XXXXXXXXXXX

 

They stopped at a restaurant just outside the city for dinner, and once again they sat in the very back.

 

"What happens now Hillary?"

 

She leaned in and motioned for Alex to join her. "When we get home, the apartment will be bugged. I don't know about for video, but it will be bugged for audio. We will never discuss the case in the apartment. Not even the bathroom. Always dress and undress in the bathroom. Understand?" Alex nodded. "Are you going to be ok with having Jose Mangels examine you?"

 

"I'm used to being poked and prodded Hillary. What's one more?"

 

"You know this one's different Alex. This man is a butcher, a sadist, and so far, untouchable."

 

Alex answered with a little more bravado than she actually felt, "Just the kind I like to prosecute."

 

Hillary swirled the wine in her glass before looking back up at Alex. "Alex, you should know there is a lot of validity to his work. It's just ethically unsound. He may actually be able to give you what you want." She watched as every emotion played across Alex's face before sadness settled in.

 

Shaking her head, she looked down into her dinner plate. "I won't go above the law to get what I want."

 

Hillary was about to disagree with her but thought better of it and simply nodded.

 

Once they were back in the car, Hillary brought up another delicate matter. "Alex, we're supposed to be a happily married couple who just found each other again. We need to have a lot of sex. And never ever leave the bed without putting your robe on, unless you want copies of your nude form floating around everywhere. And…"

 

"I'll be sure to scream your name a time or two." Hillary smiled.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Olivia arrived at Sandy's apartment a little before seven and hesitantly knocked on the door.

 

The tall blonde opened the door and greeted her warmly with a kiss on the cheek. Olivia looked at her a bit uncomfortably and returned the gesture. She followed the other woman inside and waited in her entryway.

Sandy looked at her bemused and went back to get her.

 

"You look nervous. It's just dinner Olivia." Olivia blushed.

 

"I…I haven't done this in a long time. Over three years actually." She gestured with her hands.

 

Sandy linked her arm with Olivia's and led her further into the apartment. Olivia recognized the couch from the night before and grimaced. Sandy touched her cheek and smiled. "It's OK Olivia. I'm not offended. I think it's kind of sweet." Olivia followed her into the kitchen and offered to help, but Sandy shooed her out. She did ask her to set the table.

 

Olivia tore into the roast and was half through her second helping before she realized Sandy was simply watching her. "What?"

 

"I take it you like my cooking? Or you just haven't eaten all day?"

 

Embarrassed, Olivia looked down at her plate. "Uh, both actually. I haven't had a home cooked meal in a while and I haven't been eating much lately."

 

"Ah. The break-up diet. Been there, done that. I take it your ex wasn't much of a cook?" Olivia flinched at the use of the word ex.

 

"Not much, but we both worked crazy hours, so it was usually take out. Her name is Alex by the way."

 

Sandy nodded. As dinner wound down, Sandy led her into the living room and they sat on the couch from the night before. Olivia found it easy to talk to Sandy and before she knew it, she'd spilled the beans about everything that had happened in the last two weeks.

 

"God Olivia, that's horrible. And she's not given you any reason why? She just let you catch her and then moved right in with the other woman?" Olivia nodded.

 

"There is something. After the first miscarriage, I didn't react very well. I mean, we wanted that baby so much and to have it ripped away, it hurt. My mother was an alcoholic and I've always been watchful of my alcohol intake." Olivia shook her head. "I went off the deep end for a couple of weeks after that and she had this freak complication that only something like 1 in a billion have. I was doting on her during the day and drinking my pain away at night after she was asleep. I didn't think she knew. Anyway, about ten days after the miscarriage she had a hemorrhage. I was so drunk I passed out. She couldn't wake me up and she needed me. She had to call an ambulance. Two actually, because she was afraid I had alcohol poisoning." She looked down at her hands. "Which I did. So here we are, both in the hospital, her undergoing another DNC and me getting the charcoal treatment. She could have died because I was too fucking drunk to help her." She angrily pushed her tears away.

 

"Olivia, I'm sure she forgave you. Everybody deals with grief in a different way."

 

"How many people almost kill their loved ones while doing it? I can't blame her for leaving me."

 

Sandy pulled Olivia to her and to Olivia's surprise, she did not resist the comfort the other woman was giving.

