Olivia awoke
the next morning and found Alex sprawled across her bed,
dead to the world. Not wanting to wake her, she tossed
on some clothes
and eased out of the room. Making her way to the kitchen
from the
night before, she found Mrs. Cabot reading the paper.
"Uh, good morning Mrs. Cabot."
"If you're going to be sleeping with my daughter,
don't you think we
should be on a first name basis Olivia?"
"We're not, we haven't, we're not…."
Smiling, the elder Cabot shushed her. "I have no
doubt that once Alex
gets passed this, you'll come to know my daughter in the
biblical
sense. Until then, you may call me Lenore. Now, what do
you want for
breakfast?"
Lenore Cabot allowed Olivia to sit in silence for 15
minutes, picking
at her pancakes before she spoke to the brunette again.
"I love my daughter very much Olivia and I think
you do too. I trust
you have not and will not rush her in terms of this
relationship?"
"No Ma'am. I mean, I won't rush her. I….I love
her. If we
never…consummate the relationship, that'd be ok
too." At Lenore's
doubtful look, she quickly added, "It wouldn't be
my ideal way to
spend the rest of my life, but I'd make it work."
Putting down the paper, Mrs. Cabot took Olivia's hand.
"Let me tell
you some things about my daughter Olivia. She has led a
very lonely,
solitary life. She was popular in high school, but she
had no one
group of friends. She much preferred her books and
horses to anyone or
anything. She didn't date. The summer after she
graduated, she
attended her old summer camp as a counselor. I had hoped
it would help
her come out of her shell, but something happened just
at the end of
camp. It left her spirit damaged. I suspect it was a
first love or
some such thing. She wouldn't talk about it. During
college, she was
very studious, to the point of obsession. I think it was
her way of
avoiding dealing with who she was, what she was and her
belief that
she would disappoint me. I did not make that any easier
on her and I
never really let her know that I would accept her as she
is. I believe
that is why her time in this house has been so short all
these years.
I hope now that she knows I love her no matter what and
that she has
someone, has you, I hope that will change. She will try
to push you
away if you let her. She avoids relationships, romantic
or otherwise,
at all costs. Please bear with her."
"Mrs. Cabot, Lenore, I have loved your daughter for
a very long time,
but like your daughter, I don't do relationships well. I
want this one
to be different. I want it to be the one. I'm here for
the long haul."
Lenore Cabot nodded at Olivia and went back to reading
her paper.
Olivia had just finished her second cup of coffee when
Alex plopped
into the kitchen dressed in jeans and an old sweatshirt.
Olivia,
mindful of Alex's mother, surreptitiously admired the
way her jeans
fit. Alex caught her looking and colored ever so
slightly. Glancing
over the top of her newspaper, Mrs. Cabot quirked an
eyebrow at the
two women and smiled behind the paper.
"Would you like to see the stables Olivia?"
/////////////////////
Alex had taken hold of two of Olivia's fingers as they
walked down to
the stables. Pushing back the doors, she led her inside
and was
surprised when Olivia stopped just inside the doors.
"What?"
"I uh, I've never really been in a barn before. And
the only horses
I've ever seen are the mounted police in Central
Park." Alex laughed
at her admission. "It's not that funny. I was
raised in the city you
know."
"No, I think it's sweet. My big, bad Detective is
afraid of the rural life."
"I am not afraid! I've just never been in one
before."
Leaning in to Olivia's personal space, Alex continued,
"Oh yes you
are! Just admit it Detective Benson!" When she
finished, their lips
were mere inches apart. Time slowed down as Olivia stood
perfectly
still, hands jammed in her pockets, waiting to see what
was about to
happen. She could feel Alex's warm breath on her face.
Alex turned her
head slightly and kissed Olivia on the cheek, quickly,
before pulling
back.
Olivia smiled at her and ventured further into the barn,
but still
kept a healthy distance from anything that looked like
it might hurt
her. Alex finally coaxed her to come over and pet an
aged horse named
Apples.
"Who rides them if you never come up for a
visit?"
"I come for visits, I just don't usually stay the
night. But I have
younger cousins who come most weekends and then a couple
of local
charities bring their clients for outings. It's called
horse therapy.
Would you like to ride?"
"No." Again Alex smiled at her.
"That's too bad Olivia. I was going to let you ride
with me and you'd
have had to hold on, being a novice and all."
Olivia looked dubious and glanced between Alex and the
horse and back
again. Reluctantly, she agreed and watched as Alex
expertly saddled up
the horse and mounted it. Alex held her hand out to
Olivia and the
detective shied away from the imposing beast.
"Olivia, give me your hand and plant your foot in
the stirrup and lift
yourself up." Olivia looked at her like she was
crazy and began
inspecting the horse before finally taking the younger
woman's hand.
After a couple of tries, she'd managed to get up on the
horse and
settle in behind Alex. "Very nice Olivia."
"Ha ha. Now what do I do?"
"Wrap your arms around me and hold on." Olivia
hesitated and Alex
sensed her discomfort. "It's ok Liv. It's not
sexual. I'll be fine, I
promise." Olivia loosely placed her hands on Alex's
waist and
concentrated on not falling off.
"Liv, you need to hold on tighter. I won't break
and I don't want you
to break by falling off." Finally relaxing into
Alex, she held on
tighter and tried to quell the nausea the up and down
motion of the
horse was causing.
After an hour of riding, Alex brought the horse to a
stop and slid off
the mare. Holding her hand out to Olivia, she helped the
other woman
down off the horse. Holding out her hand, she led Olivia
to a clearing
and pulled her down to sit next to her.
"I'm scared Olivia."
"Of what? Has he tried to contact you? Done
something else?"
"No. I'm just scared. I'm scared of being scared
and I'm scared of
going to trial." She looked at Olivia and shrugged
at the absurdity of
her comment. "An attorney scared of going to trail.
Pretty pathetic,
huh?"
"No. Policemen who get shot or attacked in the line
of duty often have
a hard time going back out into the field. Why would you
be any
different?" Gathering her thoughts, she turned to
look at Alex. "May I
share something with you? When this first happened and
I…forced a kiss
on you, I was having a hard time seeing you as a
victim…." At Alex's
hurt look, she clarified, "Alex, I know you are a
victim, it's not a
question of doubt. It's just that you are Alex. My Alex,
and that
means you kick ass and take no prisoners alive. I've
seen you mow down
witnesses and then go have lunch like nothing's ever
happened, so to
see you as fragile….a breakable human being, it's been
tough. I know
you've had issues with that as well and I think that's
part of the
hurdle you've had to get over to get through this. I'm
here for you no
matter what. And so is your mother." She smiled at
Alex's surprised
look.
"My own mother knew I was gay and never said
anything." Alex shook her
head. "Did your mother know anything about your
love of the fairer
sex?"
"My mother? God no. I don't know how she'd have
reacted to it. I told
you how she reacted to that student of hers I dated when
I was 16. She
had a possessive streak where I was concerned, so who
knows?" The
lapsed into silence for a while.
"Olivia?"
"Hmmmm?"
"I-I want to do something, ok?"
"O-kaaaay. What do you want to do?"
Alex moved in front of her. "I want you to hold
still and just let me
do this, ok?" Olivia nodded, figuring she knew what
was about to
happen. Alex braced herself against Olivia's upper arms
and
swallowing, she leaned in. Hesitating just a bit, she
smiled and
whispered, "Close your eyes please." Watching
as Olivia did just that,
she leaned in and softly kissed the brunette on the
lips. It was brief
and sweet, but slightly less than chaste in it's intent.
She blushed
as she drew back.
"Can I open my eyes now?"
"Yes. Thank you."
"No, thank you."
Olivia opted not to ride back on the horse and walked
beside Alex and Apples.
XXXXXXXXXX
They found Lenore Cabot baking cookies and Olivia was
only to eager to
help. Alex settled herself on the kitchen counter, much
to her
mother's displeasure and watched.
"Did you know Alex cooks, Lenore?" The elder
Cabot raised an eyebrow
at her daughter.
Embarrassed, Alex slid off the counter and busied
herself with looking
in the fridge. "Alex?"
