Pairing: Olivia and Alex of course

Warning: This is my first fan fic ever and I don't think it's up to
par with some of the stuff I'd read on this list. I just wanted to
take a stab at it and to distract myself from writing an English paper.


Beep. Beep. Beep.

It was 9:30 AM on Monday morning. Turning to her right side, Olivia
Benson looked at the display of her alarm clock and groaned as she hit
the snooze button. "God, just give me five more minutes…" she pleaded
as she closed her eyes. The alarm went off again and Olivia forced
herself to get out of the warmth of her bed. After stretching out her
sleepy muscles and hearing a few popping noises as she worked the
kinks out of her back, she padded to the bathroom to brush and wash
her face. Then she walked across the hall to check on one of the
loves of her life.

Upon seeing Olivia enter the room, blue eyes lit up with excitement
along with a toothy grin to go with it. "Mamamama!" he exclaimed.
Standing up in his crib, Alexander James Benson smiled and was ready
to start the week off with his mama.

"Hey baby, how's my little man this morning? Did you sleep ok?"
Olivia cooed as she picked up her pride and joy and kissed the side of
his face, smelling the sweet baby smell of her son. In response, he
giggled and gave his mama on open mouthed, sloppy kiss on her nose.
The two made their way out into the living room to check out the city
through their large window. It was Monday morning and the streets
were filled with cabs busy picking people up and dropping them off.
Alex pointed out the window while speaking baby gibberish to his mama.
So far, all he could say was: mama, hi, yeah and no, there, milk, and
(believe it or not) Munch, after his favorite uncle. "Yeah, that's
New York for ya. You wanna go out this morning for breakfast? It
looks like it's going to be sunny. What do you say?" Looking at his
mama, Alex simply clapped without really understanding what his mother
was telling him. Olivia took that as an affirmative answer and headed
for the bedroom to get her and Alex ready to go out.

Dressed in a baby sized NYPD navy-blue hooded sweatshirt and some
cargo pants to go with it, Alex Benson was secured in his stroller
waiting impatiently for his mama to finish getting ready. "Alright,
alright, I'm coming. Geez, you almost sound like…" She didn't want
to finish that thought because every time she thought about her son's
namesake, a wave of sadness would just engulf her. And she didn't
want that to happen now. Olivia was walking around the apartment,
making sure she had everything they needed for their morning
adventure. Peering into her North Face backpack (the normal diaper
bags weren't her style), she found 3 bottles of milk, diapers, baby
wipes, 2 sets of clothes just in case Alex got messy with his food,
and hand sanitizing wipes. With a satisfied smile, she put the
backpack on and stuffed her Nalgene water bottle into one of the side
mesh pockets of the bag and was ready to go.

As they were going down in the elevator, Olivia was grateful that she
took the week off to get some rest and to spend some much needed
quality time with her son. After least week, she was seriously
considering cutting back on her hours. Two rape cases, a murder
suicide, and Casey's incessant nagging kept her stuck at the station
for the majority of the week. Thank goodness her babysitter, Marion,
was gracious enough to watch Alex longer than she had to. So now,
Olivia had the week off after Cragen told her to take the much needed
vacation time. Munch, Fin, and Elliot agreed and said they'd be ok at
the station without her and some of her paperwork could wait until she
got back. She was skeptical, but deep down she knew they were
encouraging her to take a break because they cared about her.

Exiting the building, Olivia and Alex were now immersed in the hustle
and bustle of a New York Monday morning. Alex was mesmerized at all
the people moving around him, the different sounds his little ears
were picking up, and the various smells filling his tiny nostrils. To
put it mildly, he was excited to be outside in the city. Olivia
looked down at him and asked, "Starbucks or Peet's Coffee?" Alex
frowned at both choices. "Ok, no mainstream coffee chains then. I
know, I know, they're just bogus corporations, run by evil doers of
American society, trying to steal my money while pumping me with
expensive coffee that I could make myself. Oh my gosh, I'm starting
to sound like your Uncle Munch. And I know how much you care about
me, so what do you say we try Joe's Café. I'll even let you have a
taste of their warm chocolate croissants." So they headed to Joe's.

After eating a delicious breakfast, with most of the chocolate from
the croissant ending up all over Alex's mouth and little hands, mother
and son once again joined the throng of people and decided to just
walk around until they saw something that interested them. Finally
stopping at a park, Olivia parked the stroller on the grass and spread
out a blanket. She put Alex on it and let him crawl around after
being in his stroller for most of the morning. He crawled over to his
mama, and while holding onto her for safety, he stood up. He looked
as if he wanted to let go and walk on his own. Olivia just sat there
and wondered at her son's next move. She was holding her digi-cam
just in case he took his first steps so she wouldn't miss it. Alex
let go of his mama's shoulder and took a hesitant step, but fell. A
few unsuccessful attempts later, he finally gave up and snuggled into
his mama's chest. When he did this, it was to let his mama know he
was ready for his afternoon nap.

While holding her sleeping baby close, Olivia couldn't believe Alex
was a week and half shy from turning one already. It didn't matter to
her whether he talked or walked first, but it seemed like talking was
going to win out, just as long as he was healthy and had all the love
in the world. She started reminiscing about the last 3 years of her
life, beginning with the woman her son was named after. Alex Cabot.
Her Alex Cabot. Not a day went by that Olivia regretted not ever
telling the former A.D.A. how she truly felt about her. Complacency,
believing that she had all the time in the world to tell the beautiful
attorney about being in love with her, really nipped her in the ass
now. But it was too late. Cabot was shot by one of Velez's men and
got hauled off to Witness Protection, probably never to be heard or
seen again. With that thought, Olivia held her son closer, feeling
the comfort he provided. "You are now the most important thing in my
life." She said to the sleeping form. "It's just you and me, buddy.
I love you so much. I just hope I'm doing right by you."

The rest of the day was spent just hanging out and enjoying the
not-quite-spring-yet weather. As usual, people stopped Olivia on the
street, commenting on how cute Alex was and how beautiful his eyes
were. His mother loved them herself because every time she looked
into his eyes, she'd have a pleasant memory of her other Alex. That
was one of the reasons she chose a donor that had Alex's features – so
she would always have a constant reminder of her A.D.A.

It was nearly 5:30 in the afternoon when they got home. Olivia put
Alex in his play pen while she started dinner. She knew how much he
liked her four-cheese ravioli with Prego sauce, so she decided to go
with that. When dinner was ready, she placed him in his high chair
and tried to feed him. Alex wouldn't have any of that. Each time his
mother put a spoon to his mouth, he would clamp up, and turn his head
to the side. He turned around to face his mama and opened his mouth
to say something, and that's when Olivia saw her chance and put the
spoon in. Immediately, Alex spit it out. 'Come on Benson. You're one
of New York's finest for God's sakes and he's just a baby. You can do
it,' Olivia thought. "Alexander Benson, I'm your mother and you are
going to eat your dinner right now. Open up." After a frustrating
twenty minutes, Olivia gave up and let her son feed himself. She was
going to give him his bath anyway, so it didn't really matter that he
was going to be covered in sauce by the time he was finished. But
cleaning up after him was going to be a pain.

Making sure the bath water was perfect, Olivia went back into the
living room to pick up her son for his bath. Pulling off today's
soiled clothing, she said, "Come on champ, it's time to wash Monday's
grime off of you." As she was headed to the bathroom with a wiggling
diaper clad Alex in her arms, there was a knock at the door. She
wondered who it could have been since she wasn't expecting any
visitors tonight. She looked through the peep hole, and saw a figure
she wasn't all too excited to see.

Opening up the door, she greeted her visitor. "Agent Hammond, what
can I do for you?"

"I have a delivery for you," the man said.

"Now?"

"Let's just say, your package couldn't wait to be delivered until
tomorrow."

"Ok, so where is it?"

The man hesitantly stepped aside to reveal the one person Olivia
Benson thought she'd never see again for the rest of her life. Alex
Cabot.

 

3 Days ago…

"MMM, Olivia, yes…right there…mmm…" the woman moaned in her sleep.
Right when she was about to climax, Alex Cabot awoke with a start
because of an incessant banging on the front door of her small house.
"Fuck!" she cursed in frustration. She looked at the clock on her
bedside table to discover that was only 7AM. She didn't have to be at
the library where she worked until 10 on Fridays, so she planned on
sleeping in for another good hour before starting her day. Grabbing
her glasses, she went to the bathroom to brush really quickly and made
sure she looked somewhat presentable this early in the morning. But
before heading for the door, she did her morning ritual. She looked
at herself in the mirror and said, "I am Alex Cabot. I am Alex Cabot.
I. Am. Alex. Cabot."

Being moved 6 times in the past 3 years with 6 different identities
was taking a toll on Alex's psyche. Memorizing the background stories
of 6 different women and pretending to be them was getting harder and
harder. Reminding herself everyday of who she really was, was
something she needed to do for survival – to keep her sane in this
crazy world she was now living in. This time she was living in a
small city in California. Her new name was Elizabeth Jenson. Every
morning, she grumbled at the fact that she didn't even look like an
Elizabeth. She often wondered who picked out her names. Was the
government trying to punish her even more by assigning horrible names?
At least her job this time wasn't so bad. She worked both at the
circulation and information desks at the local library. In a way, she
was still helping people. Her favorite part of the job was story
time. Every afternoon from 1 to 3, kids ranging in ages from 4-6
would gather around in the children's section of the library to have
story time with Miss Elizabeth (as they liked to call her). Alex
loved the way the kids would hang onto her every word, listening
intently to her soothing voice. `This is a whole lot better than
talking to juries,' she often thought. The kids especially loved it
when Alex would do different voices for the different characters from
the stories she read. She was making a difference in those kids'
lives, and they were doing the same in return.

The banging on the door grew more incessant. "I'm coming! Geez,
can't you wait a few more seconds?!" Looking through the peephole,
she saw the one figure she hoped she wouldn't see for quite sometime.
She opened her door and greeted her impatient visitor. "Good morning
Agent Hammond. Are you hauling me off again to God knows where? Are
you giving me another identity? Do I have to memorize another past,
get used to another city, another place to live? What? Why are you
here?" The agent could hear the coldness in her voice, and couldn't
help feeling just a tad bit guilty at what had happened to this woman.
This morning though, he would be the bearer of good news.