 

XXXXXXXX

 

Alex slid into the bed and snuggled up to Hillary, with the intent of initiating "sex." Hillary rolled onto her  back and brought Alex's hand to her lips and kissed it.

 

"I'm too tired after the long drive Alikins. I hope that's ok?"

 

"Sure baby. Maybe in the morning. You know how I like sex in the early a.m." Hillary kissed her forehead. Alex fell into a contented sleep for the first time in nearly a month.

 

She awoke early the next morning and remembering her conversation right before they both went to sleep, she began blowing into Hillary's ear. The brunette gradually awoke and flipped Alex beneath her. She pulled at the blonde's nightgown and tossed it in the direction of the bathroom. Alex tugged on Hillary's t-shirt and it was lost on neither woman that they were nipple to nipple. The next thing to go was Alex's panties, followed by Hillary's boxers. Alex could feel that Hillary was actually wet and hid her face in the other woman's shoulder. After several long minutes of heavy breathing and sheet rustling, Alex managed to fake a fairly decent orgasm, as did Hillary. They lay entwined for the better part of an hour before Hillary found her robe and slid it on. As she made her way to the bathroom, she laid Alex's robe on the foot of the bed.

 

Alex watched her pad into the bathroom and let her mind play a game of "if only." Deciding that was a futile line of thought, she rolled over and went back to sleep. When next she awoke, she found a Tiger Lilly on Hillary's pillow and a note letting Alex know she'd gone for her morning run. Finding her robe, she slipped it on and headed for her own shower.

 

She knew that Hillary's morning run consisted of heading in the direction of Central Park, and then diverting to meet her contact. Though she'd never admit it to Hillary, she was anxious to see what Olivia had been up to. Or more precisely, who Olivia had been up to. Soaping her lower abdomen, she thought about the two babies she'd lost, before shutting that memory away.

 

She could hear Hillary in the apartment as she was brushing her teeth. Dressing, she made her way out to the kitchen and caught the troubled look on Hillary's face.

 

"Hil? I think I'd like to go for a walk in the park. Care to join me?"

 

XXXXXXX

 

Standing on the bridge in Central Park, Alex snapped, "Spill it Hillary."

 

"She didn't come home last night."

 

Alarmed, Alex sputtered, "We have to do something. We need to find her. Is…."

 

She was cut off by Hillary's next words. "She spent the night at the woman's house from the night before. She arrived at 7pm and left about 5:30am this morning." Seeing the distress on Alex's face, she continued, "It doesn't mean anything Alex. Maybe she slept on the couch. It doesn't mean they had sex." Alex nodded.

 

"Ok. Ok. At least she's safe, right?" Alex looked hopeful. "I mean, this woman, she's not involved in any of this is she?" Hillary shook her head.

 

"Not that we can find." Alex nodded.

 

XXXXXXXXX

 

Olivia awoke on a strange couch in a strange house. She checked to make sure she was fully dressed, and then she rolled her tongue around in her head to see if there was any lingering alcohol. Finding none, she was satisfied that wherever she was, she was there out of choice and not some drunken haze or sex romp.

 

Sitting up, it all came back to her. She'd fallen asleep on Sandy's couch after discussing way too much about her personal life. Finding a piece of paper, she left a note for Sandy, thanking her and offering to take her out to dinner.

 

Slipping on her shoes, she hurried out the door.

 

XXXXXXXXX

 

Across Town

 

Breemer, Pfizer, and Astor were on a conference call with Jose Mangels.

 

"This Cabot, she is in good health?"

 

Breemer spoke up, "Until she started trying to have a baby, the only claims she ever submitted were for regular check-up's. Nothing is listed in her forms regarding family diseases. Never had an STD, doesn't smoke."

 

"Good."

 

"She is blonde, no?"

 

"And blue eyed. Striking actually. Too bad she is a lesbian."

 

"She is in a position of power?"

 

"She's an assistant DA. Before she went up against Velez, she had political ambitions. Perhaps we can help her, if she helps us?"

 

"Yes, this is our goal. We have several judges across the country and a few DA's, as well as one senator and one congressman. We must grow that number if we are to achieve more power."

 

They all three chimed in, "Yes Jose."