"It's nothing Mom. Just a few soups and pancakes.
I'm not very good at
any of it."
"That's not true Alex. I love your gumbo and chili.
Your corn chowder,
now that's something else. But you do a good job."
Lenore Cabot wiped her hands and stood looking at her
daughter with
her hand on her hip. "I bet you're sorry now that
you quit going to
Mrs. Alley's cooking classes, aren't you?"
Alex shushed her mother and Olivia cocked her head to
the side. "You
took cooking classes?"
"No. I was forced into those hideous Mrs. Classes
along with all the
girls in my class at prep school. I found them to be a
waste of time
and refused to go."
"Apparently not before you learned a thing or two
dear." Turning her
attention to Olivia, Mrs. Cabot continued, "She
looked so cute when
she stormed out of the class, after it was suggested her
husband might
enjoy a home cooked meal every once in a while."
"You make it sound so noble Mother. They
practically insisted that we
learn how to cook and push out babies to prove our value
to the
world!" Olivia grinned at her and Mrs. Cabot
chuckled. "Anyway, I may
just take a cooking class. Olivia can't survive on the
six total meals
I can make, and she doesn't get home in time to
cook."
Mrs. Cabot went over to the pantry and pulled out
several old
cookbooks and placed them in front of Alex. "These
were your
grandmother Cabot's and she handed them down to me and
now I am giving
them to you."
"You never cooked Mom."
"Excuse me? We didn't always have household help
Alex. When your
father and I were first married, he went through a
rebellious phase
and denounced his families money. He was Hell bent on
making it
himself, and I am proud to say, he did. It was only when
I became
pregnant with you that he relented and took his trust
fund money. He'd
have done anything for you."
"Oh. Mom, do you think Daddy would have been proud
of me? Been ok
with….with who I am?"
Mrs. Cabot hugged her daughter. "He loved you and
that love knew no
bounds. Yes, he would have been proud of you. He'd
probably even had
one of those flags on his car. You know, that rainbow
flag?" Alex
laughed at the image of her father's chauffeur driven
car sporting a
rainbow flag sticker.
XXXXXXXXXX
As they settled in for the night, Alex asked Olivia to
read to her.
"I just want to hear your voice. It's been a good
day and I want to go
to sleep hearing you."
"I didn't bring anything to read Alex. Is there
anything in here?"
Alex dug around in the night stand drawer and laughing,
she pulled out
some old magazines. She held one out to Olivia who also
laughed.
"16 and TigerBeat? Has your mother thrown nothing
out?"
"Apparently not. God I forgot all about
these."
"Well let's see just what Rick Springfield and the
Brat Pack liked to
have for breakfast and whose favorite color was
purple."
////////////////////////////
Alex and her mother took a walk around the house before
they were
scheduled to leave,
"Alex, I love you and I will love you no matter
what. Whatever comes
out at this trial, don't worry about it. Be proud of who
you are and
what you are. You have someone who loves you very much.
Don't take
that for granted and let her be there for you. Ok?"
Alex nodded and hugged her mother, before getting in the
car.
9
The
drive home was quiet, with Alex dozing as Olivia drove.
As they neared the city, Olivia woke her.
“Do
you want to stop and get something to eat?” Sleepily,
Alex nodded and Olivia took the next exit. They stopped
at a Burger King and as they sat eating, Olivia watched
the kids running around the play area outside. Alex
followed her line of sight and smiled.
Olivia
took a bite of her Whopper when Alex asked, “Do you
want children?” Choking on her burger, she coughed and
hacked until Alex thought she was going to have to do
the heimlach maneuver.
“What?”
Alex watched as Olivia’s face went from red to normal
again.
“I
asked if you want children?” She wasn’t looking at
Olivia, but was salting her already salty fries.
“Uhm.
Well, not right now. Maybe later? Or maybe never? What
about you?”
“No.
I have nothing against kids and I love all of my
cousin’s kids, but with what we see in our jobs, I
just don’t want to subject another child to this
world. Do you understand?” Olivia nodded. “But if
you want one, really want one, we could talk about it
later.”
Seeing
the look that crossed Olivia’s face, Alex was afraid
she’d gone to far. “I’m sorry Olivia. I just
thought we were on the same page, long term and all.”
“We
are! I just, well, it’s still sort of new for me to be
thinking about the long term relationship. You know, as
in forever. But it’s what I want. You’re what I want
and I want us to do this right.” She smiled at Alex
and touched the blonde’s hand.
XXXXXXXXXX
They
arrived home to a flashing light on the answering
machine. Olivia pressed play while Alex lugged all of
the cookbooks her mother had given her into the kitchen.
“Alex,
it’s Serena. I need for you to give me a call
tomorrow. It’s…sort of important, but not important
enough for you to call me during the weekend.”
Olivia
scribbled down the note and waited for the next message
to play. The other two messages were of no importance,
so she deleted them.
She
gave Alex the message and they went about their nightly
routine of getting ready for the next day. As Alex got
up to go to bed, she bent and kissed Olivia on the
cheek. She left the Detective sitting on the couch,
smiling.
Olivia’s
glee was short lived as she tried to settle in on the
lumpy couch. She decided a trip to the furniture store
was in order.
XXXXXXXXX
Alex
called Serena the next morning and agreed to meet with
her later that day. She also needed to stop by and see
Liz regarding some pending cases.
After
showering, she remembered that she needed to call her
therapist and make an appointment.
After
making all of her appointments, Alex got ready and went
to see first Liz and then Serena.
“Alex.
Here to see Serena?” Alex nodded and took a seat in
front of Liz’s desk. Giving the attorney the once
over, Liz nodded. “You look better. Life at Olivia’s
must agree with you.” Alex sat silently and stared at
her boss. Liz returned the stare and raised an eyebrow.
“No reply to that?” Alex shrugged. “Detective
Benson has a one bedroom, doesn’t she?”
Alex
huffed and stood up. “Why don’t you just make your
point Liz? Ask what you really want to know.”
“Ok.
How do you think the fact that you’re shacked up with
someone, a woman no less, is going to play out at trial?
This office will stand behind you Alex, but you’re not
making it easy. You have a future Alex. A bright future
and I’m urging you to exercise sound judgment.”
Alex
could feel her anger building. Clenching her jaw, she
stood and regarded Liz Donnelly. “ My relationship
with Olivia, whatever it may be, is none of your
business. If my relationship with Olivia were a romantic
one, then I would count myself lucky that I didn’t end
up alone, like you.”
Alex
stormed out of the office and strode in the direction of
her office, where Serena had taken up temporary
residence. She opened the door and entered without
knocking, surprising Serena. She flopped down on the
couch and pursed her lips.
“Problem
Alex?”
She told
Serena about her conversation with Liz. Serena listened
quietly and then leaned back in her chair. As the
silence grew, Alex leaned forward.
“What?”
“She
has a point Alex. You know that.”
“No.
No I don’t. I know that Olivia has been a good friend
and opened her home to me. I am not sleeping with her,
not even platonically.” She glanced out the window and
back at Serena. “I don’t need this crap.”
Alex
stood to leave and Serena did as well. “Wait. Alex,
you know how this is going to play out. Are you up to
this?”
“Hell
yes.”
Serena
nodded. “Let’s get to work then.”
XXXXXXXXXX
After
finishing with Serena, she swung by her apartment and
picked up her mail. Arriving back at Olivia’s, she
began sorting through the mail and playing the messages
on the answering machine.
“Hey,
it’s me. I won’t be home until later tonight.
Don’t bother cooking.”
Erasing
the message, she opened one of the envelopes and read
the letter. Swearing, she went into Olivia’s bedroom
and shut the door.
XXXXXXXXX
Olivia
found her there when she came home that night. “Alex?
You ok?”
Without
moving, Alex replied, “It’s been a bad day. How was
yours?”
Olivia
sat down on the bed, with her back against the
headboard. Alex plopped her head into Olivia’s lap and
wrapped her left arm around the brunette’s legs.
“Sweetheart,
what’s wrong?”
Burrowing
deeper into Olivia’s lap, she answered, “I saw Liz
today.” As Alex recounted her visit to the Executive
ADA, Olivia could feel her anger building. She made a
note to pay a visit to Liz Donnelly.
