before Alex had gotten up. The blonde had gone looking for after getting ready for work and was a bit concerned when she realized the detective was gone. Shaking it off, she finished getting ready for work and made a note to call Olivia later.

Olivia was feeling out of sorts and wanted to get to some place safe where she could think. That place was the bullpen. She arrived well before anyone else and dove into a stack of files on her desk. Elliot found her engrossed in a witness statement when he came in.

“How’d it go last night?”

“Eh. Now he’s rethinking his decision to just write a check.” Elliot raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, my thoughts exactly.”

“So….”

“I told him to get an attorney and we’d let the courts sort it out.” She caught Elliot’s look. “What?”

He rolled his shoulders. “Uh, Liv, look, you keep saying nothing is going on between you and Alex….”

“Elliot….”

“Hear me out.” Sure he had her attention he continued, “I’m just sayin’ do you really want to rock the custody battle boat by shacking up with another woman?”

“I assure you detective, we are not shacking up.” Both Elliot and Olivia turned to see Alex. “And might I also remind you that if we were shacking up, New York is one of the more liberal states in terms of gay rights. And worse case scenario, should we ever become romantically involved, we can always move to New Jersey or my family home in Boston and get married.”

“Alex?”

“Olivia, could I please speak with you?” She didn’t wait for an answer; she simply turned on her heel and made her way to an interrogation room.

Inside the room, Alex looked Olivia over and moved toward her. “Are you ok?” When Olivia didn’t answer her, she moved even closer to the other woman. “Don’t listen to what Elliot says, Liv.”

“He has a point Alex.” She forestalled any argument by holding up her hand. “Not about any possible romantic relationship we may or may not ever have, but about my living situation. It won’t be long until this baby gets here. 5 months isn’t a long time and am I just supposed to keep living in your spare room?”

“I…let’s just talk about all of this tonight, ok? I just wanted to make sure you were ok? You were gone when I got up this morning and I was just a bit worried.” She searched Olivia’s eyes. “We’re still on for tonight, right?”

“I know you said something about going out for dinner, but would it be ok if we just stayed in? I’m just…I’m feeling out of sorts.”

“Of course.” She moved toward Olivia, hesitated and then closed the distance and hugged the other woman. She also brushed her lips across Olivia’s cheek.

As she left the bullpen, she noticed that her flowers were still on Olivia’s desk and the red roses Serena told her Kurt had sent Olivia were no where to be found. She smiled inwardly and began changing plans for dinner in her mind.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia left the station just after 5 that day. She wanted some alone time before Alex came home and she wanted to try and catch a quick nap. She went straight to her bedroom and climbed under the covers, content to let sleep take her away.

“Liv? Liv?”

She woke with a start and rolled over to see Alex standing in her doorway. “What time is it?” She rubbed her eyes and tried to find her clock.

“Just after 7. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. I thought you might need to freshen up a bit before we eat?”

Olivia nodded, stretched and yawned. “I’ll be right there.”

Alex had just finished setting the table when Olivia came into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Alex served pot roast with new potatoes and carrots, a spinach salad, and Pellegrino water. She had made the salad dressing out of yogurt.

They ate in silence and Alex couldn’t help notice that Olivia tore into her roast with fervor.

“Hungry?”

“Starved. Some days I can’t seem to get enough food! Must be those prenatal vitamins!”

They shared a laugh and fell back into a comfortable silence.

Alex took a deep breath. “When I first came back from the program, I was bound a determined to pick up where I’d left off career wise. I felt like I’d been given a new lease on life and a second chance; I set my course and never intended on looking back. I wanted so badly to see you and the guys, but I also knew my feelings for you had only grown over time and while being a lesbian claims adjuster in Wisconsin was ok, being a lesbian ADA with an eye on a political future was not.”

She shrugged, looked away and then continued. “So I suppressed my yearnings for you and dove right in to work.” She looked down. “I also dove head long into an affair with Jim Steel. I knew him from before my time in WP and I was attracted to him. It seemed simple enough; nothing beyond the physical, nothing serious, and I didn’t have to be alone.”

She got up to get desert and to collect her thoughts about her next admission. Taking her time, she prepared the cheesecake and fruit. Taking a deep breath, she went back to the table.

“What about Robert?”

Alex gave her a weak smile. “Things aren’t always what they seem Olivia.” She sighed. “I am about to betray a confidence, but I know it won’t go any further than you.” She waited for Olivia to acknowledge her statement. “Have you ever wondered why a man as successful as Robert, as powerful, has never been married?”

Olivia chewed on that for a minute before blurting out, “He’s gay?”

Alex nodded, thought about what she was about to say and then said it any way. “More or less. More importantly, he’s impotent. A number of years ago he was in the hospital and they were going to cath him. The resident on duty hadn’t slept in over 48 hours and pushed a little too hard. Severed two crucial nerves. All the Viagra in the world isn’t going to help him.”

“Ouch.”

Alex nodded. “Anyway, a mutual friend introduced us and he seemed to sense a kinship with me. We started ‘dating’ if that’s what you want to call it, and I broke off my affair with Jim. I genuinely liked Robert and after seeing him for a month with no attempts by him to make our union physical, I began to wonder. I began to add up all the little things and came to the conclusion he was gay.”

“Why, because he made no attempt to sleep with you?”

Alex smirked. “Well, there was that! No, seriously, things just didn’t add up. All the old clippings of him with beautiful women and not one whisper of a love child? No almost engagements or even the nibble of a sex tape? And the man had his underwear ironed! Who does that?”

“Ewww!”

“So I decided to try and seduce him one night. When his body failed to react, I told him I understood and he told me I did not.” She began chewing on her lip. “He told me he gave a whole new meaning to the word ‘limp dick’. And then he told me the story about his accident.”

Something in the way Alex told the story did not ring true for Olivia. She processed what she’d just learned and allowed the detective in her to kick in.

“What else Alex? What about Jim?”

“Robert tried to meet my needs. He really did.” She looked at Olivia, her face faintly coloring. “He, uh, he tried going down on me, and that was just….awful. He even tried strapping one on and that was just…bizarre.” She shuddered.

“But if he was gay….”

“He had yet to admit that to me. Then the night before we got engaged, Jim and I were working late and well, we had one of our fights.” She again refused to look at Olivia and shrugged. “One thing led to another and well, we ended up having sex. I could make all the excuses in the world Olivia, but it was just wrong. I knew it was wrong as we were doing it and I’ve never felt so guilty, so dirty as I did when it was over.” She wrapped her arms around herself and shuddered.

“I cheated Olivia. The one thing I’d never done and I cheated. I felt so guilty, dirty. I hurried home and took a shower. He found me crying in the bathroom the next morning. He told me it didn’t matter, that he understood and then he asked me to marry him. He made a very compelling case.” She smiled. “He sold me on the ‘my power, your ambition’ plan, and he was just so damn understanding! “ She scoffed. “That really should have been a big clue.”

Confused, Olivia asked, “To what?”

“How about we move this into the living room?”

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

“I never kept tabs on Robert; his comings and goings were his business. We settled in to a very nice routine that was comfortable if not inspiring. I confessed my desire to have a baby and he even agreed; said we could pick out a donor or adopt. I was thrilled. I knew that having a baby would help fill the void in my life and make up for whatever physical needs Robert couldn’t meet. Or so I thought.”

Alex had moved from the couch to the window and was now pacing.

“Alex? What is it?”

“I was preparing for a big case Nick Potter was trying so I called and let Robert know I wouldn’t be home until very late. Oddly this was one time Nick had his crap together and we finished well ahead of time so I hurried home. I’d narrowed my list of donors down and wanted to go over them with Robert.”

She bowed her head and let out a bitter laugh. “I found him alright…He was harnessed up and doing a very young boy in our bed!”

“How young Alex?”

“17. Just past the age of consent here in New York.”

“Ok.” No matter how Olivia tried to slice it, what Robert had done was no different than what Alex had done. True, doing someone in the bed you share with your lover is pretty low, but aside from that, he did nothing worse than what Alex had done with Jim Steel.

“I know what you are thinking Olivia and I would agree with you if not for what happened next.” She rubbed her forehead. “He pretty much said what you were thinking and then he…he invited me to join them. He said this could be the solution to all our problems. That poor boy, he looked terrified.” She looked at Olivia and whispered, “He looked like Sam Cavanaugh.”

“Oh Alex!” She moved to the blonde and tried to hug her, but Alex wouldn’t let her.

“When he saw I wasn’t going to join in, he told the boy to get dressed and leave. I was frozen in place Olivia. And then he dropped the bomb. He told me if the ‘fine young gentleman’ wasn’t to my liking, he could arrange for any number of fine young women. He had found out all about my time in Wisconsin and Portland.” She shook her head. “I left the penthouse that night and refused to talk to him for a solid week. I was….”