"No to all of the above. Actually, I am pleased to inform you Ms.
Cabot that you are no longer in danger. Velez and his cartel were
wiped clean by a rival cartel a week ago. We didn't tell you earlier
because we wanted to make sure you were really out of danger. You are
now free to do whatever you want, go wherever you want. You can even
go back to New York or stay here. I know you enjoy working at the
library. The decision is all yours. Let me know what you want to do.
You know where to reach me. And again, congratulations."

Alex was stunned. All she could do was nod and show the agent out.
Closing the door with her back to it, so many thoughts and emotions
were running through her head. `I could go home. I could go back to
New York, back to my family and friends. I could go back to her.
Back to Olivia.' She called the library to tell them she wouldn't be
in today and next week because of a family emergency. She sat on her
couch to process what Agent Hammond had just told her. This was the
news she had been waiting for and now she got it. Alex was beside
herself. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry or shout for joy.
So she just sat.

She thought about everything that had happened to her these past 3
years. `Damn Velez!' she cursed for the millionth time. It was his
fault she was going through this. He took her away from everything
she knew and loved, especially from the one person that really
mattered to her – the one person who would always have her heart and
soul. Determined, she thought, `I am going back. I am going to
reclaim everything that monster had taken away from me. I am going to
be Alex Cabot again.' The decision wasn't that difficult. Sure, she
loved where she was at now. She enjoyed working at the library and
reading to the kids. But Alex knew she had to follow her heart and
her heart was living back in New York.

Monday morning arrived. Alex spent the weekend gathering the things
she wanted to take with her and saying goodbye to the very few friends
she'd made while living in California. She was excited to be going
home finally and seeing her friends and a few family members. But at
the same time, she was scared out of her mind. Life didn't stop in
New York the day she `died,' and didn't know what to expect. Now she
was sitting in a black Chevy Suburban, similar to the one that had
taken her away a few years before, driving through the streets of the
city late in the afternoon. She just wanted to drive around for a
while to get reacquainted with the city she left behind. Opening her
window, she didn't know how much she missed smelling the diesel
exhaust of all the vehicles in the street. She even made the driver
stop by a street vendor so she could grab a hot dog and pretzel. The
old Alex Cabot would never have done such a thing, but being in
Witness Protection taught her that she had to snatch every opportunity
that came her way, to never take anything for granted ever again, and
just live in the moment. So if she craved a hot dog, she would get one.

The first stop she wanted to make was to the 1-6 precinct. She told
herself it was because she was anxious to see the squad and missed
them. That was partly true, but the real reason was to see Olivia.
On the plane ride to New York, she told herself that as soon as she
saw Olivia, she would finally open up and tell the detective how she
felt, how much loved and missed her. After surviving a hit issued out
by a powerful drug-lord and then the ordeal of being in Witness
Protection, she was tired of being afraid all time. Her life had been
on hold long enough. She was no longer fearful of people's opinions
on whom she loved or losing her job because of her sexuality. For one
thing, she didn't have a job to lose and she just didn't give a damn
anymore about ignorant assholes stopping her from being happy.

When she walked into the precinct, she was greeted by a smiling
Captain Cragen, who had been earlier informed of the whole situation.
"Welcome home, Counselor!" the man exclaimed. Alex smiled and took
in her surroundings. It was the same by all accounts, but felt
different somehow. She didn't see Elliot or Olivia, but she did get a
kick out of the surprised look on John Munch's face, which eventually
turned into a grin. "Well, the dead has risen! Welcome Cabot. I
knew your death was a hoax! Another thing to add to my conspiracy
list. So, care to tell us where the government hid you away? Any
government secrets you might have learned? Were you a spy?" Alex had
to laugh at that. He was the same Munch as before and just had to hug
the man. Next came a smiling Fin. "Hey Alex, long time no see. But
I'm glad your back," he said as he engulfed the blond in a tight hug.

Pulling away she asked, "Where's Elliot and Olivia?"

"Elliot's out talking to a witness and Liv's on vacation," Munch
responded.

"Liv's on vacation?" the dumbfounded former attorney asked. Olivia
hardly ever took a vacation. She couldn't even remember Olivia taking
one. She was so dedicated to her job, which was one of the reasons
Alex fell in love with her in the first place. Walking over the
Olivia's desk, she noticed a photo of the woman she loved holding a
baby. He was an adorable baby with light brown hair and bright blue
eyes, not to mention the cutest smile she'd ever seen. Alex didn't
know who he was and just assumed it was another child Olivia had
rescued. She didn't think too much of it as she made small
conversation with the guys. She finally asked, "So, when is Liv
coming back? I was hoping to catch her today."

"Well she's just at home actually. She took the week off," Cragen said.

After a few more minutes of idle chatter and reassuring Munch that
getting shot and being stashed away by the marshals was not a
government conspiracy to shut her up, Alex decided to head over to
Olivia's. On the way there, Agent Hammond asked her if she was sure
she wanted to see Olivia now. He told her she might want to wait
until tomorrow, maybe after she's had a good night's rest. He was
sure she hadn't slept much in the last couple days since telling her
the good news. But the agent also knew how stubborn his charge could
be. So off they went to see the detective.

Alex was finally going to get to see her Olivia. She had waited so
long for this and in a few minutes she would be seeing the woman who
had her heart. `Oh my gosh,' she thought, `I'm going to see Olivia!'
Was she prepared to see the love of her life? She didn't really have
a game plan. In all her excitement, she didn't bother to formulate
one. Her mind and heart were set on reuniting with the detective.
`Oh Christ, Cabot!' she scolded herself. It was too late to think of
a plan of action now, because the next thing she knew, she and Agent
Hammond were standing in front of Olivia Benson's door knocking.

Alex decided to stand behind the tall Agent to compose herself so she
wouldn't look like a bumbling idiot in front of the other woman. She
straightened her glasses, ran her fingers through her hair, and
smoothed down her shirt and jeans. `Won't Liv be surprised that I've
taken to wearing jeans and t-shirts,' the woman thought. Well here
goes nothing.

The door opened.

"Agent Hammond, what can I do for you?" the detective said.

"I have a delivery for you," the stoic agent said.

"Now?"

"Let's just say, your package couldn't wait to be delivered until
tomorrow."

"Ok, so where is it?"

Agent Hammond stepped aside to reveal Alex Cabot.

 

Time stopped as both women came face to face after 3 years of waiting.

`I'm dreaming. There's no way Alex Cabot is standing at my door. No
way. I'm going to wake up any minute now and go fix breakfast for me
and little Alex. But it's her alright. My heart knows it her. And
damn, she still looks gorgeous. Are those jeans? Alex doesn't wear
jeans. When did she start wearing those?'

`It's Olivia. My Liv. She's still as beautiful as the last time I
saw her. She still has that killer body, the body I've been dreaming
about all these nights. Her hair is a little longer, but it's still
nice. Just being in her presence still makes my heart beat faster.
And she's so sexy in her low rise jeans and black wife-beater holding
a baby. Wait, what?! She's holding a baby! The same baby I saw in
the picture on her desk. What's going on?'

"Hey Liv," Alex said tentatively. She didn't know what else to say.
Here was the woman she loved standing before her holding a diaper clad
baby. Part of her wanted to run away and chastise herself for
thinking Olivia would wait for her to come back so they could live
happily ever after. But another part of her wanted to stay and the
get the whole story from Olivia. She came all this way to see the
woman she loved; she couldn't just turn and run away now. So many
thoughts and scenarios were racing through her head. `Was Liv
married? Is that why she had a child? Wait, there's no ring on her
finger. Ok, that's a good sign. Maybe she was just babysitting
someone else's kid? Wake up Cabot! That kid looks like Olivia!'

"Mama!" baby Alex said out loud to break the silence. Both women
broke eye contact to look down at the little boy balanced on Olivia's
hip. `Well that answers one question,' Alex thought.

Olivia finally found her voice after standing there in awe at the
woman she thought she'd never see again. "Alex, please come in. I,
um, wow, this is so unexpected. Agent Hammond, what happened?"

"Sorry Detective Benson, I can't stay. I have some other urgent
business I have to take care of. Ms. Cabot can fill you in. Um, it
looks like my job here is done. If there's anything you need Ms.
Cabot, please don't hesitate to call." And with that, the agent left
the two women alone.

Alex walked into Olivia's apartment hesitantly. She took in the
apartment before her. It smelled like home – it smelled like Liv.
She had been to Olivia's place before, maybe once or twice. Now the
apartment was different, just like everything else in her life now.
There were toys scattered everywhere. A high chair was sitting in the
kitchen. And on the coat rack hung a baby's windbreaker. She
followed Olivia to the living room, where she noticed some children's
books on the coffee table and a baby sized NYPD hooded sweatshirt
hanging off the back of the sofa. But most importantly, she noticed
Olivia sitting on the other end of the sofa holding one of the most
beautiful babies she had ever seen. He was so adorable just dressed
in a diaper holding onto his mother.

Olivia was the first to speak. "How are you? What happened? Are you
really safe now? Are you back for good? How long have you been back
in New York? Where did they put you? I'm sorry I'm babbling. It's
just, I don't know what to say. But I'm glad your back. You don't
know how much…"

"Whoa, slow down there Liv. Take a deep breath. That's it, breathe.
I'm not going anywhere anymore. I'm happy to say that I'm back for
good. From what Hammond told me, Velez and his crew were wiped out by
a rival cartel a week or so ago. And don't worry, the feds made sure
it was really safe before they let me come home. I flew in from
California this morning. So here I am."

Once again, there was silence. Both women took in each other's
presence, getting used to having the other one there after being apart
for a few years. They didn't know what to say, yet there was so much
they had yet to say to each other. Again, baby Alex was the one to
break the tension that was building when he wiggled out of his
mother's arms and made his way over toward his namesake. Olivia
quickly put her leg up on the edge of the sofa just in case her son
got too close.