“How’d
the meeting with Serena go?”
Alex
shrugged. “It was ok.” Olivia hesitated before
running her hand through Alex’s hair. When the blonde
didn’t seem to mind, she added her other hand.
“Anything
else happen?” Alex pointed in the direction of the
nightstand and Olivia saw the letter. Picking it up she
read it and frowned. “If you’d like, I can go with
you. I should probably get tested anyway.”
Alarmed,
Alex raised up and looked at Olivia. “Why? Did you and
Frank…or any of the other men, have unprotected
sex?”
Olivia
shook her head. “Relax sweetie. It’s been a very
long time since I’ve had unsafe sex, and I’ve been
tested several times since then.” Alex raised up again
and looked at Olivia before settling back into her lap.
“I usually get tested after I end and before I begin a
relationship.”
“Oh.”
“Have
you ever been tested?”
“No.
There’s not really been a reason to. I would like it
if you’d come with me.”
Olivia
resumed playing with Alex’s hair. “We’ll go to a
clinic. What are your plans for tomorrow?”
“I
have to meet with Serena again, then see my therapist
late tomorrow. Maybe we could have lunch and then go get
tested?”
XXXXXXXXX
Olivia
made her way down the hall toward Liz Donnelly’s
office. She knocked once and not waiting for an
invitation, she walked into the office.
“Detective
Benson, what a surprise. Have you come to defend the
honor of your girlfriend?”
“I
don’t have a girlfriend, but if I did, then yes, I’d
defend her. What I do have is a friend named Alex that
you seem Hell bent on torturing. Alex is far too fragile
for any type of romantic relationship right now, but
when she is ready, I will be there.”
Liz
Donnelly raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms.
“Detective Benson, what makes you think you can give
Alex what she needs? She has political ambitions. A
girlfriend won’t get her far, and especially not one
as….rough around the edges as you are.”
Olivia’s
stance widened and she set her eyes on Donnelly.
“What’s the matter Liz? Jealous that she got to me
when you couldn’t? Or that I got to her before you
could? Or maybe it’s both?” Leaning in, she
continued, “Women like Alex don’t come along every
day.” Cocking her head to the side she added, “Come
to think of it, neither do women like me. But then,
you’ll never know, will you? Now, leave Alex alone.”
Satisfied, she left Donnelly’s office and headed for
Alex’s.
“Touche
Detective Benson.” Shaking her head, she resumed
working on her paperwork.
XXXXXXXXX
“I
think we’re ready Alex. Any questions?” Alex shook
her head no and began to fidget as she looked at her
watch. “Waiting for something….or someone?”
Alex
rolled her eyes. “Olivia and I have…an appointment.
I don’t want to be late.” Just as she finished her
statement, Olivia knocked on the door.
Serena
smiled as she watched the two women leave the office.
She watched the gentleness that Olivia used where Alex
was concerned and the way Alex naturally yielded to
Olivia. Alex,
you’ve met your mate.
XXXXXXXX
Alex
paced in the counseling room at the clinic as she
answered the woman’s questions. More than a little
irritated at the intrusion into her private life, she
lashed out, “I don’t know why I have to be tested.
He did not fully penetrate me!”
Olivia
stood and steered her back to the chair in front of the
woman’s desk. “Sweetie, we discussed this
already….”
“Yes
I know. Even pre ejaculate can carry the virus, blah,
blah, blah. It’s just…degrading. I’ve never had
sex with a man, yet here I am getting a fucking HIV
test. Damn I was so stupid!”
“Alex,
blaming yourself isn’t….”
“I’m
not one of your victims Olivia!”
Olivia
glanced at the counselor and back at Alex. “Sweetie,
you are a victim, like it or not. Let’s just get our
blood drawn and in two days we’ll know we are both
clean and this will be one more thing behind us. Ok?”
Grudgingly she nodded and sat back down.
XXXXXXXXX
Alex
was quiet during lunch and Olivia was at a loss as to
what to say to her.
“Can
you bring dinner tonight? I don’t think I’m going to
feel like cooking.”
“Ok.
Any idea what you might like to have?”
“Just
bring whatever Liv.”
Olivia
covered Alex’s hand and squeezed as she smiled at the
blonde. “Hey, don’t look so down. We’ll get
through this.” Alex managed a small smile. “There is
something I should tell you. I went to see Liz today.”
“What?
Why?”
“I
don’t like the way she treated you yesterday.”
Taking a drink of water, she continued, “Besides,
I’ve had it in for her ever since she didn’t want to
take no for an answer.”
Alex’s
head whipped around. “What? You slept with Liz? Is
there anybody you haven’t slept with?” Realizing
what she’d said, Alex covered her mouth. “I didn’t
mean that. What you’ve done in the past is in the
past.”
Olivia
sighed. “Yes you did Alex. You meant every word you
said, and I’m sorry that my past is not lily white. To
answer the question, Hell no I didn’t sleep with Liz
Donnelly, and that’s my problem with her. She was
tipsy and I said no. The next time she wasn’t tipsy
and I said no. The third time she groped me during a
Christmas party and forced her tongue into my mouth. I
bit down and she never tried again. And by the way,
she’s just as interested in you as she ever was in
me.”
Olivia
had to smile as it was Alex who dropped her fork this
time. “What? But she’s not gay. I mean, I can
understand her wanting you, but….”
Olivia
laughed. “Alex, she may not be gay but she’s not
straight either. She’s a switch hitter at best.”
“Well,
she can’t have me. And I don’t want her or anybody
else touching you. You’re off the market. And I’m
sorry, but I am a jealous person.”
Olivia
smiled at her and finished eating lunch. What neither
woman noticed was the nondescript man sitting near them,
get up and leave.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Alex
had been quiet all evening and as they got ready for
bed, Olivia sat as she had many nights before. As
she’d done the previous evening, Alex settled her head
into Olivia’s lap and wrapped her arm around her legs.
Stroking
her hair, Olivia asked, “Are you scared about
tomorrow?” Alex nodded. “I’ll be there and so will
your mother.”
Sighing,
Alex answered, “I know. I just…I wish it was over.
Actually, I wish I’d had the guts to tell you how I
felt that night and then maybe this wouldn’t have
happened.”
Olivia
rubbed her back. “Oh sweetie. I wish I hadn’t been
with Frank or that I’d have followed my instincts and
gone to your apartment, or pressed you a little harder
the next day. Anything to have stopped what happened.”
Stroking the side of Alex’s face she said, “I love
you Alex.”
Alex
turned in Olivia’s lap and looked up at her. “I love
you too. So much that it scares me. I haven’t had the
best of luck relationship wise Olivia, you know that.
And I really don’t trust my judgment where people are
concerned anymore, not after Chris. But I want this.
I’ve wanted it for so long and now I’m scared to
think it might actually happen. I may not trust myself
Olivia, but I trust you.” Olivia continued stroking
her face. “My trust is very special Olivia. Please
don’t betray it. Too many people in the past have.”
“I’ll
do my best Alex to never hurt you intentionally.” Alex
turned back over and Olivia resumed rubbing her back.
She held Alex until she fell asleep and then retired to
the couch.
XXXXXXXXX
Olivia
found Alex in the bedroom, trying on and taking off
various outfits. She turned around as Alex removed her
blouse. Realizing she was not alone, Alex stood in just
her bra and pants looking surprised.
“Liv…”
Without
turning around she answered, “Yeah Alex?”
“Uh,
nothing. I just, well, you surprised me. Uhm, I can’t
decide what to wear.”
Olivia
was trying to block the image of a half dressed Alex
Cabot out of her mind. Stuffing her hands into her
pockets, she said, “Uh, well, if you’ll put a shirt
on, I’ll give you my opinion.”
Alex
glanced down at her chest and back in the direction of
Olivia. “Oh. Sorry.” She hurriedly shoved her arms
into a silk blouse and buttoned it up. Smoothing out the
wrinkles, she said, “How’s this?”
Swallowing
hard, Olivia nodded and croaked out, “Looks fine. I
mean, you look fine.”
XXXXXXXXXX
Olivia,
Alex and her mother were waiting outside the courtroom
when Alex tensed up.