“Hurt?”

“I was not hurt. I was just…livid. He was just this side of being a pedophile, he wanted me to engage in threesomes and multi-partner sex and…I had trusted him. So I broke it off with him. He begged, pleaded, said he was sorry, blah, blah, blah. All I could see was the face of Sam Cavanaugh.”

“Alex, I’m sorry.”

The blonde smiled at Olivia and shrugged. “I take full responsibility for my situation with Robert; and the situation you now find yourself in.”

“Me? Alex, the only person I have to blame for this, is me!”

Alex moved back to the couch and sat next to Olivia. “No. Had I been honest with myself when I came back, I would have realized that my political aspirations were gone before I even left for WP. My life was changing, even back then and things were changing between us. Had I been honest upon my return, I would have marched right down to the station and told you how I felt. Then I wouldn’t have been involved with Jim or Robert. Then I wouldn’t have kissed you and sent you running into a man’s bed, which resulted in this. ” She moved her hand over Olivia’s small belly and seeking permission, she gently touched the bulge. “I don’t doubt your feelings for me or mine for you, but I shouldn’t have sprung that kiss on you. I knew you weren’t ready, and I ended up sending you back to his bed. If I’d just taken my time, given you time, things might be different now. And maybe this would be our baby.”

“Alex…”

“I’m sorry….I shouldn’t have said that.” She patted Olivia’s hand. “I know you aren’t ready to even entertain the possibility of ‘us.’”

Alex started to rise but Olivia stopped her.

“I am.”

“What?”

“I am ready to explore a relationship with you Alex. I just…I have no experience in this.”

Alex smiled at her. “What about Casey?”

“Nothing…”

“Happened. Except she’s kissed you and felt you up.” At Olivia’s frustrated look she laughed. “I’m just giving you a hard time.” She pulled Olivia to her. “So…you’re ready to try this?”

Olivia nodded. “Will you sleep with me tonight?”

Suddenly panicked, Olivia struggled to sit up. “Alex!”

“Shhh. I actually meant sleep with me as in sleep; not sex. I want to hold you. Both of you.”

“Ok.”

Smiling, Alex helped her up and led her down the hall to her bedroom.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

3 Weeks Later

Alex and Olivia had spent the last three weeks acting as a couple in every sense of the word except the intimacy part. Most nights found Olivia sleeping in Alex’s bed, but some nights, like the one before, Olivia felt more comfortable sleeping by herself. Alex had been patient with her and the most they shared were a few kisses and cuddles, always initiated by Alex.

The squad all knew she was pregnant by now and had welcomed the news with joy. They also knew something was happening between her and Alex, but nobody, not even Munch had brought it up to her. Eliot had kept his thoughts to himself, but he never failed to give Alex a nasty look when she would stop by the precinct.

Olivia arrived in the squad room a tad later than normal and ignored Elliot’s questioning look. She tried to stifle a yawn unsuccessfully.

“Alex keep you up late last night?” He leaned in closer and waggled his eyebrows. “Second trimester hormones got you down?”

“No! I just didn’t sleep well last night.”

Turning serious he regarded her. “Any reason why? Any problems?”

She hesitated a moment too long before answering and Elliot seized upon her hesitation.

“What is it? Is Alex giving you a hard time? Pressuring you?”

She rolled her eyes. “No. Alex has had the patience of Job with me.” She sighed. “It’s Kurt.”

Elliot bristled at the man’s name. He’d take Alex Cabot over that creep any day of the week. He’d even taken to calling him ‘Creepy Guy’ like Alex; out of Olivia’s ear shot of course.

“What the Hell does he want? Or has he finally shirked his responsibility once and for all and signed away his rights?”

Olivia was tired of fighting about this with him, so she let his statement go.

“You know I’m having my ultrasound next week, right?” He nodded. “Well Kurt wants to be there.”

“Are you going to let him?”

“Yes Olivia, are you?”

The brunette groaned as she turned to see Alex standing behind her. She did a quick glance at Alex’s feet and cursed when she saw she was wearing soft soled shoes.

“Alex. I didn’t hear you.”

“Obviously. Well? Are you going to let him come to your ultrasound?”

“I…I don’t know.” She saw Alex’s eyes flash with anger and sighed. “Alex…”

“Is this why you didn’t sleep in my, our bed last night?”

Aware that there were prying ears, Olivia glanced around and noticed that Elliot, Fin and Munch, as well as Chester were all trying to look busy. And failing miserably.

Alex caught her looking around and snapped, “Mind your own damn business!” She turned back to Olivia and snapped, “I’ll see you at home tonight and we’ll discuss this then.”

XXXXXXXXX

Elliot took Olivia out for lunch and tried to get her to discuss what was going on with the ultrasound. She shut him down again and ended their conversation saying she needed to run an errand. What she really needed to do was get some perspective.

She ended up going to see Elizabeth Olivet. The red head ushered her in and after several minutes of small talk with the older woman congratulating her on her pregnancy, Olivia blurted out her feelings on Alex, Kurt, the baby, her hormonal moods and everything else. When she finished, she was crying and cursing her hormones.

“I’m sorry Elizabeth! My damn hormones render me a complete idiot it seems. I haven’t cried this much in…well ever.” She wiped at her eyes.

“Olivia? Do you love Alex?”

“…I…I think I do. I know I’m attracted to her and she makes me feel safe.”

Elizabeth smiled at her. “Then you need to tell her that. It sounds as if she’s waiting for some kind of sign from you.”

“But what about Kurt?”

“What about him?”

“I told you what I’m thinking.”

“And you need to tell Alex that as well.”

She stood up and hugged the other woman.

“Thank you.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex was seething by the time Serena met up with her at Chauncey’s. She was also three drinks into the very early evening.

“You might want to slow down Alex.”

“Shut-up.”

“What’s happened now that would lead you to call me before 5pm and ask me to meet you for drinks?”

Alex downed her shot of Tequila and poured her heart out to Serena. Serena realized her friend must be in tremendous pain to speak so candidly about her feelings for Olivia and her fear of losing the other woman to Kurt or some other love interest.

She tried to offer up words of encouragement, but Alex was too far down the rabbit hole to reason with. She opted to see her friend home. She had just gotten her to bed when Olivia came through the door and looked at her questioningly.

Serena sighed and motioned for Olivia to join her.

“What’s wrong with Alex? Is she sick?”

“Lovesick maybe. She’s drunk Olivia.” Serena looked at her pointedly. “Are you or are you not going to let Kurt come to your ultrasound?”

“She’s drunk because of that?”

Serena threw her hands up in the air. “No Olivia, she’s drunk because the woman she loves is contemplating letting the father of her child come to the ultrasound after declaring he wanted nothing to do with said child. She’s afraid you’re going to leave her for him, but more importantly, she’s afraid he’ll hurt you again.”

“Hurt me?”

“Yes, hurt you. He hurt you once when he rejected your baby by offering to send a check. She’s afraid he’ll hurt you again and in the process Olivia, you’ll hurt her!”

“I don’t…I don’t want to hurt her.”

“Then you better figure this out Olivia. You better start letting her in.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Later that night Olivia went into Alex’s bedroom to check on her. She put two aspirins and a glass of water on the nightstand next to the bed. As she was adjusting the covers, Alex began to stir.

“Olivia?” She tried to sit up, but couldn’t quite manage it.

“Yeah Alex, it’s me.” She scooped up the pills and water and offered them to Alex. “Take these and it will help you in the morning.”

Alex downed the pills and then looked around her room. “How’d I get home? Serena?” Olivia nodded. Alex looked at her and then flopped back down. “I don’t want Kurt at the ultrasound. I know I have no right but I’d like to have the right.” She struggled to sit back up. “Does that make sense?”

“Alex, I think you’re drunk and we should discuss this when you’re sober.” She started to get up to leave but Alex grabbed her arm.

“No.”

“What?”

“No. We are going to discuss this now Olivia. Come to bed and we’ll talk about it.” She began trying to pull Olivia into bed with her and the brunette began to struggle against her. The next thing Olivia knew, Alex was above her and settled between her legs. As Alex slid her hand under Olivia’s shirt, she began making slow circles on her stomach.

Olivia began to moan. “Oh Alex.”

Alex’s hands began to move all over Olivia, often in a less than arousing way. The alcohol marred her dexterity and she began to fumble with the waistband of Olivia’s sweat pants. Growing frustrated by her inability to undo the drawstring, she growled.
“Who the fuck makes these things?” Giving up, she planted a wet, sloppy kiss on Olivia’s mouth. The brunette tasted the alcohol and repulsed, she pulled away.