 

"Anka?"

 

"Yes Jose."

 

"Have her come in early next week. I will enter the country through Canada. Have our contact at NYU set up the appointment. Do we have an appropriate candidate?"

 

Breemer reviewed his notes. "Yes. An officer in homicide. His daughter is 16 and pregnant. Healthy girl, very smart. IQ in the high triple digits, aptitude for languages. A good match for our cause. Shall I proceed?"

 

"Wait until I arrive. Have a few files for me to review, and I will make my decision then. Good work on this one." As an after thought he added, "Anka, have this Cabot woman bring her girlfriend, the doctor, with her."

 

XXXXXXXX

 

Olivia had gone back to bed after returning home. The ringing telephone woke her. Hoping it wasn't a work call, she picked up the phone.

 

"Hello?"

 

"Olivia? It's Sandy. Did I wake you?"

 

More awake, she sat up in bed. "Uh, no.  Sorry I ran out this morning, I didn't want to wake you at such an early hour. So….what's up?"

 

"Your note said something about dinner?"

 

"…..I…I did. How about tonight?"

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Alex and Hillary had lunch and then went to see a movie. It was Alex's suggestion to get away from the confines of their apartment. Alex had been quiet ever since Hillary had told her about Olivia. Hillary hoped that a movie would lighten Alex's mood.

 

They saw a lighthearted comedy and Hillary was glad to see Alex laugh. Afterwards, Hillary pulled Alex close as they walked down the sidewalk to a nearby bistro, Alex had chosen because it was someplace Olivia would never go. Along the way they passed a baby store and Alex stopped to window shop. Taking Alex's hand, Hillary led her down the sidewalk and into the bistro.

 

They were seated in the back of the bistro, at a table in the corner.

 

"Do you always sit in the back of restaurants?"

 

Hillary smiled. "In my line of work, it pays to be cautious. After your experience, I'd think you'd want to sit with your back to the wall."

 

Alex looked down and away before answering. "That's precisely why I don't. I spent two years living like that, and I won't spend another day."

 

They placed their order and sat in comfortable silence for a while.

 

"Why did you come back? You could have started over anywhere. Why come back here? I mean, your mother is gone and your Uncle Bill retired, so why here?"

 

Alex smiled. "Olivia." Hillary nodded.

 

"What's so special about her?" Alex glared at her until Hillary took her hand. "I'm being serious, not flippant."

 

"She's just…..Olivia. You'd have to know her. I love her."

 

"I want that Alex. I want what you have with Olivia." Alex looked doubtful.

 

"I hope she'll forgive me. I hope….."

 

Alex didn't finish her thought because at that moment, Olivia and Sandy came walking through the door. Hillary noticed Alex had quit talking and followed her line of sight. Shaking her head, she cursed under her breath. "Are you ok?" Alex didn't move. She watched Olivia with the other woman and took copious mental notes that she'd replay in her mind later that night.

 

Olivia looked a bit nervous, and the woman she was with could have been Alex's cousin, if not her sister. The blonde leaned into her and whispered something that made Olivia smile. They were shown to their table and Alex spent the rest of her meal surreptitiously glancing at Olivia and her date. Hillary spent the meal watching Alex and hoping they weren't being watched. For good measure, she took Alex's hand and kissed it.

 

"Al." Alex didn't answer and Hillary tried again. "Al. Look at me." She finally turned to face Hillary and saw the concern written on her face. "Alex, we may be under surveillance. "

 

"Sorry. I just didn't expect to see her and especially not with another woman."

 

Hillary glanced around and back at Alex. "She could be related to you." Alex nodded.

 

"Let's just go. Please." They paid and Alex allowed her to take her hand without protest. As they neared the door, Olivia caught sight of Alex and froze. Realizing that Olivia had stopped paying attention, Sandy followed her eyes.

 

"That must be Alex." Olivia nodded. "She's stunning." Olivia had to smile at the description.

 

Alex and Olivia's eyes met briefly. Neither woman gave anything away. The moment passed and Alex and Hillary made it to the sidewalk. Hillary hailed a cab and Alex was silent all the way home. As they neared their building, Hillary pulled Alex down to her. She whispered, "Hold it together. Remember the goal." Alex nodded and kissed her on the cheek.