“What
Alex?”
She
pointed down the hall as she lowered her head. Following
Alex’s finger, she saw Chris Jenkins staring back at
them. She was somewhat surprised when she realized he
was smirking at her.
She
shot a glare down the hall at him and felt her anger
rise when he didn’t look away. She turned and started
in his direction, but Alex’s hand stopped her.
“Please don’t. I…I would like it very much if you
would stay with me.” Olivia knew Alex meant, I
need you to stay with me, but would never say that
in front of her mother.
“Ok.
But if he keeps looking at you, I will arrest him for
stalking.” Alex grinned at her and settled back on the
bench to wait for her turn to testify.
“Detective
Olivia Benson.” She stood and gave Alex and her mother
a smile before walking into the courtroom.
After
they’d dispensed with all the usual preliminaries and
standard information, Trevor Langan wasted no time in
going after Olivia.
“Detective
Benson, how long have you known Miss Cabot?”
“I’ve
known ADA Cabot for three years.”
“And
in that time have you ever known her to date…a man?”
“Objection!
Relevance?” Olivia watched Serena’s pale skin turn
red as she bore her eyes into Trevor.
“I’m
getting to that your honor.”
“Make
it quick Mr. Langan.”
“Uh,
no, I haven’t but then we don’t usually discuss our
love lives.”
“I
see. Detective Benson, isn’t it true that Miss Cabot
is currently staying with you in your one bedroom
apartment?”
“Yes,
she is. It’s not uncommon for sexual assault
victims…”
“Thank
you Detective. Would you say your relationship with Miss
Cabot is of an intimate nature?”
“Objection!
Relevance? Detective Benson is not on trial for
attempted rape, Mr. Jenkins is.”
“Withdrawn.
Nothing further your honor.”
After
Olivia, they broke for lunch and Elliot, Olivia, Alex
and Mrs. Cabot all ate at a diner close to the
courthouse. Olivia noticed Alex was quiet and carefully
lay her hand atop the blonde’s.
“Everything
ok?”
Alex
managed a half smile. “Just thinking about testifying.
With the questions you said he asked you after all the
factual stuff, I can only imagine what’s in store for
me. I’m just nervous I guess.”
“Alexandra,
be proud of who you are and what you are. The truth is
on your side.”
“Thanks
Mom.”
XXXXXXXXXXXX
“Did
you say ‘No’?”
“Yes.
I said NO, I said STOP. I said WAIT.” Swallowing hard
she finished, “I even said please.”
Serena
nodded and took her seat. Alex waited while Trevor took
his time approaching her.
“Miss
Cabot, prior to the night in question, were you sexually
active with my client, Mr. Jenkins?”
“No.”
“So
this was your first time in bed with my client?”
“Yes.”
“The
injuries you received that night, what were they?”
“A
concussion, broken cartilage in the tip of my nose,
scrapes and bruises.”
“Wasn’t
there something else?” He motioned to the bottom of
the document. Alex lowered her head and blushed. “Miss
Cabot?”
Alex
raised her head and stared defiantly at Trevor. “A
partially torn hymen.”
“How
old are you Miss Cabot?”
“31.”
“31.
Do you have a strong religious faith Miss Cabot?”
“No,
not particularly.”
“Yet
you have never had sexual intercourse with a man,
correct? I mean, that is why you still have an intact
hymen, right?”
“Yes.”
“Miss
Cabot, are you a virgin?”
“Objection!
Approach your honor.”
Serena
and Trevor stood before judge Petrovsky. “Your Honor,
Miss Cabot’s sexual history can not be put on
trial.”
Looking
smug, Trevor countered, “Miss Cabot opened the door
when she acknowledged the partially torn hymen. It is
our contention that Miss Cabot never intended to engage
in sexual intercourse with my client.”
“What?
Are you serious? Your defense is what? That Alex lured
your client into the bedroom so she could frame him for
attempted rape?”
Petrovsky
looked at Trevor with disgust. “Well Mr. Langan?”
“Your
Honor, I have a good faith basis for my line of
questioning. If you force me to reveal any more, my
clients defense could be seriously compromised.”
“You’re
walking a very thin line Mr. Langan.”
XXXXXXX
“Answer
the question Miss Cabot.”
Alex
shifted and once again looked Trevor in the eye. “No,
I am not.”
“You
have an intact hymen, by your own admission you’ve
never had intercourse with a man, yet you are not a
virgin. Have you ever engaged in any type of sexual
activity with a man Miss Cabot.”
“No.”
“So
by process of elimination, is it safe to say you’ve
had sex with a woman?”
“Yes.”
“I
see. So you’re a lesbian?”
“Objection!
Relevance?”
“Overruled.”
“Yes
I am.”
“Then
why did you ask my client to your home, your bed that
night? Did you ever intend on having sex with him, or
was it an attempt to make your girlfriend, Detective
Benson jealous?”
“Objection!”
“Approach
your honor?”
Alex
felt her anger boil over and she sought out Olivia’s
face in the courtroom. Finding it, they exchanged a
brief look, before Alex returned her gaze to Trevor.
“Your
Honor, Detective Benson was present during the rape kit,
she is sharing her one bedroom home with Miss Cabot, and
I have information that proves they are engaged in a
relationship.”
Petrovsky
pursed her lips before giving Trevor a disgusted look.
“You are
on a short leash Mr. Langan.”
“Answer
the question Miss Cabot.”
“No.
At the time of my assault, Detective Benson was dating a
man named Frank.”
“And
now? What is that status of your relationship with
Detective Benson?”
“Objection!
Relevance?”
“Your
Honor, Detective Benson was the lead investigator on
this case, present during the rape kit, and currently
co-habitating with Miss Cabot. The integrity of the
investigation is in question.”
“I’ll
allow it.”
“Detective
Benson is a good friend who has been very generous by
opening her home to me at a time when I have not felt
safe staying by myself. She is also trained as a rape
counselor, which has been a Godsend to me.”
“Are
you in love with her?”
“Objection!”
“Overruled.”
Alex
hesitated, looked at her mother and then answered,
“Yes.”
“So
you’re sleeping with her?”
“No.”
“I’d
like to remind you of the penalty for perjury.”
“No.
Thanks to your client I can’t even stand to be
touched!”
“Did
you have lunch with Detective Benson yesterday?”
“Yes.”
“Did
you or did you not make the following comment: “Well,
she can’t have me. And I don’t want her or anybody
else touching you. You’re off the market. And I’m
sorry, but I am a jealous person,” to Detective
Benson?”
“Yes,
but…”
“Thank
you Miss Cabot. So again, are you sleeping with
Detective Benson?”
“No.”
“Then
where does she sleep in that one bedroom apartment when
you are there, which has been almost every night since
the alleged attack?”
“On
the couch. Again, I can’t stand to be touched thanks
to your client.”
Somewhat
surprised, Trevor stalked back to his side of the
courtroom and took a seat.
“Redirect
your Honor?” Petrovsky nodded. “Miss Cabot, in what
context was the above conversation?”
Alex
blushed again before answering, “A…mutual
acquaintance had previously expressed an interest in
Olivia, Detective Benson, and I was stating my rights
where she is concerned.”
“And
what are those rights?”
“I…don’t
know, but I do know I don’t want anybody touching her
if I can’t.”
“And
why can’t you touch her?”
“Because
of what Chris Jenkins did to me. I can’t even kiss
Olivia or share a bed, in a platonic way, with her. It
scares me to have someone close. The thought of trusting
someone again scares me.”
XXXXXXXXX
They
took a ten minute break after Serena finished her
re-direct of Alex. Alex and her mother stood just
outside the courtroom talking as Chris Jenkins and
Trevor Langan walked by. Mrs. Cabot noticed her daughter
shivered and took her hand.
Alex
saw Olivia looking for them and called out, “Liv! Over
here.”
Chris
Jenkins’ head snapped around and he watched as Olivia
and Alex stood talking. He motioned for Trevor to follow
him and they disappeared around the corner.
XXXXXXXXX
“Your
Honor, I’d like to re-call Miss Cabot. I have some new
information that just came to light.”