“Olivia” Alex was whining. “Come on baby, give it up!” She tried to move back over Olivia who rolled away.

“No Alex, not like this. Please!”

Alex, who was on all fours and crawling toward Olivia, stopped at the pain in her would be lover’s voice. Realizing her behavior, she plopped down on the bed.

“Oh God Olivia, I’m sorry!”

Olivia, now on her feet started trying to tuck Alex back in. “It’s ok Alex; you’re drunk.” She offered the other woman a weak smile and hurried from the room.

XXXXXXXXXX

4 days later

Olivia hadn’t seen Alex since that night as the other woman was up and out of the apartment before Olivia the next morning. She also came home long after she knew Olivia would be asleep. She was also ducking Olivia’s calls and the brunette was just about fed up with it. Her ultrasound was the next day and she needed to know if Alex was going to accompany her or not. Kurt was not an option.

Deciding to engage in some trickery of her own, she left a note for Alex telling her she was staying at Elliot’s that night to help out with Eli. At Elliot’s raised eyebrow she waved him off and told him to just play along with whatever she said in the event he ran into Alex before tomorrow.

Alex had been relieved to get the note from Olivia. She knew she’d screwed up by trying to force herself on Olivia. She needed time to think and sort things out and she’d been too busy trying to avoid Olivia to think about what she’d done.

“Cabot.”

“Casey and I are heading over to Chauncey’s after work. You wanna join us?”

“Thanks, but I’m going to have to pass. I’ve sworn off drinking for the foreseeable future. You and Ronald McDonald will have to make do without me.”

“Alex!”

“Good-bye Serena.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex was going to put on a pot of water for tea when the water faucet sprung a leak. Cursing, she managed to get the water turned off and went to change. Once she was wearing her tank top and shorts, she got her tool kit and a towel. Realizing the issue was coming from the pipe below and not the actual faucet, she cleared out space beneath the sink, placed her pink towel down and settled on her back underneath the offending pipe. She’d turned the radio on and was so engrossed in fixing the pipe, she didn’t hear Olivia enter the apartment.

The brunette found a pair of legs sticking out from under the sink. She took a moment to admire the shapely form before she made her presence known.

“Whatcha doin’ Alex?”

Startled, the blonde raised up and hit her head on the garbage disposal. “Ouch! Fuck!” Holding her head she shimmied out from under the sink and looked at Olivia. “Olivia.” She started to go back in under the sink but Olivia stopped her.

“Are you ok?” She reached for the blonde’s forehead.

Alex ducked her head and muttered, “I’m fine.” She went back under the sink and finished with, “Why aren’t you at Elliot’s?”

Olivia sat down next to Alex. “I got tired of you avoiding me and decided to trick you into coming home at a decent hour so we could talk.” Getting no response from Alex she leaned in under the sink and stilled her movements. “Alex, what are you doing?”

“The sink is leaking.”

Olivia moved back out from under the sink. “I can see that. I meant, what are you doing trying to fix it?”

Now Alex moved out from under the sink. “I learned how to do a lot of things while in witness protection. I’m not Bob Villa, but I can do a few things.”

Olivia picked up the hammer and laughed. Alex snatched it out of her hands.

“It’s pink!”

Alex scowled at her and grabbed a pair of pliers. “When you quit laughing, can you do me a favor and turn the handle?”

Olivia did as she was asked and tried not to laugh as Alex cursed. She went back to work and Olivia settled in next to Alex once again. Deciding she had Alex held captive and might get the answers she sought, she decided to start talking.

“My ultrasound is tomorrow.” Alex grunted in response. “Are you going to come with me?”

Alex did stop working at that and considered her answer. Not moving out to where Olivia could see her she asked, “Do you want me to?”

“Yes.”

“Kurt?”

“He’s not invited Alex.”

Alex sighed. “He is the father Olivia.”

“No Alex, he is just a sperm donor. You know I never knew my father Alex and that’s why it hurt when he said he just wanted to be a check writing part of this. I would never choose for my child to not know their father if at all possible, but Kurt made his decision.”

Alex motioned for her to try the handle again and smiled as she realized the faucet was fixed. She finally came out from under the sink and faced Olivia.

“And he changed his mind.”

Olivia shrugged. “And I’ll figure that out, but that doesn’t mean I want him there for the ultrasound, Lamaze or delivery.”

“Oh?”

Olivia reached out to touch the nasty bump that was forming on Alex’s forehead. “Yes.” She rubbed the angry area and smiled at the blonde.

“Then I’ll come. I just don’t want to interfere and I don’t want to get involved in this only to be pushed out later Liv.” The brunette nodded. Alex wiped her hands and collected her thoughts.

“Olivia, I am so sorry for the other night. I’m sorry I got drunk and I’m sorry I tried to…force you.” She shrugged. “I just….I….” She shook her head. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok Alex.” She bit her upper lip. “But Alex? You know my mom was a drunk. I can’t, won’t raise my baby around that. Ever. And I don’t want to lose my lesbian virginity to a drunk horny woman.”

Alex laughed and then leaned in and kissed her. She smiled and got up, then helped Olivia up. She walked Olivia to her bedroom door and hugged her goodnight.

“Alex?”

“If you want to keep your lesbian virginity safe from a horny, slightly concussed woman, you better sleep in here tonight.” She kissed Olivia on the cheek. “Besides, I want to be in top form when I pluck you.” She winked at Olivia and sauntered down the hall to her own bedroom.

They were sitting in the waiting room of the OB ’s office when Alex noticed Olivia was fidgeting.

“Liv?”

“Hmm?”

“Why are you so nervous?”

She put down the years old magazine she’d been flipping through and looked at Alex. “Because I’m about to see my baby for the first time. After today it’s all going to be real. I may even know the sex!”

Alex smiled at her and played with her hair. “Yes, I suppose it will.” She cocked her head and studied the brunette. “I bet he or she looks like you.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because you’re beautiful and this child will be too.” She almost leaned in and kissed Olivia on the cheek but stopped, unsure if that show of affection would be welcomed in her OB ’s office. “Have you considered any names?”

Olivia shrugged and smiled at Alex. “We’ll see what happens after today.”

They were finally called back and Alex gave Olivia as much privacy as possible while she changed into the ever present paper gown for the ultrasound. Alex was standing at the top of the exam table and Olivia reached out to take hold of her hand and pulled Alex closer.

The doctor found them that way as she entered the room and smiled at them.

“Alex! I was unaware you’d be joining us today, but I’m glad you could make it.” She went about setting everything up. “Olivia, this is going to be cold.”

She hissed as the doctor smeared the cold gel onto her belly.

“Alright ladies, are you ready to meet your baby? For this little guy or gal to meet their mommies?”

“I’m not…we’re not…” Alex was trying to get the right words out when Olivia tugged on her hand.

Looking directly into Alex’s eyes she told the doctor, “We’re ready to meet our baby.” She gave Alex’s hand a squeeze. “If that’s ok?”

Alex choked up, but managed to nod at Olivia.

“Ok then. Here we go.” She moved the wand around on Olivia’s belly and pointed out all the tiny parts of the baby. “Do you two want to know the sex?” Olivia nodded and then looked at Alex who agreed. After a few more passes over her belly, the doctor smiled and turned the monitor so they could more fully see the image. “Mom’s, you are having a baby boy. Congratulations!” She started printing the picture out and then left the room so Olivia could dress.

“I’m having a boy. Wow.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After they’d left the doctor’s office, Alex suggested they play hooky for the rest of the day. After some cajoling, Olivia agreed and Alex insisted they go baby shopping.

Alex insisted on taking Olivia to get maternity clothes and smiled as the other woman cursed the lack of fashionable mom-to-be wear. They did manage to find one item amongst the maternity tops and leggings that both women agreed the dark haired detective needed; a leather maternity coat.

Alex gladly plopped down her credit card and shooed Olivia away in search of maternity lingerie. The older woman was determined to be wearing something at least remotely suitable for being plucked by Alex Cabot.

After finding various items for Olivia, Alex found a baby sleeper she just had to have. She also found a womb bear, a sterling silver piggy bank, and a baby book. Olivia just shook her head and pulled Alex in the direction of food.

After they’d ordered, Alex broached the subject of the baby and her role in it’s life.

“Liv, what exactly did you mean at the doctor’s office?”

Olivia smiled. “Exactly what I said.”