When he finally reached Alex, he immediately nestled himself into her
lap and started playing with her watch. She couldn't explain it, but
it felt so comfortable to have the baby there sitting with her. Alex
didn't have too much experience with babies, just her cousins' kids.
But after working at the library and spending time with the
pre-schoolers she read to, she grew to love them and even thought
about having a child someday. She played with his tiny feet, thinking
how cute he was. His head was right under her nose and she could
smell pasta sauce from his dinner.

Olivia couldn't stop staring at the vision before her. The love of
her life was sitting at the other end of her sofa, looking more
beautiful than ever in those glasses of justice, playing with her son.
She didn't even know whether Alex liked kids or not, but she got her
answer as she watched their interaction. Alex was so at ease with the
boy, talking to him and playing with him. Watching them together only
made her love the blonde even more.

"Hi baby, what's your name?"

"Alex."

"Yeah?" the former A.D.A. looked up expectantly at Olivia.

"No, his name is Alex. Alexander James Benson," Olivia said looking
straight into the blonde's blue eyes.

The blond was losing count as to how many times Olivia had surprised
her since meeting up this evening. First she discovered her tough cop
was now a mother to a small child, and this said child bared her name.
Alex simply nodded and went back to the little tyke sitting in her lap.

"Alex, huh. Well it's nice to meet you Alex Benson," she cooed as she
shook his small hand, "My name's Alex too."

"He's my little Alex," Olivia added gazing lovingly at her son.

Throwing caution to the wind, Alex grinned at Olivia when she said,
"Can I be your big Alex then?"

"You've always been my big Alex," Olivia answered returning the other
woman's gaze. With that simple response, it seemed like an
understanding had just occurred between the two. "Oh, I was just
about to give him his bath when you came over. I still need to give
it to him before he goes to sleep. Can you keep an eye on him for
just a second while I check to see if his bathwater is still warm?"

"Yeah, sure, I'd love to."

Getting up, Olivia made the short trip to the bathroom. She needed to
give her son his bath, but she also needed some space to be alone to
gather her wits. She dipped her hand into the tub to find that the
water had indeed cooled down. She turned on the faucet to add more
hot water to it so her son wouldn't get cold. While the tub was
filling up a little, she looked at herself in the mirror and thought,
`Liv, you've been given a second chance with this woman. Don't waste
it. You know she feels the same way you do. Come on Benson, you have
to tell her how you feel. Don't be afraid anymore.'

As Olivia made her way out to retrieve her son, she stopped where she
stood and took in the sight of the love her life holding her baby by
the window and talking to him like a little adult. "Isn't the city
beautiful at night? Look at all those pretty bright lights. You
know, with your good looks and my help, this could all be yours
someday. If you ever want to be lawyer when you grow up, come talk to
me and we could start our own firm. We could call it The Law Offices
of Alex & Alex. How would you like that?"

The little boy just giggled and clapped his hands as if he completely
understood what Alex was saying to him.

"I knew you would."

"Before you two continue your plans to take over the world, this
little man right here has to take his bath." Olivia took little Alex
from the other woman.

"Liv, maybe I should go. It's getting a little late and I know you
still have to put him to bed and maybe have some other things to do.
I can give you my contact info and maybe we could meet up for brunch
tomorrow and talk some more…"

"No! Please don't go. We'll be right out in 30 minutes. Please, I
want you to stay, if you want to." Olivia knew she sounded a little
desperate, but she couldn't let the woman she loved walk out now
before talking to her.

Alex could sense the pleading tone in the detective's voice and
acquiesced. She smiled and said, "I want to stay."

As promised, baby Alex was bathed and ready for bed in 30 minutes
flat. When Olivia came back out into the living room, she found Alex
reading the Times with her feet propped up on the coffee table. She
went into the kitchen to heat up one of her son's bottles. Making her
way back to where Alex was, she sat herself and the baby down next to
the other woman.

"Hmmm, someone smells good," Alex remarked as took one of the baby's
hands. "Ready to go to sleep?"

"Um, do you want to help me put him to bed?"

"Oh Liv, I don't know. I don't want to infringe on your time with
him. You're his mother."

Shyly lacing her fingers with the woman sitting next to her, Olivia
said, "But I want you to," and smiled at her warmly.

Alex could never say no to Olivia every time she smiled at her like
that, not in the past and certainly not now.

Turning down the lights but making sure to leave sufficient lighting
to be able to read, Olivia settled in at the corner of the sofa with
baby Alex settled in her arms drinking his milk. Alex sat next to Liv
and propped the detective's legs over her lap so she could be as close
to the other woman and the baby as possible. Grabbing Beatrix
Potter's Peter Rabbit off the coffee table, Alex began to read.

By the time Alex got to the end of the book, her namesake was out like
a light in his mother's arms.

"I'll be right back. I'm going to put him down in his crib. And then
we can talk."

As Alex waited for Olivia to get back, the butterflies in her stomach
returned. Her basic plan was to see Olivia and reveal her feelings.
But now that baby Alex was in the picture, her original plan had to be
modified. She knew that whatever decision she made regarding Olivia
Benson would have a direct effect on the little boy sleeping down the
hall. `I don't know what to do anymore. So many things have changed.
I've changed, Liv's changed. I had convinced myself that I could
have this happy ending I'd fantasized about for so long. Now, I'm not
so sure. It looks like Olivia is pretty settled. Would she even want
to start anything with me beyond friendship? Are these signals I've
been getting from her real, or am I just seeing what I want to see
because I love her so much. I'm afraid of disrupting her life,
Alex's life. I don't know how I convinced myself that I could just
waltz in here, tell Olivia I want to be with her forever, and live
happily ever after. Hell, it happens in the movies. But this isn't a
movie, Cabot. A lot's at stake here. Come on, it's decision time,
counselor.'

In the baby's room, Olivia was also having a conversation with herself
as she gazed down at her sleeping son in his crib. `Sitting outside is
the woman who can still make my heart flutter. I want her so much – I
want to be with her for the rest of my life. Fate's been so kind in
giving us another chance to finally admit our feelings to each other.
But do I want to take that chance? It's not just me who's going to
be affected by whatever decision I make concerning Alex Cabot. I have
to think of my son first, because he's the most important person in my
life now. And of course Alex. Would she even consider being with me,
a single mother who works sex crimes? Well, judging from the signals
I got tonight, there might be a possibility. But is it just because
that's what I want to see? It's decision time, Benson.'

"Hey, you ok? You look a little pensive. Do you feel ok?" Olivia
inquired as she looked at the woman sitting in her living room with
concern.

"Yeah, I'm just thinking about some stuff. Did you get him down ok?"

"Uh huh, he fussed a little when I was laying him down, but he always
does that. But as soon as his head hit his little pillow, he went
back to sleep. Are you hungry? Or thirsty? I could make us some hot
chocolate."

"When did you start drinking hot chocolate? As I recall, you used to
chug down coffee like it was water."

"Well after I decided to have a baby, I changed my diet and started
living healthier to get my body ready for pregnancy. At first, I
missed the caffeine, but after a while, I learned to live without it.
Now it's just tea, juice, water, or hot chocolate. Come on Cabot,
I'll even throw in extra marshmallows for you. And some whip cream
because I like you. You can't say no to that?"

"You had me with the extra marshmallows," the grinning blond responded.

"Great, and then we'll talk."

Settling down their hot mugs, both women didn't know what would come
out of their conversation tonight. However, they did know that they
really needed to talk. Olivia started off by asking about Alex's life
in California and Witness Protection.

"I was a librarian. And don't you dare make a joke about me looking
like one because of the glasses! It wasn't so bad – it was a quiet
and I could spend my workday being surrounded by books. But my
biggest pet peeve about the job was dealing with those pricks who
returned books way past their due date. Seriously, is it too hard to
return a book on time?! My favorite part was reading to the little
kids who came into the library every afternoon. I loved hearing their
reactions to the stories I'd read. Their laughter at the funny
stories, and sometimes their gasps when something surprising happened,
was like music to my ears. It was almost the one thing I ever had in
the entire 3 years in was Witness Protection that I looked forward to.
Being around these kids and talking to them on a daily basis about
the most trivial subjects like my favorite ice cream flavor or
favorite candy helped me get through my loneliness sometimes. It's
the only thing I'll miss. Everything else was just…Let's just say
that I can't find the words to express how much I missed home."

The detective had slight smile on her face listening to Alex talk
about her experience with the kids. She was so different from the
woman she was 3 years ago, but that didn't mean she loved her any
less. Olivia wanted to take the pain away from this woman – she
wanted to take every ounce of loneliness and sadness this woman had
been living with these past few years. Her motherly instincts wanted
to wrap her arms protectively around this woman and reassure her that
everything would be ok. Instead she moved closer to her and held her
hand as a comforting gesture while encouraging her to continue.

"The nights were the worst. Sometimes I'd sit at the kitchen table
getting mad at myself for the decisions I'd made that got me there.
If only I had backed off and hadn't been so stubborn, then perhaps
Agent Donovan wouldn't have been killed and I wouldn't have been sent
off into hiding. On my darkest days like my birthday and holidays,
I'd wish one of Velez's hit-men would find me and put me out of my
misery. I didn't know what being alone meant until I'd lie in bed at
night and all I would hear was my own breathing. I would turn over
only to find empty space. My life before California was just this big
fucking empty space. It got better when I was moved to the West
Coast, mostly because of my job. But I was still alone."

By now, both women were hugging each other tightly letting their tears
fall together freely. Curious to figure out how Alex kept it together
for so long, Olivia asker her.

Alex was a little hesitant to respond because if she told Olivia the
truth, she was afraid the other woman would either freak out or turn
away. On the one hand, she felt she owed it to the detective to tell
her the truth. She didn't come all this way to chicken out now.