“Very
well.”
Trevor
picked up a copy of the police report and handed it to
Alex.
“Miss
Cabot, what does this say?”
“Suspect
states that victim said, “Help me live” during the
alleged attack.”
“Is
that spelled correctly?”
“Excuse
me?”
“Should
it be, “help me live” or “help me Liv,” spelled L-I-V, as in short for
Olivia?”
Alex
felt the tears burning her eyes as she recalled the
memory of what prompted that response.
“L-I-V.”
“So
you were thinking of Detective Benson during this
alleged attack, correct?”
Alex
covered her eyes and nodded. ”Miss Cabot, please use a
verbal response.”
“Yes.”
“That’s
all.”
As
soon as she was excused, Alex hurried from the stand and
left the courtroom. Olivia tried to follow, but by the
time anyone realized what was happening, Alex had
disappeared.
Mrs.
Cabot and Elliot joined her out in the hall.
Alex
ran down the steps of the courthouse and flagged down a
cab. Hopping in, she gave the address for her apartment.
She tossed some bills at the cabbie and went straight to
the garage. She got in her car and headed out of the
city, going no where in particular. Her phone began
ringing and she shut it off.
XXXXXXXXXX
Olivia
swore as Alex’s phone went straight to voicemail.
“Olivia,
give her some time. I know my daughter and right now she
feels vulnerable, like she’s been violated again.”
Olivia
bit her tongue to keep from saying what she really
wanted to say, opting for, “It worries me when I
don’t know where she is.” And
this is the second time she’s done this and I don’t
like it.
XXXXXXXXXX
A
few hours later, Alex pulled up in front of her
mother’s house and was met by George.
“Miss
Alex, will you be staying the night?”
“Uh,
yes, I suppose I will.”
Alex
made her way into the house and headed for the kitchen.
Looking for something to do, she found a cookbook and
flipped through until she came across a brownie recipe.
XXXXXXXXXXX
Lenore
Cabot had left the courthouse not long after her
daughter, headed back to East Amherst.
She
found Alex bent over a mixing bowl, cook book open on
the counter. She waited until she finished with the
mixer before speaking.
“So
this is where you ran off to?”
Startled,
Alex turned to face her mother. Lenore Cabot smiled at
the sight of her daughter, glasses speckled in flour,
hair in a ponytail.
“Mom…”
She immediately dropped her head.
“Alexandra,
look at me.”
Slowly
she raised her head, still unable to meet her mother’s
eyes.
“Have
you called Olivia?”
“No.”
She went back to adding ingredients to the bowl.
Lenore
Cabot walked over to her daughter and handed her the
portable phone.
“Call
her. She’s worried about you and you owe her the
courtesy of a call.”
“And
say what? Why yes Olivia, I was thinking of you while in
bed with a man? I called out to you for help while I was
about to be raped?”
“Yes.”
Alex
poured the batter into the baking pan and placed it into
the oven.
“No.
There are things you don’t know Mother.”
“Such
as?”
“Olivia
feels responsible for the…victims she encounters. Like
it or not, that’s me and she’ll beat herself up over
this. Not to mention the fact that I feel like such a
fool. Going to bed with someone I could never…love.
Maybe Trevor’s right. Maybe I did cause this.”
Lenore
Cabot walked over to Alex and pulled her into a hug, not
letting go when she tried to break free. “Listen to me
Alex. I don’t care if you were buck naked and humping
like wild dogs, the minute you asked him to stop, he
should have. You are not the first, and I dare say not
the last woman to think of someone else while in bed
with a man. Or a woman I suppose.” Alex caught her
mother’s look.
“What?”
Lenore
motioned for her to sit down at the table. A few years
after your father’s death, I met someone who
interested me. I was lonely and things progressed. The
one and only time we were together, I thought of your
father the entire time. Told myself it was him I was
making love to. Needless to say, that relationship was
doomed and there hasn’t been anyone since.” Her
mother looked away and when she looked back, Alex saw
unshed tears in her eyes. “I felt as though I’d
betrayed your father. I still do on some level.”
“Daddy’s
been dead for over ten years Mom. It’s ok if you…”
Alex motioned with her hands.
“And
if, God forbid, Olivia were killed tonight, how would
you react?”
Alex
shook her head. “Don’t say that. She’s a cop.”
“So
why don’t you call her so she doesn’t sit around
tonight worrying about you?”
Alex
took the phone and went into her father’s study. Mrs.
Cabot checked on the brownies and grimaced at the lumps
she saw in the batter.
XXXXXXXXX
“Benson.”
“It’s
me.”
Olivia
felt relief mixed with some anger. “Are you ok? And
just where are you?”
“I’m
at my mother’s. I just ended up here. I’m sorry if
you were worried.”
“Why
did you run Alex? More importantly, why did you shut off
your phone?” Shut
me out?
Alex
draped her legs over the arm of her father’s chair and
swiveled around. “I’m embarrassed. I…I thought
about you while I was with him. And not just that night
either. He used to kiss me and I would pretend it was
you kissing me. That night….that night I convinced
myself it was you I was going to be making love to. I
didn’t…I didn’t want you to know. Or anybody and
that damn Trevor…now the whole world knows.”
Olivia
sighed as she settled in on the couch. “Alex, please
promise me you won’t run anymore if something like
this happens. Please? If we are going to make this work,
we have to be able to talk. About any and every thing.
OK?”
Alex
sniffed into the phone and Olivia cursed herself for
making the blonde cry. “Please don’t cry.”
“I’m
not. Crying I mean. I’m just a little weepy. Liv, this
is new for me. I just don’t have that much
relationship experience. I’m used to only counting on
myself, answering only to myself. I’m sorry.”
“It’s
ok sweetie. We’ve both got a lot to learn. Are you
going to be ok at your Mom’s tonight?”
Alex
felt herself relax. “Yes. I’m actually baking
brownies. So if your good, I’ll bring you some
tomorrow.”
“I’d
like that.” They sat in silence for a few minutes,
just listening to the other one breath. Feeling lighter,
Olivia said, “Alex?”
“Hmmm?”
“You’re
not the only one who’s thought of someone else while
with another.”
“Oh?
You’ve done that before?”
Olivia
sighed. “You really are a novice at this, aren’t
you?” Not waiting for her to answer, she forged ahead.
“Ever notice that Fireman Frank had blond hair and
blue eyes?”
“You
thought of me?”
“Duh.
I used to squint my eyes so that I could only see his
eyes, and I’d pretend they were yours.” She didn’t
tell her about the other flings she’d had with blond
hair, blue eyed men and women.
Alex
perked up at this new found knowledge. “Really?
That’s…sweet Olivia. Thank you.”
XXXXXXXXXXXX
After
she hung-up with Alex, Olivia realized she could either
sleep on the lumpy couch or strip off naked and sleep in
her own bed. She chose the latter.
Alex
emerged from the study to find her mother taking her
brownies out of the oven. Lenore Cabot took in her
daughter’s relaxed posture and smiled to herself.
“How’s
Olivia?”
“She’s
good. We’re good.” Alex hugged her and sniffed at
her brownies. “How’d they turn out?”
“Uh,
you may want to mix the batter a bit longer next time,
but they seem to be edible.”
Taking
a bite, Alex was oblivious to what her mother was
talking about, and went to her old room to find
something to sleep in.
She
tried to settle into her old bed, but the room seemed
lonely without Olivia and soon she was knocking on her
mother’s door, and climbing into bed with her.
XXXXXXXXXXX
Olivia
slipped beneath the sheets and stretched out. Rolling
onto her left side she found the pillow Alex slept on.
Curling up to it, she inhaled Alex’s new scent. She
felt herself becoming aroused and realized she had not
felt this way since the night of Alex’s attack. The
more deeply she breathed in, the more aroused she became
until finally she rolled onto her back and abandoned
Alex’s pillow. Sighing in frustration, she let her
hand fall between her legs and began to stroke. She
quickly gave up as she realized that she was in the bed
Alex slept in every night. Somehow, it did
not seem right to be doing that where her beloved
slept. She considered going back to the couch, taking
care of things and then coming back to bed, but gave up
on that idea. She decided she’d suffer in silence.