Alex sighed. “Don’t play games Olivia. I hope you know by now how I feel about you and while I’m hoping that you meant you wanted me to be a part of this, I just want to be sure. I meant what I said last night about not wanting to get attached and then have you decide I’m not welcome in this baby’s life. I don’t think I could bear that Olivia.” She took the other woman’s hand in her own. Taking a deep breath, she plunged right in, heart on her sleeve.

“I look at you and I want you. All of you. Not just physically, though that is definitely a part of it. I want you emotionally and I want this baby. I want a family Olivia and I wan that with you. I want to come home to you and this little one and I want family holidays and school plays and hell, even the PTA.” She looked away and looking back at the woman before her; she decided to take the biggest risk of her life. “Olivia Benson, I love you and I need to know if we are on the same page?”

“Damn hormones!” Olivia began swiping at the quickly falling tears on her face. “Damn you for being so…so…you!” She jumped up and started to leave. She’d taken a few steps when she realized Alex wasn’t behind her and she looked back to see the devastated face of her almost lover. She held her hand out. “Alex, are you coming?”

The blonde jumped up and threw down more than enough to cover the bill and took Olivia’s hand. “Where are we going?”

“Home.”

The cab ride was eerily quiet and Alex was afraid Olivia had changed her mind and would be moving out within the hour. Olivia was worried that Alex had reached the end of her patience and wouldn’t understand her reasons for anything.

Fearing the worst, Alex let Olivia into the apartment first and watched as the other woman turned to face her.

“We need to talk Alex.”

Alex shut the door behind her and waited to see what Olivia would do. She didn’t have to wait long as the older woman settled in on the couch. Alex joined her and waited for her to speak.

“Alex, I’m scared.”

“Of us?” Olivia shook her head. “Of…me?”

“No! Not you; never you.”

Alex raised an eyebrow. “Ok. Help me understand here Olivia.”

Olivia began ringing her hands. “The…other.”

“The other?” Olivia nodded. “What other? Kurt? Olivia, if you’re afraid of him, don’t be. We’ll fight him every step of the way.” She took Olivia’s hand and rubbed the back of it with her thumb.

Frustrated, Olivia pulled away from Alex. “Not Kurt. That’ll work itself out.” She looked at Alex and then quickly away. “The OTHER! The…the…the sex part!”

Alex couldn’t help herself; she let out a full fledged laugh. “Oh Olivia, is that all?”

Angry, the brunette got up and faced Alex. “It’s not funny Alex Cabot! You have experience, I don’t!” She hurried to her room and shut the door. Alex rolled here eyes as she heard the lock click.

She gave Olivia a good 20 minutes before she knocked on the door. “Will you please let me in?”

“No.”

“Olivia, please?”

“No. I can’t look at you right now.”

“We can turn the lights off.”

Olivia thought about what she’d said and then rejected it. “It’s still daylight outside.”

Exasperated, Alex snapped at her, “Then pull the curtains!” She smiled as she heard movement in the room and the distinct sound of the curtains being drawn. She heard the lock click and hurried movement from the door. “I’m coming in, ok?”

Not getting a response, she moves into the now darkened room and she sees Olivia curled on the bed, her back to the door. She crosses the room and climbs on the bed. She settled in behind Olivia and wraped her and her child-their? - child, in her arms.

“Talk to me baby. Please.” She tightened her hold on Olivia, anchoring her in this moment.

“I don’t have any experience.”

Alex kissed the back of her head. “Neither did I.”

“Yeah, but you got to practice before the real thing. I mean, if you consider me your real thing?”

Alex moved her hand to Olivia’s swell and began to make circular motions. “You are most definitely my real thing.”

“Were you…nervous the first time?”
Alex considered what Olivia said and thought back to her first lesbian experience. “Yes, I guess I was. I’d never entertained the notion of going to bed with a woman before you and then when I found a dark haired, athletic looking woman, I could only think of you. She was fairly patient with me. It wasn’t the greatest sex I’d ever had, but it opened up a whole New World of possibilities to me. Our fling was short lived and it was a while before I pursued another lesbian encounter.” She linked her fingers with Olivia’s. “I felt like I’d cheated on you.”

“Really?” She felt Alex nod against her. “What’s it like? The taste?”

“Each woman has her own taste; some are tangy, some are musky and some are…unpleasant.” She regretted what she’d said as she felt Olivia tense against her. “I’m quite certain your taste will be divine Olivia.”

“I hope.” She pulled their linked hands to her lips and kissed them. “How many Alex?”

“Women?” Olivia nodded. “Four.”

“So I’ll only be competing against four? That’s not so bad.”

“You won’t be competing against anybody Olivia. If anything, they were competing against you.” When Olivia didn’t respond Alex nudged her. “Hey…what’s this really about?”

“Nothing.”

“Bull.”

“Were they pretty? Did they have nice bodies?”

“Yes. But they weren’t you. They couldn’t hold a light to you Olivia.” She felt Olivia shrink away from her. “Liv?”

Olivia finally turned over and faced Alex. She bowed her head and in a tiny voice she said, “I’m pregnant and my body doesn’t look like my body anymore Alex. I’m afraid you won’t like it.” She swallowed hard and in an even smaller voice she said, “Kurt didn’t.”

Alex tilted her head up. “He didn’t what? Like your body?”

Olivia shrugged. “He pointed out a few things that could look better. I didn’t pay much attention because I knew he wasn’t the one. But with you…it matters. What you think matters.” She looked at Alex again. “What if I don’t do it right?”

“Alex smiled at her. “Oh baby. We have the rest of our lives to ‘get it right’ and for the record, I love the way your body is changing. You’re softer, more round.” She cupped one of Olivia’s breasts. “Your breasts have gotten a bit bigger and I hope they get even bigger. I think you look sexy.” To emphasize her point she kissed Olivia. They kissed for a while before Olivia pulled away.

“I need to go slow Alex, ok?” The blonde nodded.

She eased off the bed. “Liv, I need to run by my office and get some files, ok? I’ll bring dinner back for us, ok?”

“Ok.” She watched the blonde head for the door. “Hey Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you too.” Alex smiled at her.
She heard Alex leave the apartment and she lay their contemplating what they had just experienced. She smiled at the love she’d felt from Alex and mentally compared it to all the men in her past who had claimed to love her. And then she began to start thinking about Alex in a sexual way.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex tore into the 16th precinct looking for Elliot Stabler. She found him by the coffee station.

“Stabler! I need to see you. Now.”

He raised an eyebrow at her and her tone, but sensed that it must involve Olivia for her to come barreling into the squad room. He followed her into the interrogation room.

“Is Liv ok?”

She considered her answer. “Not really.” She held up her hand. “Physically she’s fine, but that asshole Moss fucked with her head.”

Elliot bristled at the mention of the other man’s name. “What’s that spineless fuck done now?”

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex smiled as she walked through the door to the apartment carrying two bags of Chinese. She may not think Elliot Stabler hung the moon, but at least he had his partner’s back.

She got the food ready and went to Olivia’s door, which was once again shut. She thought she heard moaning coming from the room. Alarmed, she threw the door open and gasped at the sight before her.

Olivia had her pants around her knees and a dildo in her hand. She was having a hard time inserting the toy in and out of herself due to her awkward size. She stopped and immediately tried to pull her pants up, but Alex crossed the room and stopped her.

She sat on the side of the bed, took the dildo and looking into Olivia’s eyes, she began moving it in and out of the brunette. Olivia tried to speak, but Alex shook her head. She leaned over the brunette and picked up her tempo. Olivia began to squirm and her hips began to thrust to Alex’s rhythm.

She could feel her belly begin to tighten and she let out a long, low groan as her orgasm washed over her. Alex slowed her movements and brought Olivia down slowly. She smiled at the brunette and removed the dildo from her. Never breaking eye contact, she brought it to her mouth and licked it clean before placing it on the nightstand.

She stood and looked down at Olivia. Leaning over, she helped her pull her pants back up.

“Dinner’s ready.”

Slightly embarrassed, Olivia moved into the kitchen. Alex saw her and smiled at her as she went back to re-heating the food.

“Hey Alex?”

“Yes?” She noticed Olivia was looking rather shy. Having a good idea what Olivia was about to ask her, she put the plate down and took the brunette in her arms. Leaning in, she kissed her thoroughly and when she pulled back, she whispered, “Divine.”

Olivia’s face flamed. “How’d you know?”

Alex shrugged. “Common question I suppose. Or at least it was for me.” She raised the re-heated plates and motioned Olivia to sit down.

Dinner was rather quiet and both women were content to just enjoy the other’s presence. After dinner they snuggled on the couch and watched Comedy Central. Alex smiled when she realized Olivia had fallen asleep. She finally roused her enough to get her moving and she waited to see if Olivia would go into her bedroom or opt to sleep with Alex. She did a mental victory lap when the brunette moved swiftly past her bedroom and right down the hall into Alex’s.