Looking directly into soulful brown eyes, Alex simply said, "You."
When the detective didn't say anything at first, the former A.D.A.
took that as a sign to keep going. "Just thinking about you would
brighten up my day and give me hope that I would one day come home, to
you. Every time I saw someone wearing a black leather jacket similar
to yours, I'd always take a second look at the person to see if it was
you. Every time I closed my eyes at night, it was your face I saw in
my dreams. I'd hug myself and imagine it was your arms around me,
holding me. And when I got shot, I remembered that you called me
sweetheart when you were trying to stop the bleeding. At the most
random times, I'd hear your voice in my head calling me sweetheart.
When that happened, I'd get a small source of comfort knowing that
someone out there, someone that I care for deeply, also cared for me
in return. I know this must be too much for you to take in right now.
I'm sorry if I said too much. I just…I just wanted you to know. I
kept telling myself over and over when I was away that when I saw you
again, I would finally tell you. Liv, please say something.
Anything, please."

"Wow. I, um, wow." Olivia opened her mouth and shut it again. Here
was Alex Cabot telling her that she was the one that kept the blonde
going and giving her hope throughout her entire horrible experience.
A grin started to form across her face. `Alex thought about me at
night, in her bed. Way to go Benson!' She had to say something to
lighten the mood a little because the blonde looked like she was going
to cry if she didn't answer soon. "So, you thought about me at night,
eh?"

In the little light they had in the room, Olivia could swear she saw
Alex blushing at her comment. "I thought about you all time too, you
know."

"Really?"

Noting the surprised tone in the counselor's voice, Olivia got the
courage she needed from Alex's confession to make her own. "Yeah.
Sometimes I'd be doing paperwork at the station, and I'd start to
wonder where you were, what you were doing, were you eating three
meals a day, were you safe, were you making new friends and possibly
dating someone. Well, not so much the dating someone until recently,
but come on Alex, you're the most beautiful woman I'd ever known."
Again, she saw the blonde woman blush. "I can't even tell you how
many nights I wished you were here with me. Sometimes I'd be walking
down the street and every blonde woman in a suit I'd see, I would
think it was you. I had to stop myself a few times from hugging some
random woman. Each time the squad room doors opened, I would cross my
fingers hoping it would be you. But when I saw Casey, well, first I'd
cringe because that woman has the tendency to get dressed in the dark;
but when that passed, I would feel this sense of sadness in the pit of
my stomach. Don't laugh ok, but the first few months you were gone, I
would walk by your old office at the DA's and pray so hard that you'd
be there. I didn't know how much you meant to me until you were gone.
I know that sounds like a cliché, but it's true. The guys tried to
get me over my funk, but they also knew you would never be someone I
could get over so easily. Yes, Cabot, they knew I had a thing for you
back then. I still do. You should've heard all the teasing I got
from them once they found out."

The two women were so engrossed in their conversation that they didn't
notice they had gotten into an awkward, but quite comfortable
position, where Olivia was stretched out on the couch with Alex lying
halfway on her with her head resting on the detective's chest. They
lapsed into a comfortable silence, holding each other, and letting
their confessions sink in. A little while later, Olivia noticed that
Alex had fallen asleep on her. When she shifted a little to move her
leg, she accidentally woke the other woman up.

"Sorry sweetie, go back to sleep."

"Oh my gosh, I'm sorry Liv…I didn't realize how tired I was."

"Don't worry about. I like watching you sleep. When Alex was a
newborn, the only way he'd fall asleep was if he slept on my chest.
He'd nuzzle his little head right where your head is right now to get
comfortable and then he'd be out. You did that too right before you
fell asleep. It's kind of cute actually."

"Liiiiiv…" Alex whined, "By the way, what time is it?"

"Almost midnight."

Getting up abruptly, the former A.D.A. said, "I should get going then
and let you get some sleep. I'm sorry. I'll call a cab and be one my
way back to the Plaza."
"Alex, you don't have to. I know my place isn't as posh as the Plaza,
but I really don't want you to go. Please stay here for the night."

"Liv, I don't want to put you out. I've already taken too much of
your time. And I know you should've been in bed, asleep by now. I
don't want you to go to any trouble on my account."

Olivia turned to face Alex. She took a step toward the former
attorney and pulled the other woman to her gently by the waist so that
their bodies were touching. Leaning in to rest her forehead against
the blonde's, the detective quietly said, "I'm afraid to let you walk
out that door. I let you refuse me before when I offered you stay at
my place, remember. But this time, I'm not taking no for an answer
counselor. This may sound corny, but I want to fall asleep with you.
I want your face to be the one I see before I close my eyes tonight.
And tomorrow, I want to wake up to find you sleeping next to me.
I've wanted this for so long, Alex. I just want to make sure I'm not
dreaming."

"Awww, you're getting mushy on me detective. I knew you were a big
romantic under that tough cop exterior. Well, if you insist that
it'll be no trouble, then, I guess I can spend the night with you."

After finding Alex a pair of sweats and t-shirt to sleep in, the two
women took their turns in the bathroom to clean up before going to
bed. Once settled under the covers, with Alex using Olivia's shoulder
as a pillow and putting her arm across the detective's stomach, the
two women took the time to just enjoy the moment.

"Hey Liv…"

"Hmm…" the brunette responded sleepily.

"Can you tell me about Alex tomorrow? I'd really like to get to know
my mini-me."

"You're silly when you're tired, you know that. But yeah, I will.
You deserve to know. I'll tell you all about him tomorrow, ok.
G'nite sweetheart."

"Good night. And Liv, I'm not just saying this because I'm in bed
with you, but I love you."

Kissing the top of the blonde's head, Olivia responded, "I love you too."

That night, the two women slept better than they had ever slept
before, home in each other's arms.

 

 

Alex Cabot woke up to find the bed empty. She felt around and only
found coldness. Her heart started pounding and panic set in. She was
afraid to open her eyes to find that everything that had happened in
the last 24 hours was just a dream. What if she opened them only to
discover that she was back in her bedroom in California, alone. She
didn't know if her heart could take it if that were the reality she
was to face. She shut her eyes tight and began to pray to any deity
in the universe. She prayed that she was really back in New York,
back to being Alex Cabot, and back to Olivia and baby Alex.

She finally opened her eyes. A wave of relief came over her when she
looked over at the bedside table and found a picture of a smiling Alex
Benson with a post-it attached to it that said, "Back in 20. Getting
breakfast. Check on Alex for me – he should still be asleep by the
time I get back. Liv." She looked at the clock. It was 8:30 in the
morning. `That was the best night's sleep I've ever had. I was in
bed in with Liv and sleeping in her arms. I could get used to that.'
Swinging her legs to the edge of the bed, Alex found her glasses and
made her way to the bathroom to brush. Seeing her reflection in the
mirror, she couldn't help but grin. `You're Alex again.'

Walking into the baby's room, she was surprised to find little Alex
sitting up in his crib. "Hey there mini-me. You up already? Your
mama went to get breakfast. Don't worry, she'll be back soon."
Seeing his chance to escape, baby Alex held up his little arms as if
to say, `Pick me up now!' "You want out? Ok come on, let's go wait
for your mama in the living room." Picking him up, she discovered he
needed a diaper change. The former attorney had only changed maybe
one or two diapers in her life, and that was years ago. `Come on
Cabot, you can do this. You've put New York's scum behind bars and
went up against a Columbian drug cartel, surely you can change a
simply diaper.' Two discarded diapers and a personal wake up call
later, she finally got the baby changed.

Walking towards the living room, Alex heard a knock at the door. `Who
could that be? Liv should have her keys with her.' When she looked
through the peephole, she a saw a concerned Elliot Stabler standing in
front of the door impatiently. She couldn't wait to see his face when
she opened the door. So she did.

The two individuals stared at each other for a minute before Elliot spoke.

"You're not the babysitter," the detective deadpanned with a slow
smile creeping over his face.

"Well good morning to you too, Detective Stabler," the former attorney
said while balancing little Alex on her hip. The next thing she knew,
she was being engulfed in a huge hug from the man.

"Welcome back. I just wanted to confirm those rumors about a certain
ADA reappearing in the city," Elliot said as he was pulling away and
shutting the door to the apartment.

"How did you know I was here?"

"Where else would you be? Come on Counselor. You two ain't fooling
nobody. Besides, you're wearing Liv's clothes and I just won $40!"

Trying to sound indignant, but failing miserably, the blonde
responded, "I can't believe you! You guys placed bets us?!" Softening
up and noticing that baby Alex was silent throughout the entire
exchange and quietly watching the adults talk, she continued, "Are we
that predictable?"

Nodding happily, he said to Alex Jr., "Hey there little man! You
doing ok? Sorry if the grownups weren't talking to you. We know
you're there. We just miss talking to each other." Holding out his
arms he continued, "You wanna come to Uncle Elliot?"

Little Alex stared at him then looked up at his namesake. He shook
his head no and held on tighter to the blonde.

All Elliot could do was laugh at the baby's actions. "Like mother
like son. I see you two became fast friends. Hey, where's Liv?"
noticing the absence of his partner.

Beaming, Alex said, "She went out to get breakfast. She should be
back any minute now. Come and sit. Let's catch up. How's everything
going? How's Kathy and the kids?"

"They're great. Maureen's got a new boyfriend. I'm going to do a
background check on the guy when I get to the station. Kathleen's
busy being a teenager, hence me losing more hair. And the twins,
well, I'm glad they aren't teenagers yet. Kathy and I are still
dealing with the two older ones. How are you doing?"

"As of right now, I'm doing great. I'm so glad to be home. You can't
even imagine how much. I'm just really happy right now. I just wish
Liv would get home soon. I think Alex might be getting hungry."

As if on cue, Olivia came through the door holding hot drinks in a
trey, a bag of some pastries and bagels, and the Times under her left
arm. "Hey guys!" Seeing his mother, Alex tried to wiggle himself
free from the blonde's grasp so he could crawl over to her. Good
thing Olivia managed to put all the things she was holding down on the
kitchen table because the instant she dropped off her last item, she
felt a tug on her leg and found her little boy holding up his arms for
her to pick him up.

Holding him close she said, "Hey baby. Did you miss me? Are you
playing with Uncle Elliot and big Alex?" She made her way over to the
other two sitting in her living room. "El, what are you doing here?"