Rolling onto her left side, she closed her eyes and
drifted off.
XXXXXXXXXX
Alex
left East Amherst at the unholy hour of 4am, lumpy
brownies in tow.
She
wanted to see Olivia before she went to work and lead
footed it all the way to the city. She arrived at
Olivia’s around 7:30 and hoped she wasn’t too late
to see Olivia.
She
let herself into the apartment and found it to be quiet,
and the blanket still neatly folded on the couch. She
groaned as she realized she must have missed her and
went into the bedroom, where she found Olivia curled on
her side, dead to the world.
She
also noticed the covers were exposing enough skin for
her to know Olivia was naked. She thought back to that
day on the couch when she’d first learned Olivia’s
favorite sleeping attire was nothing.
She
shook her shoulder and smiled as Olivia began to wake
up. The brunette stretched, revealing even more of her
body, causing Alex to color slightly. Realizing what she
was staring at, she quickly wrapped the sheet around
her.
“Sorry.
I wasn’t expecting you back so early.”
“Obviously.”
Alex smiled at her as she took hold of the sheet. “May
I look at you?”
Olivia
swallowed hard and slightly nodded. She held still as
Alex lowered the sheet, revealing her naked form. Alex
reached out her finger and touched the tip of Olivia’s
breast, drawing a sharp intake of breath from her
Detective.
Alex
ran her eyes from Olivia’s chest down her body to the
patch of dark hair between her legs. She lingered there
momentarily before travelling on down to Olivia’s
toned thighs and legs.
Olivia
watched Alex watching her and noted the younger woman
was looking at her with an almost clinical eye, mixed
with something else. Alex turned her head and rose to
her feet.
“I’ll
fix you breakfast.”
Confused,
Olivia watched Alex leave the room. She started to
follow, but thought better of it as she realized she was
still naked, a little moist from Alex’s gaze. She
hurried into the shower and less than ten minutes later,
she was showered, dressed and moving into the kitchen.
Alex
was tossing something into the garbage can and had the
exhaust fan running.
“Alex?”
“I
burnt the damn eggs. You’ll have to get something on
the way to work, unless you want to eat brownies for
breakfast.” Alex slammed the skillet into the sink.
“Hey,
what’s wrong?”
“I
didn’t feel anything.”
“What
do you mean?”
“Looking
at you. I didn’t feel anything! Do you have any idea
how long I’ve dreamed of seeing you naked? And now,
now I’ve seen you and I didn’t feel anything and
it’s all his fault!”
Alex
had turned the water in the sink on and was thrashing
about as she said this. Olivia shut the water off and
taking her hands, she turned the younger woman to face
her.
“Alex
it’s not unusual for people who’ve been through what
you’ve been through to have a flat affect. It’s
ok.”
“No
it’s not Olivia. You don’t understand! I used to get
wet just looking at you from across the courtroom! Hell,
the courthouse even. And now? Now I actually get to see
that fabulous body of yours and…..nothing. I hate
him!”
With
a slight hesitation, Olivia pulled Alex to her and
hugged her. Alex stiffened for the slightest of moments
before falling into Olivia’s embrace. Olivia rubbed
her back and stroked her hair.
“It’s
ok Counselor. It’s ok.”
Alex
allowed herself to relax into Olivia’s embrace further
and rested her head on the Detective’s shoulder. They
stood that way until Olivia felt something at the base
of her throat. It took a moment before she realized what
it was.
Alex
gently pressed her lips to Olivia’s throat and growing
bolder, she worked her way up to Olivia’s lips. Olivia
watched as Alex licked her lips and then leaned in and
claimed her lips.
She
was tentative at first, but growing bolder, she took
Olivia’s head in her hands and worked her tongue into
the brunette’s mouth.
With
an urgency she was unaware of, Alex pressed Olivia back
against the kitchen counter. She brought her hands to
Olivia’s shirt and unbuttoned the first button. Olivia
took her hands and gently pushed her back.
“What?”
“No
sweetie. No.”
Looking
hurt, Alex asked, “What? Why not?”
Olivia
ran her hand through Alex’s hair and cupped her cheek.
“Sweetie, you’re not ready for this.”
Anger
flashed in Alex’s eyes as she jerked away from Olivia.
“Don’t tell me what I am and am not ready for
Olivia. I think I know better than you or anyone
else.”
Olivia
sighed and moved closer to Alex. “Not fifteen minutes
ago you were upset because you saw me naked and felt
nothing. We just made out and Alex; your face isn’t
flushed, your lips aren’t swollen and your eyes
aren’t dilated. If this is how you look when you’re
aroused…”
Alex
crossed her arms and turned her back. “I can do this
Olivia. I can.”
Easing
up behind the blonde, she carefully slipped her arms
around Alex’s waist and pulled her back against her.
“Sweetie,
if you have to talk yourself into it, you’re not
ready. What’s the rush?”
Alex
turned in her embrace and rested her forehead against
Olivia’s. “I just want to be normal again. When I
saw you and didn’t feel any of the things I used to
feel, it scared me. I’m afraid…I won’t ever feel
them again.”
“Oh
sweetie, you will. But let’s not force it. I’m not
going anywhere and I hope you aren’t either?”
Alex
shook her head. “I’m not. I promise.”
“I
need to get going to work. What do you have on tap for
today?”
Alex
stepped around her and began bagging some brownies. “I
need to see Serena and then I’m going by the community
center. To sign up for a cooking class.”
Smiling,
Olivia kissed her hand. “I think that’s great. What
type of cooking class?”
“I’m
not sure yet. They’re offering several different ones.
Is there any particular type of food you do or don’t
like?”
“Indian?”
She quickly leaned in and kissed Alex on the lips before
taking the offered bag of brownies and leaving for the
day.
XXXXXXXXX
Olivia
plopped the bag of brownies down on her desk and went in
search of coffee. When she returned, she found both
Munch and Fin, as well as Elliot, pilfering through the
bag of brownies.
“Looking
for something guys?”
“You
bakin’ brownies now Liv?”
Snatching
the bag she shook her head no and sat down. “Alex made
them for me.”
Munch
nudged Fin. “Told you so.”
“What
does that mean?” Olivia glanced from Munch to Fin to
Elliot.
“She’s
your girlfriend and you have no culinary skills I am
aware of, so…”
Scowling
at Munch she snapped, “Who told you she was my
girlfriend?”
Fin
and Munch eyed each other before muttering, “Oops.”
“Oops?
What the Hell does that mean?”
Elliot
slid a copy of The Ledger across his desk to her.
Groaning she opened it and saw the headline: ADA Cabot
Admits to Lesbian Affair With SVU Detective.
“We
are not having an affair! Damn it!” Scanning the
article, she saw that it was written by Nick Ganzner.
“That son-of-a-bitch!”
“What
Liv?” Elliot picked up the paper and re-read the
article.
“See
who wrote that article? Recognize that name?”
Fin,
Munch and Elliot leaned over the paper and looked for
the name. “That name sounds familiar Liv. Why?”
“That
reporter I went out with a few years ago? The one during
the subway stalker case? Wanted to role play raping me
in the bedroom?”
“And
almost cost you your badge because he stole info about
the case and then ran it?” Olivia nodded. “Prick.”
“Oh
yeah. I’m gonna go see him…”
Elliot
stopped her and said, “Liv, shouldn’t you call Cabot
first? Let her know?”
“I’ll
call her from the car.” When she realized Elliot
wasn’t with her, she stopped and said, “Are you
coming?” Stopping, she retrieved her bag of brownies
from her desk and glared at Munch who had gotten half of
one out of the bag.
XXXXXXXXX
Turning
away from Elliot in the car, she dialed the apartment.
“Hello?”
Smiling,
she said, “Hey sweetie. It’s me.” She ignored the
look Elliot was giving her and listened to Alex.
“Hey
me. How are you?”
“I’m
good. Sweetie, have you gotten the paper yet?”
Making
her way to the door, Alex said, “No. But if you’ll
hang on, I’ll grab it. Why? Is there something…”
Olivia heard the door open and Alex opening the paper.
“Fuck!”
“Now
sweetie, calm down. I’m going to take care of this.”