As Alex settled into bed, Olivia snuggled into her and mumbled, “You make me feel safe.” And then she was fast asleep again.

XXXXXXXXXX

1 Week Later

Olivia had been skittish around Alex ever since the ‘dildo incident’ as Alex had begun to think of it. Aside from that night of cuddling on the couch, there had been no real physical contact between them during their waking hours. Olivia had started wrapping herself around Alex at night.

They had however settled into a somewhat content home life. Olivia had started cooking for the both of them as she was relegated to desk duty and now left the station at 5 every day.

“Hey, it’s me.”

“Hey you.

“When will you be home?”

“I can be there by 6, why?”

“I want to share something with you tonight Alex. I’m ready to tell you something.”

“Okay.” Alex hung up the phone and contemplated what it was Olivia could be ready to tell her. Sighing, she plunged back into work, mindful of the time.

XXXXXXXXXX

Entering the apartment, she followed the smells into the kitchen and hugged Olivia from behind. She nuzzled her neck and kissed her behind the ear.

“Smells good.” Olivia turned in her grasp and held the spoon up to Alex’s lips. “Oh God, that’s good!” Olivia smiled at the compliment.

“Go sit down and I’ll be right in.”

She served the gumbo and sweet bread and watched as Alex devoured the meal.

“Hungry?”

Alex smiled at her and licked her upper lip. “You could say that.” She winked at Olivia and delighted in her blush. “You want to tell me anything?”

Olivia nodded and wiped her mouth. She decided to just plunge right in. “About a year after you left I found a lump in my breast. I saw my doctor who did a biopsy. He didn’t like the results and we decided to do a lumpectomy. It was precancerous and bigger than he originally thought so the cut was bigger than he expected. I have a pretty nasty looking scare on my breast.” She shrugged.

“But you’re ok, right? I mean obviously you didn’t need any treatment other than removal, right?”

“Yeah, I’m good. I decided better safe than sorry. I just didn’t think it would look so…ugly.”

Alex waved her comment off. “I’m more concerned about you Liv, not what your breast looks like. What did Elliot say? Did he and Kathy take care of you?”

Olivia looked away. “He doesn’t know. I took a week off for the surgery and recovery. It was actually pretty minor, just…ugly.”

“You went through this alone? Thinking you might have breast cancer? And then surgery by yourself?” She reached out and took her hand. “I’m so sorry. I wish I’d been here for you.” She got a far away look in here eyes.

“And your mother.” Alex nodded. “I hesitated to tell you because I know she died of breast cancer.” Alex nodded.

Alex had a realization. “Your scar…is that one of the things Kurt found ‘wrong’ with you?” She used air quotes around the word.

“Yeah.” Olivia stood and began to clear away the dishes. Alex stood to help her and pulled Olivia into a hug.

They sat and watched a movie, each glancing at the other. Alex decided to take a chance.

“Liv? Will you show me your scar? Please?” She was surprised when the brunette nodded. “You will?”

“I’m ready Alex. It’s why I wanted you to come home early.” She stood in front of the blonde and began to unbutton her shirt. When she got down to her bra, she hesitated.

“Come here.” Alex pulled Olivia to her so that she straddled her lap. “Take your bra off.”

Olivia hesitated but relented and unhooked her black lace bra. She paused as it fell from her shoulders, but still covered her. Alex reached up and slid it the rest of the way down her arms. She smiled up at Olivia as her breasts were exposed and reached a hand up to trace the ugly, jagged scar on her left breast. She withdrew her hand as Olivia flinched.

“Sensitive?”

“Not…no. I mean, not really. Just…nobody’s touched it much.”

“Kurt?” Olivia shook her head.

“He didn’t like it. Said it was ugly. That it marred an otherwise lovely landscape.”

Alex squelched her desire to castrate Kurt Moss in favor of taking care of her girlfriend.

She traced the line of the scar and murmured, “Beautiful.” Olivia started to shake her head and Alex leaned in, keeping her eyes on Olivia’s. She took the nipple into her mouth and held Olivia to her as the other woman gasped and then moaned at the sensations.

“Alex….” She had her hands in Alex’s hair, holding the blonde to her. “Oh Alex….”

Alex turned them in one fluid motion so that she was on top of Olivia on the couch. She moved from Olivia’s breast to her mouth.

“I want you Liv.” The brunette nodded and they began kissing again. Alex started her journey down Olivia’s body when Olivia let out an ‘oof!’ She raised her eyebrow and Olivia smiled. “What?”

“That was Wyatt.”

Alex pulled back and looked at her. “Wyatt?” Realization dawned on her. “The baby?”

Olivia grabbed her hand and placed it low on her belly. They waited for a few moments and when nothing happened, Alex bent in and kissed Olivia again.

“Is that the first time he’s moved?” Olivia nodded. “Wyatt huh?”

“Well, nothing’s settled, but I’m trying it out. Wyatt Alexander.”

Alex felt her arousal ratchet up a notch. “Now I really want you.” She giggled and moved back to Olivia’s lips. They were kissing and touching each other when the shrilling of Alex’s cell phone interrupted them. “Damn!” She scrambled off of Olivia and flipped it open.

“Cabot.”

“Don’t sound so happy to hear my voice Alexandra.”

She rolled her eyes. “What do you need Jim, and it better be good!”

Amused he asked, “Did I interrupt?”

“As a matter of fact you did.”

“Oh. Sorry. We have a little situation and I need you down here.”

She groaned, but knew she had to go in. Shooting an apologetic look at Olivia she hung up and allowed herself a minute to lay with her girlfriend.

“I’m sorry Liv.”

“It’s ok. I’m not going anywhere.”

She watched Alex straighten up herself and as she moved toward the door. She decided to be evil.

“Hurry back counselor. You’ve got some plucking to do.”

5 Days Later

Alex wanted to bang her head into the nearest brick wall. The latest case had taken a turn for the bizarre and she hadn’t seen Olivia for longer than 10 minutes at a time since the night they’d almost made love. They crossed paths in the mornings before work, but that was about it. Even though she was on desk duty, Olivia still wanted to pull her weight, so she’d been staying late and helping out on a big case SVU was working.

“Al, I think we have enough for an arrest.”

Alex rubbed her eyes and held her hand out to Jim to see the affidavit. She quickly scanned it and signed off on it. Letting out a deep breath she said, “Tell the uni’s to go get him and we’ll have the warrant waiting.”

Hoping to catch Olivia she called her girlfriend and invited her to lunch.

“Can’t. Looks like we might have enough for a warrant here Alex. I’m tied to this desk until it comes through.”

“How about I bring lunch to you then?”

XXXXXXXXXXX

As they sat in the crib eating the lunch Alex had picked up for them, they took the time to catch up on each other’s lives over the last few days.

“Have you been resting like you should Olivia?”

“Yes Mom.” She smiled.

“I doubt you’ve ever wanted to do the things with your mom that you want to do with me.” Alex quirked an eyebrow and smiled back at Olivia.

“That’s true. I’ve never wanted my mother to go down on me or talk dirty to me or make my body her playground.” She smirked at the look of shock on Alex’s face.

“So…you’ve thought about us being together, huh?”

Olivia rolled her eyes. “Duh.” She leaned into Alex’s personal space a bit more and whispered, “Just who do you think I was thinking about the night you helped me out?”

Alex took her comment in stride and took hold of Olivia’s hand. “Tell me about it. Tell me how you imagine it; fantasize about it and I’ll do my best to make sure it happens that way.”

Olivia considered her question. “Romance and love.” Olivia winked at her. “I’ll have to tell you the rest when there’s no chance of prying ears.”

XXXXXXXXXX

The Next Day

Olivia arrived at work to find a dozen orange colored roses on her desk. Smiling, she opened the card.

O

"The most eloquent silence; that of two mouths meeting in a kiss."

A

Smiling, she sat down and held the card close to her chest. Elliot had watched her face go from surprised to dreamy. He rolled his eyes but then smiled at her.

“Orange, huh?”

“What?”

“Orange roses symbolize desire.” He shrugged. “Alex must really want you.”

She blushed. “How’d you know what they symbolize?”

“After the yellow rose’s thing, I figured I might could score a few points with Kathy so I sent her some roses of a different color.”

Olivia looked at him. “What color did you send?”

“Not telling, but let’s just say it worked out well for me.”

“So does that mean a 6th Stabler baby might be on the way?”

Elliot spewed his coffee across his desk and sputtered at her. “Hell no.” He thought for a minute and then reached for the phone. “Hey Kath…”

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia arrived home that night to find Alex in the kitchen cooking. The blonde smiled at her and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Dinner will be ready in about 15 minutes. Go on and freshen up.” She smiled to herself as she heard Olivia going down the hallway.