 

Olivia and Sandy finished dinner, and Olivia declined the offer of a night cap. She kissed Sandy on the cheek and promised to call. Getting back into the car, she slumped against the seat and ran her hand through her hair.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Olivia returned to work Monday morning. She hadn't seen Sandy since Saturday night, but they'd talked on the phone a few times and she found she genuinely liked the other woman. They were scheduled to have lunch on Tuesday, and Olivia was looking forward to it.

 

She made her way down to the lab to meet Warner for a case they working on, and was surprised when the ME brought up the subject of Alex. None of the guys had dared speak the name and conversation usually stopped when she entered certain rooms, but other than that, everyone had given her a wide berth where Alex was concerned.

 

"Olivia, your business is your business, but something's not right. I walked in on Alex and this Hillary in the ladies room last Friday. She had Alex pinned to the wall in a deep kiss. I thought it was you at first."

 

"Why are you telling me this?"

 

"Because none of it makes sense. In all the time you and Alex were together, how many times did you ever pin her to the wall of the bathroom? The bathroom? The two of you were never anything less than professional." Olivia thought about that as Warner continued. "And I have a friend down in the benefits office. I had her do a little nosing around for me, and it seems Hillary Caputo is a doctor." Olivia's head shot up. "You didn't know she was a doctor? Or you didn't know her name?"

 

Olivia bit her bottom lip. "Neither actually. I don't even know where they live and Alex's cell phone has been turned off. I'm not sure I want to know." She shook her head.

 

Melinda nodded. "Well, Hillary Caputo listed Reproductive Endocrinology as her area of practice." Olivia's eyes filled with tears. Warner nodded. "I don't know what any of this means or if it means anything at all, but do some snooping. And talk to Huang. Maybe Alex has had some kind of break with reality and sees this Hillary person as her salvation for a baby." A sickening thought occurred to Olivia.

 

"Or she met her while undergoing fertility treatments while trying to have a baby. Our baby. God that's so sick." Warner placed a hand on her shoulder.

 

"They would have had to list their address on the DP papers and the benefits forms. Ask for Lisa if you check out the bene's office."

 

Olivia returned to the station with her new found knowledge and tried to settle in to work. Elliot caught her demeanor and questioned her, but she shook him off. She waited until he went to lunch before going down to the benefits office. As she entered the office, she looked around for any female workers, finally finding one.

 

"Excuse me, I'm looking for Lisa?"

 

"That's me. What can I do for you?"

 

Olivia glanced around before speaking. "Dr. Warner said you might be able to help me?" She raised her eyebrows at the young clerk.

 

"You must be Olivia. She called and said you might be stopping by." Discreetly she passed Olivia copies of the forms Alex and Hillary had filled out. Olivia glanced down at them before looking back up and smiling. She took the papers and left the office. Lisa went back to work.  From the back of the office, Kurt Breemer watched the exchange between Lisa and Olivia. He turned toward his office and shut the door.

 

"The Benson woman is poking around. One of the clerks gave her their benefits forms. What do you want me to do?"

 

XXXXXXXXX

 

"Hello." Alex listened to the voice on the other end of the line. "Yes. Really? That's great. Hillary? Yes, she'll be coming with me. Thank you so much Anka."

 

Alex hung-up and leaned against the wall. Ever mindful of possible surveillance, she mustered up a smile and picked the phone back up and dialed. "Hil? It's me. I heard from Anka. We have an appointment with Dr. Mangels on Wednesday at NYU. I didn't think we'd get in this soon! When will you get home? I thought we might celebrate." She smiled into the phone and ended the call with an "I love you."

 

Needing to get out of the apartment, she picked up her keys and left. She headed in the direction of the park.

 

Olivia sat watching as Alex left the building and started walking in the direction of the park. Getting out of the car, she followed Alex at a safe distance until she turned into the park. She watched her take a seat on a bench and ordering a hotdog, she strode up beside the bench and took a seat. Alex was so lost in thought she didn't even notice someone had sat next to her.

 

Taking a bite of her hotdog Olivia swallowed and took a drink of Coke. Taking some more of Alex's mail out of her jacket pocket, she leaned over and placed it in her lap. Startled, Alex looked down and then over at Olivia. "What are you doing here? Are you following me?" Alex was acutely aware that someone may be watching.