"Yes Elliot and while your at it, why don't you tell her about the bet
you guys at the station made," the blonde interjected as Olivia sat
down by her.

"What bet?" the brunette asked.

Grinning sheepishly, Elliot responded, "I was just checking on you
guys, make sure everything was ok. By the looks of things, it seems
you guys are doing more than ok." This comment caused the two women
to blush, which indeed reaffirmed his suspicions about them. "And the
bet, well, I can explain. You see, when I got back yesterday, the
guys filled me in about Alex coming back. Don't take this the wrong
way, but we all knew how you two felt about each other before this
whole thing happened. We were just waiting for you guys to do
something about it. So yesterday, we started a pool to see how long
it would take the both of you to finally admit you like each other."
With pride he said, "I won. I said right away. Fin said he'd give it
a week tops. Munch said never because you guys were too stubborn.
Cap didn't want to put money in. Said something about minding our
business."

"Geez Elliot!" Olivia exclaimed at her partner's childish behavior.

"Liv, calm down, it was just a silly bet. Look at this way, at least
we don't have to come out to them and we already know we have their
support, right. Besides, we'll just make Elliot spend his winnings on
us. We'll make him buy us dinner or something. Isn't that right,
Det. Stabler?" the former attorney said as she gave Elliot one of her
meanest courtroom glares.

"Of course counselor," the detective said as he got up to get ready to
leave. "Since it looks like everything here is in order, I should get
going then before my partner shoots me. Bye Alex and, um, Alex.
Yeah, so Liv, I'll see you next Monday bright and early." As he was
heading out the door, Elliot couldn't resist and said, "And to make
sure everything is good between us, I'll even volunteer to watch the
baby when you two go on your first official date." If he hadn't
closed the door fast enough, he would've been hit by one of Alex's
stuffed toys.

"You know, he's right. We haven't been on a date yet," the blonde
ventured. "We could, um, go on one."

"Why Alex Cabot, are you asking me out on a date?" the brunette said
playfully.

"Yes I am." Straightening her posture and looking at the woman
sitting beside her, she said, "Olivia Benson, would you like to go out
on a date with me?"

"Yes, Ms. Cabot, I would love to. But before we start going over the
details, I believe it's time we have breakfast."

After clearing the table and picking up all the Cherios off the floor,
since baby Alex thought it was a good idea to throw part of his
breakfast everywhere, the trio made their way to the living room to
just hang out for the rest of the morning.

"Hey Lex, are you ready to hear about him? Why I named him after you
and everything?"

"I would like that very much," the blonde said as she held Olivia's hand.

"Well here goes," Olivia said as she began, "When the marshals took
you away, I felt like a big piece of me was gone. I had the guys, but
it just wasn't the same. That first year without you, I felt lost all
the time. I felt like the best thing that ever happened to me was
gone and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. I tried to date. But
it didn't work. I know this might sound weird, but even though you
and I didn't have any sort of relationship besides friendship before,
I felt like I was cheating on you each time I went out with someone.
So I stopped. One day, after a really hard case, I went to the park
to clear my head and get away for a little bit. I saw these little
kids playing, and a wave of sadness just came over me. I had wanted
kids, but the only person I had ever wanted to have them with was
gone. YOU were gone. After a while, it became easier. It didn't
hurt so much every time I thought about you. But deep down inside, I
still wanted to have a child. So I did. Elliot made me go see a
shrink first to make sure I was ok. By this time, I had gotten over
my issues about my genes and passing them on. I'm proud of the person
I've become and I know I have a killer smile that I needed to pass on.
It would be a crime not to."

Kissing the brunette gently, the blonde said, "I'm proud of you too.
And he does have your smile, Liv. I noticed it the first time I saw
him. I thought, `Yup, he's definitely yours.' He also has that
mischievous grin of yours. He showed it to me right before he decided
to imitate a little sprinkler system with his, um, lower parts."

Laughing really hard, the other woman said, "I'm so sorry. He did
that to me a few times when he was just a few months old. Next time,
try putting a baby wipe over him. It's one of the many joys of
raising a little boy. Anyway after I got the go ahead from my doctor,
I went in search of a donor. The guys even jokingly offered, but that
would've been almost incestuous. So I opted to go to a sperm bank
instead to get a random donor. After I had picked my top ten
candidates, I read over their files carefully to find the right one
and secretly hoped that none of these men was Trevor Langan. I'm
surprised I didn't notice this before, but as I was reading the files,
each one of the donor's physical features were quite similar to yours
– slim athletic build, blonde hair, and blue eyes. This may sound
crazy, but I wanted someone with your features so that in a way, I'd
always have a piece of you somehow, a little reminder of the love of
my life." As she said this, Olivia took Alex's hand and kissed her
knuckles before continuing. "And as for naming him Alex, well, that
was Munch's idea actually. When John held him for the first time in
the hospital a day or two after he was born, Alex peered at him
suspiciously with his blue eyes then let out this loud wail that
could've woken the dead. And John said, `With those baby blues and a
yell like that, it's like holding a little angry Alex Cabot after
asking her to get a warrant without enough evidence. Oh yes you are,
you look just like Cabot when she got really mad. Liv, I think you
should seriously consider naming this kid after her. He can't go on
being Baby Benson. The kids in the nursery were already giving him a
hard time for not having a name. Besides, he kind of looks like her
and I'm sure Cabot wouldn't mind you naming your first kid after her.'
So that's why I named him Alex, after you."

"God, I love you! I'm so honored. Thank you," the blonde sincerely
said as she smiled and wiped a few tears off her cheek. More tears
came to her eyes as baby Alex came to her and tried to climb into her
lap. Picking him up, she held him close and kissed his forehead. He
rested his head on her shoulder and held on tight as if he were
comforting her. Olivia didn't want to be left out of the group hug.
So she opened up her arms, and held the two loves of her life. For
the first time in a long time, the two women felt a sense of
completeness that they hadn't known before.

 

"Hey Liv! Have you seen my shirt?"

"I threw it in the hamper. Alex used it to wipe his mouth when he was
crawling in here. Just wear one of mine. I have some t-shirts in the
dresser. Grab one."

Alex looked into the dresser and found one of Olivia's vintage shirts
from her days at NYU. She felt good wearing one of her detective's
shirts. Laughing to herself quietly, she sniffed the shirt to
discover it smelled like the brunette. Yup, this was a shirt Alex
didn't plan on giving back. Walking to the bathroom, she found Olivia
staring at herself in the mirror. She walked up behind the detective
and wrapped her arms around the other woman's waist. "What's wrong?"

"I found a gray hair. Don't you see it? It's right there. I'm
getting old. And look at my body. It's not the same as it used to
be. My breasts aren't the same and I'm starting to get love handles,"
the detective said frowning as she stared at her reflection.

"You know what I see? I see the most beautiful woman I have ever laid
my eyes on," the blonde said as she kissed the other woman's neck. "I
see the woman who I fell in love with the first time she shook my hand
and said hello. I see the mother of a gorgeous baby boy, and I know
for a fact he loves you no matter what you look like." Slipping her
hands under her girlfiend's shirt, she moved her hands around the
brunette's midsection making circles, teasing the warm skin beneath
her fingertips. "Baby, these aren't love handles. I think you're
exaggerating. You're body is in great shape after having Alex. There
are many women who would kill for a body like yours." Moving her
hands higher, she cupped Olivia's breasts, feeling their softness and
the detective's clear arousal in the palm of her hands. "And these,
well, I think they're exquisite. You were pregnant and breastfed your
son, Liv, of course they're going to change." Looking directly into
the detective's eyes, Alex said, "Every part of you is beautiful.
Don't ever doubt that. And if you do, I'll just have to kick your ass
and tell you how beautiful you are. Now, stop this nonsense and kiss
me." The two women explored each other's mouth for a few minutes
before hearing little Alex wake up from his afternoon nap.

"Ok, I'll be back by dinner. I just need to pick up a change of
clothes at the hotel. You want me to bring back anything else?"

The detective thought for a moment before responding. "Actually,
there is. Why don't you just bring all your stuff here so you don't
have to keep going back and forth. My closet's pretty big so it won't
be a problem making room. And we'll find someplace to store your
luggage."

"I don't know Liv. I'd feel like I was intruding on your space, yours
and Alex's."

Pulling out the big guns, Olivia held up baby Alex in front of her
like a puppet, who was just wearing a shirt and diaper, and in her
best English accent said, "Oh please Alex, do come stay with me and
mummy. I've had a grand time with you these past few days and I would
hate for you to go away. Please stay, we'll be the best of friends.
And I promise to never rain on you ever again." Little Alex just
grinned and kept talking to the blonde in baby speak.

"That's low Benson, even for you. Using the baby like that," the
blonde said while trying to hide the laughter in her voice.

"Yeah, but did it work?"

The blonde just smiled at her girlfriend, shaking her head at the
brunette's antics. "Alright, I'll stay. I just want to make sure
it's ok with Alex." Turning to the baby, "Would it be ok with you if
I stayed here with you and your mama?"

In response, baby Alex clapped and held his arms out for the blonde to
take him. "I'll take that as yes. Well, I guess it's settled," the
former ADA said as she held the baby boy.

"See, I'm not the only one who wants you to stay." Now looking
seriously at the other woman, the brunette continued, "It's just that,
now that I have you back, I don't want to be without you ever again.
And when you told me about coming home to an empty house day after day
in Witness Protection, my heart broke. While you were telling me
about it, I made a silent promise to you and myself that I would never
let you come home to an empty house again. I don't want you to feel
alone, ever. Alex and I will always be here for you." To lighten the
mood, Olivia added with a huge grin, "And besides, I like sleeping
with you."

"You know it's bad enough I can't say no when you grin at me like
that. And this little man right here is learning it too. What am I
going to do with the both of you?" The blonde said in mock
exasperation.

Waggling her eyebrows, Olivia responded, "I know what you can do with
me later after his bedtime. But for now, go get your stuff. And
we'll meet back here in a couple hours or so. Didn't you say you also
had to stop at the DA's Office to meet with Branch and Donnelly to see
if you can get your job back? So you better get a move on."