Olivia moved into the bathroom and was surprised at what she saw. On the mirror, written in red lipstick were the words, “I love you. XOXO” She smiled and began to freshen up. As she finished rinsing her face she felt a pair of arms wrap around her and lips nibbling on her neck. She leaned back against Alex and offered up her lips for a kiss. Alex obliged and then nibbled on her neck.

“Nice artwork.” Olivia nodded in the direction of the lipstick.

“Just wanted to get your attention. And it’s the truth.” She rubbed Olivia’s belly. “Come on, let’s get Wyatt fed.”

“Zoltan.”

“Zoltan?”

“It’s Hungarian and means life.”

“Okaaay.”

XXXXXXXX

After dinner they skipped the living room and went right to the bedroom, where Alex plumped up pillows and settled against them. She then pulled Olivia to her and settled her between her legs. She picked up a lesbian romance novel and began to read a loud from it, making Olivia laugh.

“Where the hell did you get that and why are you reading it to me?”

“Hush. Just listen.”

By the time Alex Cabot had finished reading to Olivia, the brunette was thoroughly turned on. She turned and offered her mouth up to Alex for a kiss. The blonde didn’t disappoint, but also didn’t take it any further. She grinned as she realized Olivia was twitching against her and growling in frustration.

“Problem Liv?”

Olivia sat up and scowled at Alex. “I’m ready Alex.”

“I’m sure you are. Now, will you go to dinner with me tomorrow night?”

“Ok. Where are we eating?”

“It’s a surprise. Now, it’s time you and little…Zoltan get some sleep.”

XXXXXXXXXX

Olivia awoke to an empty bed the next morning and after coming out of the bathroom, she found her black lace intimates lying on the bed with a note asking her to wear them. She moved into the kitchen where she found a place setting with rose petals sprinkled about waiting on her. There was also a note letting her know breakfast was in the fridge, as well as a packed lunch.

Smiling she removed the cold fruit plate from the fridge and sat down to eat feeling oddly happy. After she finished, she cleaned up and took the lunch Alex had packed and then left for work.

When she arrived at the station, she found a single white lily lying on her desk. She looked at Elliot who just shrugged. Looking around she found Chester smiling at her.

“What do you know about this?”
He walked over to her. “Only that I’m supposed to give you this.” He handed her what was obviously a card. She opened the envelope and smiled at what was written.

Olivia,

They do not love that do not show their love.-Shakespeare
And tonight my dear detective, I fully intend on showing you my love.

Alex

“Must be some kinda groove Cabot’s tryin’ to get on.”

Olivia looked up to see Fin watching her.

“What makes you say that?”

“Flowers yesterday, you came in late this morning, carrying a packed lunch no less and she’s got Chester here delivering love poems to ya.” He shrugged. “In light of the evidence, I’m betting you two ain’t done the nasty yet.” He looked Olivia up and down. “But I bet come Monday morning there’s another set of roses on ya desk for a whole other meanin’.”

She wanted to deny what he’d just said, but she knew he had to be right. The morning flew by and she was a bit disappointed that Alex hadn’t called her all morning. The guys went out for lunch, but remembering the one Alex had packed for her, she begged off. After opening the lunch sack, she was glad she had.

Tucked in next to Olivia’s favorite lunch food, was a note. All it contained was an imprint in lipstick of Alex’s lips and the words, “On you tonight.” Olivia had to fan herself at the thoughts of Alex’s lips on her body. Unable to take it any longer, she dialed Alex’s cell phone. When it went straight to voice mail, she called Alex’s office. She was surprised when Alex’s assistant answered and informed her Alex was out for the afternoon.

Her afternoon crawled by and she contemplated leaving work early, but Elliot kept finding busy work for her to do. She was getting annoyed until right at 5 when a man in a uniform arrived in the bullpen and asked for her by name.

“That’s me.”

He smiled at her. “You are to come with me at the request of Miss Cabot. I will be escorting you to your dinner with her.”

“Ok.”

She followed him out to a town car that headed in the direction of Central Park. He stopped and helped her from the car. He then walked her to a horse drawn carriage and helped her inside.

“Where’s Alex?”

“You will be picking Miss Cabot up shortly.”

She watched the scenery go by and was surprised when they came to a stop and Alex climbed in next to her. The blonde kissed her and motioned for the driver to continue.

“You sure know how to woo a girl Miss Cabot.”

“Good. I want everything to be perfect and magical tonight.” She watched Olivia for any reaction before continuing. “You do realize we are going to make love tonight right?”
Olivia laughed. “Well after all of this I’d certainly hope!”

Alex took her hand and they settled into the quietness of the ride. After several more blocks they were stopping in front of a tiny Italian restaurant. Olivia waited while Alex paid the driver and then escorted her into the restaurant.

“Miss Alex! I saw your name on the reservation list and was so glad! Come, I have your usual table.”

After they were seated Olivia raised an eyebrow.

“Usual table?”

Alex shrugged. “This is my place. My little sanctuary in an otherwise loud, sometimes rude city.”

Olivia couldn’t help herself. “Did you ever bring Robert here?”

Alex shook her head. “You are the only person I’ve ever brought here.”

Dinner was cozy and pleasant and the conversation flowed easily until desert was served. Alex noticed Olivia began to grow quiet.

“Everything alright Liv?” The brunette nodded. “Nervous?”

She chuckled. “That obvious?”

Alex took her hand. “Tonight is about us Olivia; our love. Regardless of what happens between us physically, this will be a celebration of our love.”

“I just wish we could fast forward ahead to our third or fourth time together.”

“Olivia, how was your first time with a man?”

She grimaced. “Painful. But kinda nice too because of the closeness I felt to him.”

“And did you climax?”

Olivia blushed. “No. Definitely not.”

“Yet it was still an experience you wanted to repeat?” Olivia nodded. “This is no different. Yes, it can be awkward.” She seemed to be remembering her first time. “But ultimately worth it.” She finished with a smile.

“So your first time, with a woman, wasn’t so great?”

Alex laughed. “No, it was pretty ok. Not earth shattering, but far better than Spence Moder’s fumbling attempt my sophomore year of college.” She watched Olivia’s face falter.

“Oh.”

“Liv, listen to me. When one has a fluid or flexible sexuality, they get to have two firsts of everything love related; kiss, sex, girlfriend, break-up. Everything. But I know that for me I will only ever get to have one of those things; making love Olivia. I’ve never made love before because to me making love means actually being in love. Otherwise it’s just sex. Maybe mind blowing, toe curling sex, but it’s not making love.”

“You’ve never been in love before?”
Alex shook her head. “No. Have I thought I was in love before? Yes. Was I? No.” She took Olivia’s hand. “So I want this to be perfect for you and me and yes, I am nervous too because this has never meant as much to me as tonight will.” She waved the waiter over and paid the bill.

As they left the restaurant, Alex took Olivia’s hand. “Let’s walk.”

“Uh, Alex, that’s quite a hike back to the apartment. I don’t think I’m up for a walk that long.”

Alex smiled at her and then leaned in and kissed her as they stood on the side walk. “We’re not going home.”

“What?”

She smiled at Olivia. “The other beautiful thing about having two firsts is that you get to do it right the second time. Come on, we’re going to the Greenwich Hotel right here in TriBeca.”

“Isn’t that DeNiro’s hotel?” Alex nodded.

“And we have a suite booked for the weekend.”

XXXXXXXXXXX

Once inside their corner suite, Olivia turned to Alex. “Alex, what about clothing? Toothbrushes?”

Alex smiled at her and pointed toward the closet. “I took the afternoon off, packed for us both and checked in earlier.” She pointed to the lone bag. “I don’t suspect we’ll need much clothing.”

Olivia nodded and excused herself to use the restroom. Once behind closed doors, she began to panic about her personal hygiene. She let the water run and grabbed a wash cloth. As she was cleaning herself the door opened and Alex stepped inside and stopped her.

“I want to taste you Olivia, not some fruity body wash. Now, let’s go make love.”

She found Alex sitting on the end of the bed, waiting for her. The blonde smiled at her shyness and held her arms out to her. Olivia stepped into them and allowed Alex to hold her. Gradually, Alex stood up and began kissing Olivia.

She began to unbutton Olivia’s shirt. Olivia tensed up a bit and Alex stopped. She moved to her own shirt and began to unbutton it as she maintained eye contact with Olivia. When both of their shirts were undone and hanging on their shoulders, Alex turned from Olivia.

“Alex? Did I do something wrong?”