“What
do you mean you’re going to take care of it? Why would
you bother?”
Realizing
Alex hadn’t been with the squad when this happened,
she groaned inwardly and bit the bullet. “I
have…history with the reporter who wrote the
article.” She could hear Alex flipping back to the
front page of the paper. “Nick Ganzner? What kind of
history could you possibly have with him? Did he leak a
source on another case?”
“Not
exactly.” Olivia glanced at Elliot who quickly looked
forward. “Uh, we went out once.”
She
waited while the meaning sunk in.
“You
fucked him? You slept with somebody you went out with
once? My God Olivia. I can’t deal with this right now.
I have to go.” She heard the click on the line and
swore out loud.
Elliot
kept his mouth shut and his eyes straight ahead. Olivia
looked at him and waited for a comment. When none was
forthcoming, she said, “What?”
“What
do you mean ‘what?’”
“I
know you have an opinion or an ‘I told you so,’ so
let’s have it.”
He
thought about ignoring her but knew it would only
inflame her more so he exhaled and considered his words.
“Liv…you haven’t always been the most
discriminating person when it comes to who shares your
bed. From what little I know, Alex hasn’t racked up
the frequent flyer miles you have.” Olivia turned and
looked at him and then away. “I’m sorry, but it’s
the truth.”
“There’s
not a lot I can do about the past Elliot. She’s going
to have to learn to deal with some of this. And I did
not sleep with Nick. Not that she let me finish.”
Elliot
signaled and pulled into the right hand lane. “It’s
the reality of being with someone who has limited
experience.” She caught the wistful tone of his voice
and looked at him.
“Kathy?”
“I’m
it. Only guy she’s ever been with, kissed, fooled
around with. Ever.”
“But
you’d…”
“Had
a couple before her? Yes. To this day she can’t stand
to see one of the girls. Well, she’s a woman now, but
you know what I mean. She still lives near my parents
and sometimes when we go to visit, it’s not pretty.”
Olivia nodded.
“So
Kathy was a virgin, huh?” Elliot nodded.
“So…how’d that work?”
Elliot
looked at her strangely and creased his brow. “What do
you mean? You were a virgin once, think back.”
She
told Elliot what had happened in the bedroom and kitchen
that morning and how she’d handled it.
“Well,
I think you did the right thing. If you rush her now or
go into this the wrong way, she’ll end up resenting
you.”
“But
I have no clue how to…you know.” At his confused
look, she added, “I’ve never been with someone
so…inexperienced. Especially not a woman. You know my
first was much older and all the ones after.”
Elliot
pulled into a space in front of the building that housed
The Ledger. He took a moment to squelch the flare of
arousal he felt and finally managed to look at Olivia.
“How
inexperienced is she?” And do I really want to know?
Feeling
a bit uncomfortable, she squirmed and looked everywhere
but at Elliot.
“You
saw the medical report. Partially intact hymen. She’s
never been with a man. All that.”
“So
like what, she never used a Tampon?”
Sighing
she shook her head. “Elliot, you live in a house with
four women, surely you know some of these things?”
“Only
that I rejoice every month when Kathy gets her
period.”
Olivia
laughed. “Virgins use Tampons. The hymen has a natural
opening when girls start getting their periods. While
I’ve never asked Alex about her Tampon use, I’m
betting she’s used one.” A thought came to her mind
and she made a note to ask Alex about it later.
“She’s just had lousy lesbian lovers in the past.
Actually, lazy and selfish would be more like it.”
Elliot
opened the car door and got out and as they walked into
the building he continued the conversation.
“So
be everything they weren’t. Do what they didn’t. You
love her, right?” Olivia nodded. “She loves you?”
Again she nodded. “Well, that’s going to make all of
the difference right there."
As
they pressed the elevator button, she said,
“Cassidy’s still with Narcotics, right?”
Elliot
grinned. “You gotta tell her Liv. The courthouse is a
small pond.”
XXXXXXXXXX
Alex
knocked on her own office door and entered. Serena
smiled at her and motioned for her to sit down.
“Hey
you. How are you doing? I heard you bolted after the
trial yesterday. Everything ok?”
Alex
swung her legs over the arm of the chair and huffed.
“Seen today’s paper?” Serena nodded.
“Do you know anything about Nick Ganzner, the
reporter who wrote the story?”
Serena
thought before answering. “A little. I know he almost
cost Olivia her job.” Catching what she’d said,
Serena looked at Alex and winced. Catching Alex’s
perturbed look, she continued, “Uh, I think they went
out once or twice? He stole some info out of a file
Olivia had and the information appeared in the paper the
next day. Cragen was hard on her. I take it you talked
to Olivia?”
Alex
rolled her eyes. “Yes. Is there anybody she hasn’t
slept with?”
“Alex,
you’re not being fair. It was years ago and from what
I hear, he was pretty screwed up sexually.”
Alex’s
mood shifted and she leaned forward. “What do you
mean?”
Serena
frowned. “Maybe you should ask Olivia about this.”
Alex arched an eyebrow and crossed her arms. “Ok. He
told a buddy of his who works in the clerks office that
he thought it would be kinky to date a SVU Detective.
You know, after seeing all of the stuff they’ve seen.
So anyway, he wanted to role play…you know.” When
Alex shook her head Serena rubbed hers. “Rape Alex. He
wanted Olivia to act like he was raping her. She balked,
rightly so given her job, and threw him out. He
retaliated by stealing the info from her file and
running an exclusive story.”
Serena
watched as Alex’s features changed from curious to
upset to pissed.
“What
an asshole. And especially considering how…” Alex
caught herself and stopped before revealing Olivia’s
conception to Serena. “Like all women have a rape
fantasy. Sick prick.” Alex wrapped her arms more
tightly around herself and fought off a shiver.
“You
OK Alex?”
She
nodded. “Just thinking. I always wanted to try the
whole being tied up thing, but now…. One more thing to
thank Chris Jenkins for. I’ll never have a normal sex
life. Maybe not even a sex life at all.”
Serena
got up and took a seat next to her friend. “Alex,
Olivia is wild about you and she’ll wait. As for sex,
maybe you should see an intimacy counselor?”
Alex
snorted. “An intimacy counselor? Oh please. A
counselor is one thing, but to discuss my sex life? I
don’t think so.”
Serena
smiled at Alex. “You are one uptight, inhibited
lesbian. You’re giving us all a bad name. Ruining the
reputation of the gay lifestyle as hedonistic
lothario’s who jump into bed with anybody that’s
breathing.”
Alex
laughed. “I’m sorry Serena, but my mother did raise
me a certain way and while I’m pretty sure she
didn’t intend on me “saving” myself for the
lesbian lifestyle, I just can’t undo all those years
of strict morality.”
They
shared a laugh. “Give it time. Olivia will have those
barriers torn down in no time.”
Alex
became quiet and let out a long breath. “Yes, me with
my limited experience ought to be able to keep her
interested for all of five minutes.”
Serena
caught the hitch in Alex’s voice and took her hand.
“Hey, is this why you’re so stressed out? I was just
joking.”
“I
know, but I love her and I was already behind in the
relationship experience department, and now with what he
did to me…I just worry that she’ll get tired of
waiting. She says she won’t but…”
“Others
have?” Alex nodded. “Listen to me Alex. She loves
you. She’ll wait.”
Alex
gathered up her things and gave an unsteady nod in
Serena’s direction. “I need to get down to the
community center. I’m signing up to take a cooking
class. Let me know when Petrovsky rules on the
preliminary, ok?” Serena nodded.
XXXXXXXXXX
“Listen
you slime ball, I am not having an affair with ADA
Cabot.”
Nick
smirked at Olivia and replied, “Whatever you say
Detective Benson. But your girlfriend did confess her
undying love for you on the stand yesterday. Sort of
makes your argument weak.”
Realizing
several pairs of ears, ears belonging to his co-workers,
were listening to their conversation, Olivia
straightened up and said just loud enough for them to
hear, “What’s the matter Nick? Upset that I
wouldn’t play rape with you? That did seem to be the
only way you could get it up, if I recall correctly.”