"Alright, I'm going." Kissing the brunette one last time and then the
baby, Alex headed out.

*******************************************************************************
Around 6:30 that evening, Olivia heard a thump on her door along with
a few muffled expletives. `That must be Alex,' the detective thought.
Opening her door, she found her girlfriend surrounded by some very
expensive looking luggage. `Is that Swiss Army? Yup, that's Swiss
Army. There's my posh Alex.'

"Are you going to just stand there and stare or are you going to help
me out? Last time I checked, I only had two arms. Unless I sprouted
another one without me noticing, get over here and help."

"Ooo, I love it when you get bossy. Alright, I'm coming."

After the two finally got all of Alex's stuff into the apartment, the
blonde took a whiff of the apartment and immediately her stomach
growled in hunger. "Mmm, what smells so good?"

"Baked salmon with some lemon juice, salad, and some steamed
vegetables. And some mashed potatoes for Alex. The salmon should be
ready in a little bit. I cooked it last to make sure it would still
be hot when you got home. So why don't you put some of your stuff in
the bedroom and I'll call you when the food's ready."

When he saw big Alex, little Alex immediately wanted her to pick him
and take him out of his play pen. "Hey baby, you want to help me
unpack some stuff? I could use your help." Picking him, the blonde
pulled one piece of her luggage to the bedroom with the happy baby in tow.

A few minutes later, Olivia made her way to their bedroom to check on
her two Alexs and to let them know dinner was ready. She found her
girlfriend hanging up some blouses, but her son was nowhere to be
seen. Then she heard his distinct laugh coming from Alex's open
suitcase. "There you are you silly boy." He was in there having the
time of his life, looking through big Alex's clothes and then throwing
them aside when he was done `examining' them. Olivia thought it was
the cutest thing in the world so of course she had to capture the
moment. She got out her digicam and took a few shots of her son in
the suitcase and then her girlfriend laughing. When baby Alex pulled
out a bra, his bigger counterpart decided he had helped enough and
scooped him up so the three could have a relatively quiet dinner.

Once dinner was done, Olivia took her son to give him his nightly bath
while Alex cleaned up the kitchen. When they were done, they settled
on the couch to do their new nightly ritual of reading to baby Alex.
Olivia would hold him while he drank his bottle of milk, and Alex
would read to him, allowing her soothing voice to send him off into
dreamland.

Olivia shook her head in amazement after she placed the baby down in
his crib. "How do you do that? When I read to him, it usually took
me more than one reading of a book for him to fall asleep. But with
you, he falls asleep even before you get to the ending. I don't get it."

"I don't know either. Maybe he's just bored. Or tired, he was pretty
active today and didn't sleep that long this afternoon."

"So what happened at the DA's Office? Did Branch offer you your job
back?"

The blonde shrugged and said, "He told me that a soon as there was an
opening for an ADA, I would be at the top of his list. But for now,
there's no room for me. He did say he'd give me a good recommendation
if I applied to other law firms in the city."

"Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry…"

"It's ok, Liv." The blonde was quiet for a moment and then said, "You
know what though, I didn't feel so bad when Branch said that I didn't
have a place there anymore. In fact, I was a little relieved. I
still love the law and I love practicing it, but I think I would like
to do something else besides prosecuting. And no, I'm not going to
become one of those sleazy defense attorneys like Trevor. Liz hinted
that I should give teaching a shot. There's an opening at Columbia
and I think I'm going to go for it."

"That's great! I just want you to know that whatever you decide to
do, I'll be behind you 110%. So if you want to teach law, I think you
should go for it. Just do whatever makes you happy."

Giving Olivia a sly smile, Alex quipped in a husky voice, "You make me
happy. Can I do you?" She gave her detective her most seductive look
as she slowly crawled over to a now smiling Olivia. As Olivia settled
herself on the couch with her head resting on the armrest, Alex
settled between the detective's spread legs and used her arms to hold
herself up over the brunette. Hovering above her girlfriend, Alex
looked down at her intensly and licked her lips like a predator
getting ready to have her prey. Olivia had never seen her eyes so blue
before. Leaning down, she placed small kisses along Olivia's jaw line
and finally stopped at her lips. She kissed the detective good and
hard until their lips were swollen to let the other woman know her
intentions. Their tongues played while fighting for dominance. By
the time they broke apart for air, Olivia's heart was racing and she
could feel an ache between her legs that only her Alex could relieve.
It didn't help either that Alex was still grinding her pelvis into
Olivia as she continued to kiss and nip at the detective's neck,
marking her territory.

Breathing heavily, the brunette could barely squeak out, "Bedroom. Now."

 

A trail of clothes made a path to the bedroom. Olivia sat naked on
the edge of the bed eyeing Alex from head to foot appreciatively,
knowing how lucky she was to have this beautiful woman in her life
and in her bed. The brunette had to grin at that thought. Alex stood
in between her girlfriend's spread legs and then slowly straddled
her lap. The blonde made sure there was ample room between their
bodies to do some maneuvering. She put her arms around her the other
woman's neck and kissed her slowly, making sure she explored every
part of her lips and mouth. She'd had fantasies as to what she'd
like the detective to do with her mouth, and tonight they'd be a
reality. Olivia merely held onto Alex's hips for dear life because
there was still that incessant throbbing in her center that had yet
to be taken care of. At the same time, she knew Alex wanted to draw
this out to savor the moment. Of course, that didn't stop her from
letting her hands wander all over the blonde's body, allowing her
hands to memorize the soft terrain.

Still kissing the detective, Alex's hands made their way down,
touching the woman with the gentlest of caresses to make her feel
not only desired, but loved most importantly. She took a breast in
her hand and enjoyed the feeling of its softness. Just to be
playful, she tugged on a very erect nipple to only have the other
woman respond with a deep moan and a tighter grip on her hips.
Taking one of Olivia's hands, Alex brought two of her detective's
fingers to her mouth and sucked on them while her girlfriend
watched. She then guided the brunette's hand between her legs while
still looking intently into soulful brown eyes.

"I want you here," the blonde whispered. Olivia could only respond
with a nod. The detective touched her and was turned on even more at
the feeling of how wet Alex was.

"Alex, I need..." Olivia tried to get out only to have her mouth
covered by her girlfriend's lips.

"I know..." the other woman shushed as she moved her hand down to
where the detective needed her most.

They stroked each other slowly at first, but their need got the
better of them and soon Alex was telling Olivia to go deeper and
faster. While they touched each other, Olivia nipped at Alex's neck,
marking her. She told Alex to lean back a bit so she could taste
more. Her tongue made its way to the blonde's breast. 'God, she
feels and tastes so good,' the brunette thought as she took an erect
nipple into her mouth and sucked gently further arousing her lover.

"I'm close Liv," Alex murmured as she rode Olivia's hand harder.
Olivia pumped her fingers faster into the blonde while her thumb was
busy teasing the other woman's clit.

"Alex I'm going to come," Olivia said hoarsely still touching her
lover.

"Liv, don't close your eyes. I want to look at you when we come
together," the blonde instructed as she continued to slide her
fingers in and out of the other woman. She added more pressure onto
Olivia's clit, and in moments, the two women experienced the most
intense orgasm they've ever had.

The blonde slumped against her lover and hugged her tightly. Olivia
held on enjoying the feeling of her lover's body almost molding into
her own. As she held her, she began to feel wetness sliding down her
back and noticed the blonde shaking slightly in her arms. Pulling
back, she saw that Alex was crying.

"Shh, it's ok, sweetheart. I've got you. What's wrong?"

Not being able to speak, the blonde tried to open her mouth but
couldn't. So Olivia held her tighter to reassure her that everything
was ok. Finally finding her voice, Alex quietly said, "I just love
you so much right now. I know I've told you over and over these past
few days, but right now it just feels so strong. I don't know how to
explain it. I'm so overwhelmed right now. But it's the good kind of
overwhelming feeling. Geez, I'm a babbling idiot."

"No you're not. I know exactly how you feel. I'm feeling it too. God
Alex, that was one of the most beautiful things I've ever
experienced. I love you so much. Being here with you right now is
just so amazing. I love you. I love you. I love you," the brunette
said as she placed kisses all over her lover's face.

"I hope everytime we make love will always be like this."

"It will. You know why? Because we love each other deeply. Loving
each other makes things so much better, more intense. I never
believed it, but being with you, now I understand that special
connection. And I don't want to share it with anyone else but you."

"Olivia Benson, are you getting mushy on me?" the blonde teased.

Looking at her lover and glad to see the smile back on her face,
Olivia said, "Only for you and Alex. But don't go spreading that
around. I have an image to uphold."

"Don't worry baby, your secret's safe with me," Alex said as she
kissed her girlfriend. "We wouldn't want people thinking my bad ass
detective was really this huge mushball underneath that lether
jacket."

"You know what else your bad ass detective can do, counselor?"

"I don't know, but I know I want you to show me."

And with that, the loving continued very late into the night.

*********************************************************************
The alarm went off. It was 7 on a Monday morning. Olivia glanced at
the clock, turned it off and went back to snuggling into her
girlfriend.

"Liv, baby, you gotta get up. You have work today, remember?" the
blonde said sleepily.

"Mmmmph...don't wanna go," Olivia whined.

More awake now, Alex said, "I know you don't, but you have to. Come
on, let's get you out of bed. If you don't get up, I can't shower
with you."

Hearing those words, Olivia Benson shot out of bed like a cannon and
into the bathroom. "Well, come on then!" she yelled when Alex hadn't
followed her into the bathroom yet.

A little later when Olivia was getting ready to leave, she asked her
girlfriend, "Are you sure you'll be ok? Alex can be a handful
sometimes, especially when he's well rested and ready to go. I can
try and get another day off..."

"Liv, we're going to be fine. I promise," Alex said as she turned to
the baby boy sitting in the high chair, "Mama worries too much,
doesn't she? But we're going to be ok, right. We're going to have a
good day, just the two of us."

"Well, if you need anything, I mean anything at all, call me on my
cell or at the station. You have all the guys' cell numbers just in
case. And everything you'll need is here," the brunette paused
before continuing, "And you go out, call me. His diaper bag is in
his room and the stroller's in the hall closet and you already know
what to bring."