Looking over her shoulder she smiled. “No.” She turned to face Olivia and bit her upper lip. “You’re not the only one with scars Olivia.”

Realization dawned on Olivia. “The shooting?” Alex nodded. “Alex, you’ve seen my scar; yours can’t be any…well, it can’t be worse looking than mine.” Growing frustrated she tried to correct herself. “What I mean Alex is that just like my scar is a part of me and kept me alive, yours is a symbol of surviving too.” She touched Alex’s shoulder and turned her so that they were facing each other. “Let me see it, please?”

Alex took a deep breath and let her blouse slide from her shoulders. “Nobody’s ever really seen it before. I usually keep it covered with make-up.” Olivia immediately saw the blemish on her soon-to-be lover’s skin. She touched it with her finger tip and then leaned in and kissed it.

Before her lips had even left the scar, Alex had grabbed her head and captured her lips. She went about removing Olivia’s bra and allowing hers to be removed as well. She smiled as Olivia went from shy to curious as she looked at Alex’s breasts.

Alex began working on Olivia’s pants. “Liv?”

Olivia, who was trying to kiss Alex mumbled, “Huh?”

Alex stopped and tilted Olivia’s head up “Liv, in very short order I am going to strip you, lay you down on that bed and make love to you. If you have any reservations, you need to tell me now. If you don’t want to welcome my hands upon you, you need to tell me now. If you want me, you need to tell me now.” She held Olivia’s eyes, waiting for her answer.

Olivia swallowed hard and nodded. “I want you.”

Alex wasted no time in divesting Olivia of her remaining clothing and then her own. She nudged the brunette back against the bed and helped her to lie down. She settled between the detective’s legs and kissed her for long moments. They both smiled as Olivia’s belly caused a bit of an obstacle for Alex. Rising up on her knees, she moved downward to Olivia’s breasts. She paid special attention to the left one and thumbed its nipple. She could feel the wetness seeping from her center and moved so that it was in direct contact with Olivia’s thigh.

“Do you feel that? This is how much I want you Olivia; how much I love you.” To emphasize her point she took Olivia’s hand and brought it to her center. The detective hesitated at first but as Alex whispered loving words into her ear, she became more comfortable with touching the blonde.

She moved her hand down to Olivia’s thatch of hair and teased her opening, bringing the brunette’s hips up off the bed. Alex teased her for long moments, kissing and caressing other areas of her body as she slowly worked her way down the older woman’s body. She stopped as she came to the swell of Olivia’s belly.

Holding it in both hands, she smiled at Olivia. “Beautiful.” She then leaned in and kissed the belly, and whispering to it.

“What? What did you just say?”

Alex felt her face color. “I…I said ‘I love you’ to the baby.” Not giving Olivia a chance to respond, she resumed kissing her and moved down her body. She felt Olivia tense a bit as she neared her center. “It’s ok baby. I’ve got you.”

“I love you Alex.”

The blonde smiled and parted Olivia’s folds with her tongue. Olivia’s hips came up off the bed and she swore. Alex lavished attention on her clit and sucked and nibbled on her folds until Olivia was begging for release.

Alex went for a more direct approach and sucked harder on Olivia’s stiffened clit. She also eased first one and then two fingers into her lover, bringing Olivia’s hips even higher off the bed.

“Oh God Alex! Oh please!” Olivia’s body felt on fire and Alex’s tongue was doing things to her she’d never imagined. Or at least never imagined anyone would ever do to her.

With one last tug and suck, Olivia crashed over the edge and Alex began to gently bring her back down. She slowed the movements of her fingers and cleaned her folds with her tongue. She then kissed the inside of Olivia’s thighs and eased back up beside her. Olivia buried her face in Alex’s neck and held on for dear life.

“Shhh. It’s ok baby. I’ve got you. I’ll always have you.” She kissed Olivia’s forehead. “If you’ll have me.”

“Oh I plan on having you Miss Cabot.” She yawned. “Just as soon as I rest up. You wore me out.” At that exact moment, the baby gave Olivia a swift kick. “Ohh! Wow.” Concerned, Alex placed her hand on Olivia’s belly.

“Are you ok? That felt like a pretty hard kick!”

Olivia patted Alex’s hand. “Ryder doesn’t want to be left out.”

“Ryder? What happened to Zoltan?”

“Just keeping my options open.” She snuggled in further to Alex. “And yes Alex, we’ll have you for as long as you want us.” She kissed the blondes neck. “Now, the sooner I nap, the sooner I can return the favor.”

“You’re staring at me.” Alex Cabot opened her eyes and smiled at Olivia. Stretching, she rolled onto her back and yawned. Turning her head to look at Olivia she smiled and rolled back in her direction. “How are you?”

Olivia blushed faintly and then smiled at her lover. “Wonderful.” She placed her hand on Alex’s cheek and rubbed. “If I’d known making love could be this good, I’d have gone lesbo a long damn time ago!”

Alex laughed. “Seriously Liv, no regrets?” The brunette shook her head. “Good.” Alex was visibly relieved.

“What is it Alex?”

“It’s nothing. I was just afraid…well, you know.”

She took Olivia’s hand and kissed it and then moved on to her mouth. They kissed for a while before Olivia nudged Alex onto her back. With very little grace, she moved on top of Alex and straddled her waist.

“I’m ready to return the favor Miss Cabot.” She smiled at her lover and leaned down as best she could for a kiss. They both laughed at her inability to maneuver very well. “This would be so much easier if I weren’t five and a half months pregnant!”

Alex smiled at her. “But not nearly as sexy.”

Her comment seemed to give Olivia the confidence she needed and the brunette began kissing the blonde. She pulled back and grasped one of Alex’s breasts, thumbing the nipple. Alex steadied her by lightly holding her belly. “Coral.” Alex nodded.

Olivia scooted down to Alex’s thighs and captured one of her nipples with her mouth. Alex groaned and held Olivia’s head to her. The brunette pulled back and smiled at Alex. “Sweetie, I’m going to need to move.” She turned so her head was level with Alex’s crotch and urged the blonde onto her side. “Open up sweetie. I really, really want to taste you.”

Alex bent her leg at the knee and threw her top leg behind her bottom one, giving Olivia an unobstructed view of her sex. She waited while Olivia explored her outer lips first with her fingers and then by using her nose to nuzzle the downy blonde hair.

“Glad to see you’re a true blonde Miss Cabot.” She didn’t wait for Alex to comment; she simply pushed forward with her tongue and tasted a woman for the first time. “Oh God, that taste so…good!”

Olivia was awash in the sensation of touching another woman with her tongue. The slightly pebbled texture of Alex’s inner lips became her playground, and she found the mix of tangy-sweet juices flowing from Alex to be delicious. She lapped at her like a kid with an ice cream cone. Alex was twitching and beginning to pant.

“Liv, please!”

Answering Alex’s pleas, she grabbed her hips and held her to her face. She pulled her clit between her lips and sucked hard while letting her tongue dance over the other woman’s clit with great speed.

Alex was quivering and moaning and holding onto Olivia as her world began to come apart. As Olivia swiped her clit one last time, Alex’s top leg shot out straight, her head fell back and she screamed Olivia’s name.

Olivia rubbed her thigh and gently nipped at her lips, trying to bring her down slowly. When she was sure Alex was done, moved back up to her lover and pulled the blonde into her arms.

“I love you Alex.”

Alex giggled. “My high school guidance counselor was right; it is different with somebody you love.”

“Glad to see you’re thinking about your guidance counselor right now!”

Alex kissed Olivia. “Actually I was thinking about how much I love you right now and that just popped into my head.” She rubbed Olivia’s belly again. “Are you sure you’ve never done that before?”

“So it was good?”

“Better than good baby. Fanfuckingtastic!”

“I was afraid it wouldn’t measure up.” She kissed Alex’s cheek. “I glad you liked it.”

To emphasize the point, the baby gave Olivia a swift kick, which Alex felt as well.

“No matter what Olivia, I love you and I want to make love to you day and night, though that may not work out too well with our work schedules.”

Olivia stretched against her. “We could just quit work.”

Alex considered what she was about to say and then broached the topic.

“I have money Olivia. A lot of it actually. If you wanted to, you could stop working. Be a stay at home mom. Or take a longer than normal maternity leave.” She tightened her hold on Olivia. “If you wanted to.”

Olivia turned in Alex’s arms. “And what, you’d give me an allowance?”

“Well…sort of I guess.” She sighed. “I meant what I said Olivia; I want it all with you. A home, a family, holidays, PTA, school plays, rings, commitments, a dog maybe, whatever you want.”

“Ok.”

“Ok? Ok what?”