 

"Well Counselor, I tried to call you, but you see, your cell phone has been disconnected, and you didn't really leave a forwarding address, so I had to resort to other means." Alex moved away from Olivia and glanced around.

 

"Obviously that means I didn't want to be in contact with you." Olivia nodded.

 

"Alex, what's going on? I know Hillary's a Reproductive Endocrinologist. Is this some baby thing?"

 

"How do you know Hil's a doctor? Have you been poking around in my personal business? You have no right Olivia Benson! I am not your concern any longer." Alex stood up and tightened her jacket around her. "Thank you for my mail, but in the future, please drop it by Liz's office."

 

"Just answer one question. Did you meet her while we were trying to have a baby?"

 

"I've known Hillary since college. We were involved. I called her after my complication to get her professional opinion." Alex shrugged. Olivia refused to meet her eyes.

 

"You never told me about this. Why?" You can do this Alex.

 

"Because I didn't want you to know. I was afraid you'd start hitting the bottle full time when you found out that my inability to have a child is your fault." Alex watched as Olivia shrunk back and held her stomach, shaking her head.

 

"No. Nononononono. No. The complication?" Alex looked away before answering.

 

"Yes Olivia, the complication. Had I gotten to the hospital in a timely manner." Alex shrugged.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"Go home Olivia."

 

Alex hurried down the pathway and didn't look back. She reached the apartment building and entered. She hurried to the elevator and managed to hold it together until the doors closed. She let out a ragged sob and slumped against the wall of the elevator. When the elevator reached her floor, she didn't get out. Instead, she slid to the floor and held her head in her hands. She sat there until the elevator began moving again. She rode down a couple of flights and punched her floor again. This time she got off.

 

"Hillary? Hi baby. Nothing's wrong." Alex sighed. "I saw Olivia this afternoon. She had some mail for me." Hillary was quiet.

 

"I'll be home shortly. She didn't hurt you did she?"

 

"No. I just don't like seeing her."

 

"How about we go out for dinner tonight?"

 

"I can cook."

 

Hillary laughed. "No, you can't. Let me treat you and we'll talk about the appointment with Dr. Mangels."

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Olivia arrived back at the station looking like Hell.

 

"Where you been Liv?" Elliot looked closer and added, "You ok?"

 

"Let's hit Chauncey's." Elliot gave her a dubious look, but followed her none the less.

 

They found a table in the middle of the bar and ordered a pitcher of beer.

 

"Spill it partner."

 

"I talked to Alex today." Elliot waited for her to continue. "I, uh, I'd break up with me too, if I were her."

 

"What are you talking about?"

 

Olivia filled him in on her conversation with Alex. She sat playing with her mug of beer and avoiding his eyes.

 

"I'm sorry Liv. Are you sure she's telling you the truth?"

 

"Why would she lie to me Elliot?" He shrugged.

 

"What are you going to do?"

 

"Nothing. She has history with Hillary. I want her to be happy, and I need to move on."

 

XXXXXXXXX

 

Alex and Hillary ended up eating at Mesa, once again in a corner booth.

 

"Did you get rid of her?" Alex frowned.

 

"You make her sound like garbage." Alex hissed, "No matter what, I love her. But yes, I don't think she'll show up again. At least I hope not. What happens if she does?"

 

Hillary shook her head. "We'll deal with that if and when it happens. And let's hope it doesn't. Tell me the details about Dr. Mangels."

 

Alex filled her in on the appointment and sat looking at Hillary.

 

"What?"

 

"Is his work actually viable Hil? Could this work?"

 

Hillary wiped her mouth and placed her napkin on the plate in front of her. She considered her next words carefully, not wanting to upset Alex, or give her false hope.

 

"There is evidence it already has." She watched as the color drained from Alex's face. "A senator, congressman and some judges all experienced infertility and tried for years to have a child. After working with Astor, babies started appearing." She let that sink in. "It could work for you Alex. You could get that baby."

 

Alex shook her head. "I already told you Hillary, I won't go above the law. What kind of mother would that make me?"

 

"One who really wanted a child. One who really loved a child."

 

"Let's go home. It's been a bad day."

NEXT 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hillary’s HH