Grabbing her lover by the shoulders, Alex said, "Olivia, you're
going to be late if you don't leave now. I assure you, Alex and I
will be just fine. And it'll give us time to bond and get to know
each other. I promise I'll call you if I need anything. I'll even
call you every hour on the hour if you want. Baby, we'll be OK."

"Ok, I guess I should go then," the brunette said. She picked up her
son and held him closely. "You be good for Alex, ok. I love you,"
she told him as she kissed him goodbye. "And you," she continued as
she turned to her lover and gave her a tight hug with little Alex
wiggling between them, "I love you and I'm going to miss you guys so
much. I know I'm a worry wart, but you and Alex are the two most
important people in my life. I can't help it."

"How about this, I'll call you when it gets close to lunch and see
if you're really busy at the station. If you're not, Alex and I will
stop by to have lunch with you. And if you are, we'll stop by anyway
to drop off some food. Does that sound good to you?"

"Sounds like a plan. Ok, I really gotta go before Elliot's
imagination goes crazy with images as to why I'm late this morning.
And I bet all of them will include you." Hugging and kissing the two
Alexes a few more times, the detective finally made it out the door.

Walking into the station at exactly 9 AM, Olivia was greeted with a
smart ass remark from her partner. "So you and Alex
get 'reacquainted' over the weekend? Cuz you look a little tired
this morning. Up late last night, detective?"

"Shuttup Stabler! For your information, we spent the weekend just
hanging out and planning Alex's first birthday party. And I expect
you and the guys to be there." Turning on her computer to check
email, she found a message that just brightened up her day even
more. Elliot walked over to her desk and looked at her flat-screen
to see what his partner was smiling about. He laughed when he saw a
grinning Alex Cabot holding a laughing little Alex Benson with a
piece of paper that said in big bold black lettering, "See Mama,
we're ok." And Olivia knew they would be.

 

At 7 PM, Olivia Benson finally made it out of the station house. What
started out as a good day turned horrible after Alex and the baby
stopped by for lunch. After they left, a call came in about a 9 year
old boy, who was raped and beaten badly by his drunken stepfather and
then left for dead in the family's apartment. The neighbors had heard
the boy's cries for help and called the police. When Olivia saw the
boy, she wondered how could anyone do such damage to an innocent
child. His lip was busted and his arms and legs were bruised all
over. But what disturbed her the most was that he couldn't even lie
down on his back in the hospital because it hurt too much. These were
one of those days where she hated her job.

When she walked through the door to her apartment, she found her
girlfriend her son channel surfing. Baby Alex was listening to the
blonde intently as she said to him, "Sweetie, under no circumstances
should you ever watch Fox News. It's a prime example of
unprofessional television journalism at its finest. And, you don't
need to fill that little head of yours with crazy Right Wing mumbo
jumbo. Now, if you want good news, well MSNBC and sometimes CNN are
ok, but BBC World News is better. And they have English accents.
When you get a little older, I'll give you a small lesson in politics
and we can start watching Hardball together." Alex finally looked up
and noticed her girlfriend standing there with a smile on her face.
"I was just explaining to him the finer points of television."

"I bet you were, counselor," the detective smirked as she made her way
over to where the pair were sitting.

The blonde gave her a sheepish look and said to the little boy, "You
don't mind being a Democrat do you? But just in case, God forbid, you
turn into a conservative Republican, your Mama and I will still love
you," the blonde finished as she gave the little boy a kiss on the
forehead.

When Olivia sat down, little Alex immediately went over to his Mama to
give her a hug. "Aw baby, I missed you too today. But I knew you
were ok because Lexi kept sending me pictures of you. Did you have a
good day?" she asked as she returned his hug.

"Oh he did alright. He found some creative uses for apple sauce and
you might be sitting on some animal crackers too," the blonde said as
she gently rubbed little Alex's ticklish spot on the back of his neck.

After getting the baby down for the night, the two women lay in bed
enjoying some alone time before falling asleep. "Hey Liv, what
happened to the boy today?" her girlfriend asked quietly.

"He's going to be in the hospital for a few days to get all stitched
up. That bastard did a number on him. I don't even know if he'll
talk. The doctors gave him some meds for the physical pain. His
childhood is ruined. I just want to beat the crap out of that sick
bastard who did this to him," the brunette seethed.

Alex laid there rubbing Olivia's stomach soothingly as her girlfriend
recounted today's events. If she were still the ADA, she would've
done everything in her power to put that stepfather away for a long
time. Ever since they began sleeping together, she found out that the
detective liked having her stomach rubbed under her shirt to help her
fall asleep. It was a simple gesture, but it revealed the intimacy
that had been developing between the two women since Alex came back.
Sometimes Alex could feel Olivia watching her when she had her eyes
closed and a few times, she even felt the detective gently laying her
head down on the blonde's chest just to listen to her heart beating.
Alex would pretend to be asleep, but she knew her lover only did those
things to make sure she was really there with her and would never go
away again.

"I love you, Liv," Alex said sleepily.

"I love you too, Lexi."

********************************************************************************

Today was Thursday, Alex Benson's first birthday. His mama had
scheduled his party for Saturday afternoon so that way the squad could
attend her mini gathering for the tyke. She didn't want a huge party
– she only wanted the people close to her and her son there. So it
was going to be Elliot and his family, plus Munch, Fin, Warner, and
Cragen. Alex suggested they invite Casey Novak because the blonde
reasoned that Casey was part of the squad too and wanted to get to
know the woman who took her place as the SVU ADA.

As a show of gratitude for collaring the stepfather who had beaten his
stepson, Captain Cragen told Olivia that she could come into work at
11 instead of 9 that morning. The detective was very grateful,
because she wanted to have a long breakfast with her son and
girlfriend. They ended up going to Joe's, and as usual, when baby
Alex got hold of a piece of a chocolate croissant, more of the
chocolate ended up on his hands and face than in his mouth. He even
shared some with his namesake, who ended up having a chocolate baby
hand print on her shirt. Of course, Olivia got the image on the
digi-cam.

When breakfast was done, Alex and the baby dropped Olivia off at the
precinct since the detective wasn't quite ready to part with her one
year old just yet. They went in just to say hi and were greeted with
a round of `Happy Birthdays' from the other detectives. Since it
wasn't too busy in the squad room, each of Alex's `uncles' all took
turns holding and playing with him while Alex and Olivia looked on
with big smiles on their faces. Just then an angry Casey Novak strode
in ruining the moment.

"Here's your stupid warrant. Next time, I need more evidence than the
crap you gave me so I won't have to prostrate myself in front of
Petrovsky in the future," she fumed as she slapped the said warrant
onto Det. Munch's desk.

"I think she woke up with another stick up her ass," Olivia whispered
to her snickering girlfriend, who stood there with an eyebrow raised
at the redhead.

After calming down, Casey finally noticed Alex Jr. in the arms of Fin,
who scowled at her. "What's Olivia's baby doing here?"

"He's helping us gather the evidence you need," John Munch quipped.
Casey frowned at him and gave him a small glare.

Stepping up to the attorney, Olivia said, "Him and Alex came by to
drop me off and say hello to everyone. I wanted to spend the morning
with him on his birthday. That's why he's here." Then turning to her
girlfriend, she added, "Hey Casey, have you met Alex Cabot?"

Alex stepped forward and held out her hand. "Alex Cabot," she simply
said as the redhead shook it firmly in response. "Casey Novak. I've
heard many things about you at the DA's Office. It's nice to finally
put a face to the name."

Just then baby Alex began to fuss when he couldn't reach the warrant
sitting on his uncle Munch's desk. Being a one year old, he had to
grab everything in sight that interested him. Lately it had been
Alex's glasses of justice, which she had to clean nightly since her
glasses were covered in baby fingerprints. Olivia retrieved her son
from Munch and walked over to Alex to hand the baby to her. "Here you
go sweetheart. Mama has to get to work now before Uncle Elliot has a
fit about doing all the paperwork. Now you be good and I'll see you
both tonight when I get home." At that, she kissed her son before
helping Alex secure him in the stroller. Waving goodbye to everyone,
the two Alexes were on their way.

"Wait, I thought his birthday was on Saturday," Casey asked as she
turned to Olivia.

"No, his actual birthday is today. But we're celebrating his birthday
this Saturday so all of you will be free."

Just to be a jackass, Casey said, "So, Cabot's you're new babysitter, eh?"

"No, she's my girlfriend," the detective said evenly as she tried to
resist the urge to smack the redhead upside the head for the millionth
time since they began working together. There were times when Casey
deserved it, and after making a comment like that, she was asking for
it. But since Olivia was in a good mood after spending the morning
with her two favorite people, she just ignored it.

"Ah ok, well I look forward to getting to know her then. Is she
planning on returning to the DA's Office?" the attorney asked
nervously, since she didn't want to lose her job anytime soon.

"Actually, Alex was offered a position at Columbia. Apparently, both
Branch and Donnelly had given her stellar recommendations and some of
the people at the law school were already familiar with her, so it was
a no brainer in hiring her. Since the spring term already started,
Alex won't begin lecturing until fall," Olivia proudly stated.

"Oh, well, good for her then," the ADA said as she let out a small
sigh of relief.
********************************************************************************\
*********
Alex's first birthday party was a success. He had fun playing with
everyone, especially Elliot's kids who treated him like a baby
brother. Elliot's son, Dickie, had given the little guy a small
Yankees baseball cap and jersey, reasoning that Alex had to start his
sports education early and had to start it out right. Besides that,
Alex got a load of toys, books, and clothes. Cabot had practically
doubled the baby's wardrobe when she decided to go on a shopping spree
at Baby Gap the other day and now Olivia was wondering where she'd put
everything. When it came time to blow out the cake, once again, Alex
Benson felt the need to plunge his small hands into the flaming
desert. But before his hands could reach, his namesake was quick
enough to stop him.