“Ok to all of it. I want that too and I want that with you. But I need to think about this whole time off thing, ok?”

Alex pushed Olivia’s hair off of her forehead. “So you’re ok with us being together, raising this baby together as a family unit, wearing my ring and sending out a family Christmas card?”

“Yes.” She kissed Alex. “I love you. I think I always have, but I just never realized what the feeling was. You make me feel safe, loved, wanted. None of the men I’ve been with have ever made me feel what you do. When Casey kissed me and touched me, it just felt yucky. But with you, it feels right. It feels like this is where I am supposed to be for the rest of my life.”

Alex kissed her deep and hard and began to touch her body all over. As the kissing grew more frantic, their hands began to move all over each other.

“I need you Liv. I need to taste you.”

The brunette started to roll onto her back but Alex stopped her.

“What?”

“Sit on my face.”

“I’ve never…Alex, I can’t!”

Alex slowed her motions and began to gently touch and arouse Olivia’s breasts. “Yes you can baby. That’s what this weekend is about; firsts. Besides, it’ll be easier on you.” She urged Olivia onto her body and slowly talked her into position. “Grab the headboard baby.” When she was sure Olivia was steady, she held onto her thighs and pushed her tongue up and into Olivia as deeply as she could.

“Oh fuck!”

Olivia had her back pressed against the wall of the oversized marble shower stall and hot water was washing down over her. That however was not what was making her moan; a certain blonde on her knees doing things with her tongue to Olivia’s most private parts was the guilty party.

“Oh God Alex!” After she’d sat on Alex’s face the night before and had her world torn apart by an earth moving orgasm, she’d become far more vocal in their lovemaking. She’d shed the last vestige of modesty as Alex had pulled her into the shower and began ‘cleaning’ her…with her tongue.

In a bold move, she reached down and pushed Alex’s head hard against her center and began to thrash her own head back and forth. She spread her legs even further apart and thrust her hips forward trying to get as much contact as possible with Alex. Alex tightened her hold on the brunette and ignoring the pain in her knees, she thrust her tongue harder and deeper into her lover.

A few more flicks and Olivia was coming hard and fast. Alex had to hold her to keep her from falling. Sure she wasn’t going to topple over; Alex stood up and kissed Olivia. Opening her eyes, Olivia leaned in and whispered, “I love you.” Alex nodded at her and grabbed the loofa and they cleaned each other.

XXXXXXXXXX

After they’d eaten breakfast, they returned to bed. Alex sat against the headboard with Olivia in the v of her legs. She turned on the TV and they sat watching a movie in comfortable silence. After the movie was over, Olivia turned and smiled at Alex. The blonde leaned in and kissed her and held her tight.

“Hey Alex?”

“Yes?”

“I’ve been thinking about the whole maternity leave thing; I don’t want to quit being a cop, but I don’t want to stick him in day care at 6 weeks either. Not if I don’t have to.”

“Ok.” She waited, knowing Olivia was working up to something.

“Alex…I don’t want to be a kept woman. If I wanted that, I could have stayed with Kurt. My job is important to me. So is my independence.”

“Ok.”

“I…I want to find a happy medium. Does that make sense?”
“It makes perfect sense. So what do you think makes a happy medium?”

Olivia considered her words and replied, “I don’t know. I’ve…Alex, I’ve always only had myself to rely on. I’m not sure I know how to do this. What were you thinking?”

Alex sighed. “I’m note sure I know either Liv. Let me do some digging and see what I can come up with.” She laughed. “I hardly see you sitting around eating bon bons!”

Olivia laughed as well. “Hey Alex, did you have any plans of leaving the room all weekend?” Alex shrugged. “Would you be willing to go with me to that little book store right around the corner? I’d really like to start reading to Riley.”

“Riley?” Olivia nodded. “Do you change names daily?”

“Not always, but Ryder just made me think of those big yellow moving trucks.”

Alex laughed at her comment and then pulled the other woman up. “Come on. Let’s go get Sprout some books.”

“Sprout?”

“Hey, don’t knock it!”

XXXXXXXXXXX

Alex found Olivia reading through a book. She was so deeply engrossed she didn’t hear the blond come up behind her. She jumped when she felt arms go around her.

“Alex! You scared me!”

The blonde nuzzled her neck and nipped lightly at her skin. “What’s got you so mesmerized you didn’t hear me?” Olivia held up the book so Alex could see the cover. “Oh, Baby, the Places You’ll Go?”

“Yep. It’s written specifically for reading to the baby while it’s in utero. Did you get anything?”

“Well…there are a couple of books I found that might be useful to us…you…us. If you’re interested.”

Olivia noticed Alex was being a bit shy and looked in the direction she had pointed to. It was the ‘gay parenting’ section of books. She kissed Alex on the cheek and pulled her in that direction.

By the time they left the bookstore, they had gotten a book on lesbian parenting. Alex had raised her eyebrow at Olivia, who had just shrugged and mumbled something about telling her later.

After leaving the bookstore, they found a small café and had lunch. As desert was brought out to them, Alex asked Olivia about her comment in the bookstore.

“Alex, what would have to happen for you to be legally recognized as this child’s parent?”

Alex couldn’t help the relief that washed over her and smiled brightly at her lover.

“Kurt needs to sign away his rights and then I’d have to adopt Sprout. Do you really want me legally recognized as one of his mother’s?”

“Yes, I do. I also want to be legally tied to you Miss Cabot.” She smiled at Alex. “What do you want?”

Alex grinned at her with a purely predatory look in her eyes. “To be between your legs, tongue buried deep within you. Right now.”

Not missing a beat, Olivia stood and said, “Let’s go.”

XXXXXXXXXXX

As soon as they were behind closed doors, Alex began her oral assault on Olivia’s neck, hands pushed deep in the brunette’s hair. They began stripping each other and as soon as they were both naked, Alex led them over to the bed. She tried to ease Olivia down on the bed but met resistance.

“What?” She smiled. “Oh! Do you want to sit on my face again?!”

Olivia shook her head no, pushed Alex down on the bed and tried to sink to her knees. Realizing that wasn’t going to work, she brought the wing back chair to the foot of the bed and moved it in as close as possible. She motioned for Alex to scoot down until her hips were flush with the edge of the bed. Sitting down in the chair, she brought each of Alex’s legs to the arms of the chair, effectively cocooning herself in Alex.

Leaning forward, she studied Alex’s sex. “My, my counselor, you seem to be a bit damp.”

“Keep looking and not touching and you’ll soon find the great flood Olivia!”

Lazily she pulled her fingers through the dark blonde hair. “Now, now Miss Cabot; I’ve never seen another woman’s pussy besides my own. My condition…our child,” At her words Alex moaned and twitched, “makes properly exploring your most intimate parts rather difficult.” Using two fingers, she spread Alex’s lips and simply stared at her sex.

“Liv!”

Ignoring her plea, Olivia dipped just a fingertip into Alex. Alex’s hips came up off the bed and Olivia lowered her head, capturing the blonde’s clit between her lips. She hummed and hardened her tongue. She rubbed against the quickly growing nub fast and furiously.

Alex had hooked one of her legs around Olivia and was gasping and calling to God for Olivia to bring her sweet relief. Olivia grabbed Alex’s hips and went deep inside her lover with her tongue. She also pressed against, but not into, Alex’s other opening with her thumb.

Alex’s back arched, her head trashed about and she used words not appropriate for polite company as her orgasm ripped through her. Olivia freed herself from the Alex cocoon and joined the blonde on the bed, where Alex held her as she continued to come down from her orgasm high.

“Pleased with your self detective?” Olivia blushed but she also nodded. “You have every right to be. That fucking phenomenal!”

“I owed you one.”

“And now I owe you.” Alex quickly had Olivia on her back and straddling her thigh she rubbed against the brunette while her fingers danced in and out of her lover.

XXXXXXXXXX

They had stayed in the hotel for the remainder of Saturday and had to request a late checkout on Sunday. They had continued the Sapphic arts well into the night on Sunday, which is why Olivia was more than an hour late getting to work on Monday and Alex left the house wearing a high collar shirt.

As she was coming into the bullpen, she passed Munch who simply smirked at her. She next encountered Chester who smiled and shook his head as he followed Munch to the elevators.

As she approached her desk, she saw why they had reacted the way they had to her. On her desk sat three dozen roses; red, white and then a mix of orange, lavender, pink and yellow.

Elliot just smiled at her and when he started to say something she shot him a death glare. That however did not stop Fin.

“Damn Liv, let me know if you and Cabot ever break-up! Whatever you did this weekend to earn roses of love, new beginnings and a mix of all things romantic, I want in on that!”

PART 2