"No sweetie, you're going to get dirty. We don't want to get
chocolate all over your shirt. Come on, let's go see what your Uncle
Munch and Uncle Fin are arguing about it," the blonde said as she
walked over to the two men in deep discussion.

"She's a natural, Liv," Kathy Stabler said to a smiling Olivia.

"I know. I was so worried when she first came back about how she'd be
with Alex. I didn't even know if she'd want to be with me or how my
son would take to her. But these past two weeks have been great.
Alex is attached to her. Just look at them. She's so wonderful with
him. He won't even go to sleep unless Alex reads to him. Looking at
her when she's with him makes me love her even more than I already do."

"Oh what about your date? Elliot said you two haven't been on an
official date yet."

"No we haven't. We have to find someone to watch Alex. Marion had to
quit because of school. But it worked out because Alex watches him
during the day."

Overhearing Olivia's predicament, Maureen Stabler walked over to the
two women and said, "As an added birthday present, I'm volunteering to
watch Alex whenever you need me to. Dad said you needed a babysitter
sometimes when Ms. Cabot needs to run errands, so I can do it."

"Maureen," Olivia said, "You don't have to. I'm sure you have other
things to do. I don't want you to go through all that trouble and
what about school? I know you're busy in college."

"Olivia, it's ok. I want to. I haven't spent that much time with
Alex in a while and I miss him. It would be my pleasure," the girl
insisted.

"Well, if it's ok with you, then ok. I'll tell Alex to call you when
she needs you to watch him. Oh, are you busy tomorrow?"

"Nope, just some reading for English but that's it."

"I'm going to take Ms. Cabot out tomorrow, so I might need you to
watch Alex, if that's ok."

"Sure! Just say when."

And with that solved, Olivia could now be free to plan her date with
one Ms. Alex Cabot.

 

Sunday was here. Olivia woke up extra early today so she could pamper
her girlfriend from the moment she woke up until she would go to sleep
that night. Last week was quite busy for the both of them. Olivia
was at the station most of the time because of the case with the boy,
while Alex finalized plans for the baby's birthday party, had her
interview at Columbia, and dealt with her late mother's lawyers
regarding Mrs. Cabot's estate. When Mrs. Cabot didn't have much time
left, Olivia went to go see her and let her know that Alex was indeed
alive and well. She felt it was the right thing to do to not let the
old woman die thinking her only child was dead. Of course it took
some convincing for the Feds to allow her to do this, but in the end
it was done. After hearing the news, the older Cabot had her lawyers
quickly amend her will, so that when her daughter returned (she
believed with every fiber of her being that Alex would come home
safely), she would inherit everything. To thank Det. Benson for
telling her about her daughter, she set up a trust fund with an
undisclosed amount for baby Alex who was just a month old when Mrs.
Cabot died. She was so delighted to hear that Olivia had named him
after her daughter and even got a kick out of being one of the first
people to hold the boy. She had said that holding him brought back
memories of when she first held her Alex as an infant, and thanked
Olivia again for including her towards the end of her life.

"Lexi, come on baby, we got to get up. It's a bright and sunny Sunday
morning. Come on sleepyhead," the brunette urged her girlfriend.
Alex's only response was pulling the comforter over her head to go
back to sleep. "Sweetheart, we have our date today, remember. But we
can't go on it if you don't move."

"Liv," the other woman whined, "why can't we just spend the day in
bed. I'm sure we can find something to occupy ourselves with under
the sheets."

"Lex, I don't think Maureen will want to hear us making love. You do
get pretty loud, sweetie, not that it's bad or anything. It's a turn
on actually," the brunette grinned into the sleepy eyes of her lover.

"Alright fine," the blonde acquiesced. "Is Alex up yet? He was
pretty tired last night after the party."

"He was still asleep when I checked on him after I got up. He'll
probably be up soon. Come on, maybe you and I can share a shower
before he wakes up. What do you say, Counselor?"

"Let me think about that," the blonde said, "You, me, naked under a
warm stream of water. I don't know Liv."

"I promise to wash every inch of your body carefully. And I know you
love it when I get down on my knees to, uh, take care of your needs,"
the detective said huskily while kissing the blonde's neck.

A good 45 minutes later, both women had been thoroughly washed and
serviced.
********************************************************************************\
************
Maureen Stabler arrived shortly after lunch when Olivia had just
finished feeding little Alex. The bigger Alex was still in the
bedroom changing for their date. Her girlfriend was vague when she
asked her where they were going, so she knew she couldn't go wrong
with a pair of low rise Diesel's, a simple button down black shirt,
and high heeled boots. Olivia hadn't been shy when it came to telling
her girlfriend how great she looked in fitted jeans, especially when
she was wearing her Diesel's. She said they accentuated her `assets'
in all the right places. And when she wore them, the detective
couldn't keep her hands out of the former attorney's back pockets.

When baby Alex was busy playing with Maureen, the duo snuck out of the
apartment quickly so the little boy wouldn't cry when he saw them
leaving. "Hey Liv, where are we going?"

"I was thinking we could start out with something simple and go to a
movie. We haven't seen Mr. and Mrs. Smith yet, and I was hoping we
could check it out."

"You just want to go see Angelina Jolie," the blonde teased.

"Actually, there's a woman in the movie that looks like you," the
detective said while wiggling her eyebrows, "and plus it'll be dark
enough in the movie theater for me to grope you. You know how I get
when I see you in jeans."

After the movie, the two went to Ben and Jerry's to grab some ice
cream before finding a bench to sit on at a nearby park to enjoy the
rest of the afternoon. Olivia enjoyed spending time with Alex when it
was just the two of them. She of course missed her son, but at the
same time, she liked her alone time with the blonde. There were also
some important things she needed to talk to her girlfriend about, such
as where their relationship was going. There was no question that she
was madly in love with the woman sitting next to her, but if this was
a temporary situation for the blonde, then it was best to break it off
now. She didn't want to do that, but Olivia wanted stability
especially when her son was involved.

"Hey Alex…"

"Hmmm," the blonde looked up after swallowing a spoonful of Cherry Garcia.

"Are you happy?"

"What do you mean? Happy right now, because I am. Happy that I'm
back. Happy that I'm with you and Alex. Happy that I can be Alex
Cabot again."

"All of the above actually. It's just, you've only been back for a
couple of weeks, just 2 in fact, and I was just wondering whether you
needed more time to get readjusted again. You're in transition and
maybe we might be moving to fast, you know."

Getting up and throwing her now empty cup into the garbage can, the
blonde began to pace in front of the now quiet detective. From
previous experiences, the detective knew when the blonde did this it
meant she was upset.

"Do you want me leave? Because if you do all you have to do is say
so. I thought things were going well between us, but I guess you have
other ideas…"

"No it's not that," the brunette said as she too got up to go to her
girlfriend. She tried to put a hand on Alex to get her to stop
pacing, but the blonde shrugged off her touch. "Lexi, please listen
to me. I do think things are going great between us. Better than I
had hoped for. I just want to make sure there aren't going to be any
regrets. We both know what it feels like to live with `what-ifs' and
wishing we had done things differently, especially these past 3 years.
I don't want to go through that anymore. That's all I'm saying."

Alex looked at Olivia with tears getting ready to spill out of her
eyes. In a quiet voice she asked, "Do you have any regrets with
what's happened between us?" She was trying to will herself not to
cry, but the possibility of Olivia having regrets about being with her
was something she wasn't prepared for. A few tears slid down her face
before she felt her lover's arms wrapped around her securely.

"God, no, no, no, don't ever think that. These past 2 weeks have been
wonderful. Lexi, I love you so much. But I'm scared. It's not just
about you and me anymore, there's Alex. Whatever happens between us
will affect him. And I have to be sure you want this," the detective
said motioning between them, "because if not, then…"

Before Olivia could finish her sentence, Alex gave the detective a
deep kiss that took her breath away to convey all the love she had for
the woman before sitting them down on the bench again. "Olivia, I
love you too. And Alex, God, I love that little boy so much. I fell
in love with him the minute he crawled into my lap and tried to put my
watch in his mouth. And yeah, I'm just as scared as you are as to
what's going to happen to us. I know that whatever decision you and I
make regarding our relationship will affect him. Don't you think I
know that?" At Olivia's downward cast eyes, the blonde lifted the
other woman's chin so they were eye to eye again. "I want this, I
want `us,' – you, me, and especially Alex," the blonde said with as
much conviction as she could muster.

"But are you ready to be a mother to him? Are you sure you're ready
to have that lifelong responsibility of being a parent?"

"Liv, I've been ready for quite some time. I love the idea of being a
mother. But I had to put that dream aside when I went away because I
couldn't be with the only person I had wanted to have children with –
you. And now that I'm back and you have Alex, I can have my chance of
being another mother to him. I want to be a part of his life, if
you'll let me."

"I do. I can't think of a better person to raise Alex with than you.
I mean, who else is going to do the voices during his bedtime
stories. I can't," the brunette said to lighten up the mood. "Lexi,
I want you to be there with me every step of the way. We can't tell
for sure what's going to happen in the future. But the one thing I
can say for sure is that I can't imagine a future without you. I
don't even want to try."

"So does that mean you'll still love me when I'm old and grey and all
my good looks have vanished? Because I know I'll still love you."

Looking at her girlfriend sheepishly, "I'll love you no matter what
you look like in a year, five years, and even fifty years. You have
my heart Alexandra Cabot and you always will."

Alex kissed her girlfriend again and wrapped her arms around the
detective's waste as she put her head on the other woman's shoulder.
"I guess we're just going to have to take a leap of faith, huh."

"Yeah we do."

"Well as long as we're making that leap together, I know we'll be ok.
Hey Liv, thanks for loving me. I love you," the blonde said as she
held onto Olivia tighter.

"I love you too, sweetheart, even when you're being a pain in the ass."

Playfully hitting Olivia, the two women sat quietly on the bench
holding each other and envisioned a bright future filled with love and
hope ahead of them.

The End

Author's Note: Thanks you guys for giving me the time of day and
reading this story. Thanks for the feedback - it was greatly
appreciated. I might even motivate myself to write another one. Eh, I
don't know yet.

Epilogue  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hillary’s HH