Ganzner’s
eyes flashed and he leaned forward. “Listen you bitch,
I’m not the one who chooses to work in sex crimes. How
screwed up is that? But then, you come by it naturally,
don’t you? Daddy and all.”
Elliot
reached out and took hold of her arm. Olivia clenched
her teeth and spit out, “You leave Alex alone.”
“Or
what?”
Olivia
raised her eyebrows in challenge and turned and left the
cubicle area of The Ledger.
XXXXXXXX
Elliot
found her next to the car talking to someone.
“That’s right, his name is Nick Granzner. Drives a
2001 green Dodge Neon. Lives over on Canal. Limited
parking on his street. Should be worth lots of parking
tickets. Oh, he also covers the crime beat so he does a
lot of parking at the courthouse and his press
credentials are up for renewal next month.”
Smiling,
Elliot motioned for her to get into the car.
“Death
by parking tickets?”
“Yep.”
She fastened her belt. “I love her Elliot and I’m
not going to let anybody, including you, hurt her. Now,
have a brownie. She made them especially for me.”
Elliot noted the goofy grin on her face.
Their
glee was short lived as each bit into a brownie and hit
something crunchy. Pulling his brownie away to look at
it, Elliot saw a light brown ball of something in the
midst of the dark chocolate brownie.
“Uh
Liv, they’re kind of lumpy.”
“Shut-up
and eat them Elliot. My girl made them for me.” Taking
a bite she added, “Besides, it’s better than her
corn chowder.”
XXXXXXXXX
Alex
finished signing up for her American cooking class and
wondered about the center, taking note of all the
classes and activities offered. She found a photography
class she was interested in and made a note to look into
it. She also found a class on charcoal art drawings. As
she wondered down the list, she saw a support group for
rape victims and their partners, as well as a support
group for just the victims of rape. She took a brochure
and stuffed it in between the other items she’d
collected.
Noticing
the time, she headed in the direction of the market and
picked up the ingredients for the nights dinner.
XXXXXXXXX
Olivia
picked up a dozen Lilies and a bottle of wine. She’d
decided to just sit down and have a long, frank
discussion with Alex about her past relationships.
She
opened the door to her apartment and found it bathed in
candle light and a delectable aroma coming from the
kitchen.
“Alex?”
Looking
shy, Alex stood in the doorway of the kitchen wearing an
apron and her glasses.
“I’m
sorry I hung-up on you and I’m sorry about this
morning. I just…I don’t know how to do this. Be a
victim. I’m not used to it and relationship
wise…I’m scared.”
Olivia
laid down the flowers and approached Alex. “Sweetie,
please don’t be afraid of me.”
“I’m
not. I’m…afraid of losing you. That I won’t be
enough for you.”
Slipping
off her jacket, she laid it across the back of the
couch. “Losing me? Why?”
Alex
looked down at her feet. “I’m afraid I won’t be
enough for you. Sexually.”
Stepping
up to the blonde, she lightly hugged her. “Oh sweetie,
don’t think about that. I’m…I’m done. You’re
it.”
“What
do you mean?”
“Alex,
I’ve had a lot of…relationships, ok? Very few have
ever meant anything to me and the ones that have, I
haven’t started out on the right foot with them. I
usually sleep with them first and develop a relationship
second. We’re not doing that and I’m glad. You’re
special and I want this one to be different. Yes, I’ve
had a lot of sex, but I’ve seldom made love. So a lot
of this is new for me as well.”
Alex
hugged her tighter and whispered, “I love you and I
wish this had all happened under different
circumstances. That we’d had the opportunity to make
love before he…did what he did. And thank you for this
morning. You were right.” She felt Olivia nod. “And
Liv, I…I know you didn’t sleep with that
reporter.”
“How’d
you know?”
“I’ll
tell you over dinner.” She hesitated and pulled
Olivia’s head down to hers. She leaned in and kissed
her on the lips, easing her tongue into the brunette’s
mouth. Pulling back she said, “We’re having
roast.”
“Roast?
You cooked me a roast?” Alex was pleased by the smile
on Olivia’s face, and surprised to find Olivia’s
hands in her pockets.
“Yes
I did. Well, I had to call my mother. Several times.
Speaking of which, I need to check on it.” Olivia
watched as she hurried into the kitchen and she heard
some muffled cursing and the sound of a pan clanging.
She
eased into the kitchen and saw Alex hacking off the end
of the roast. She tried to stifle the laughter that
bubbled up, but the sound escaped before she could help
it. Alex turned and scowled at her as she continued to
hack on the end of the roast.
“I’m
glad you find this funny. I worked very hard on this
damn thing and now part of it’s ruined. You and that
damn kiss.”
“Hey,
don’t blame me. You kissed me. Though it was rather
distracting.” She waggled her eyebrows at Alex and
grinned. Alex ignored her and finally finished sawing
off the end of the roast. Olivia wondered over and
inspected what was left of the roast.
“We
can eat this.” Picking a piece off the roast, she took
a bite. Nodding her head, she snatched another piece and
fed it to Alex. She watched as Alex’s tongue slipped
out to catch an errant string of roast and quickly
disappeared.
Alex
realized Olivia was staring at her mouth with an intense
look on her face.
“What?”
“You
just look amazing.” She turned her head and snagged
another piece of meat. “Ill open the bottle of wine
and get a vase for the flowers.” Olivia quickly busied
herself with taking care of the wine and flowers, while
Alex pondered Olivia’s reaction.
XXXXXXXXXX
“So
you’re telling me some clerk ran his mouth about my
sex life?” Alex nodded.
“Well
that’s just great.”
“I’m
sorry Liv.”
“Well
is anything else going around about me?” Olivia had a
sickening thought. “Anything about me and a guy by the
name of Cassidy?”
Alex
looked over her glasses at Olivia and frowned. “No.
Why? Or should I say, who is he?”
“He
was with the squad before you started. One night after
too many beers, we ended up in bed together. He thought
it was more than it was and I had to tell him otherwise.
He couldn’t handle it and he transferred to
Narcotics.” Olivia looked down at her plate. “It was
not one of my better moments and it is one of the things
I am ashamed of in my life. I let it interfere with my
work and it caused a lot of tension among the squad. I
swore never again.” She smiled at Alex. “But
you’re the exception to the rule.”
“So
are you.”
Olivia
recalled a thought from earlier in the day and tried to
decide how she was going to broach the subject to Alex
without causing unnecessary harm. She finally opted for
the direct approach.
“Sweetie,
it’s been almost six weeks since your assault.
You’ve not had a period since the attack, have you?”
Alex
considered her words and lay her fork down. “No.
I’ve not.” Alex pushed her glasses up on her nose
and started to take a sip of wine. Thinking better of
it, she picked up her water instead.
“So
you’re late?”
Alex
slowly nodded her head. “It just slipped my mind.
I’m sure it’s just stress.” Olivia nodded. After a
minute or two of silence, Alex got up and ran into the
bedroom.
Olivia
waited a few minutes before following her and found Alex
sitting against the headboard of the bed, knees drawn up
to her chest.
“Alex…”
“Don’t.
He did not fully penetrate me, and save me the 7th
grade biology lecture about millions of sperm cells in
the pre-ejaculate. I took the morning after pill. I am
not pregnant. I’m just late.”
Slowly
nodding her head, Olivia said, “Ok. Let’s finish
dinner.” She held her hand out to the blonde and
helped her up.
XXXXXXXXXX
After
dinner they sat watching TV, with Olivia sitting in the
chair next to the couch. An uncomfortable silence
settled over the women, with Alex refusing to look at
Olivia.
“Alex…”
“Just
find an all night drug store and go buy the damn
test.”
“Ok.
There’s one a few blocks away.”
Without
looking at Olivia she said, “Get the new digital
kind.”
“How…”
“I’ve
had ample opportunity to watch daytime TV these last few
weeks. Pregnancy tests, cooking oils and diaper
commercials dominate the airwaves.”
Olivia
couldn’t help but smile as she left the apartment.
XXXXXXXXX
When
she returned to the apartment, Alex was standing next to
the window smoking. As she turned to face Olivia, the
fear and uncertainty was evident in her eyes.
“Did
you get it?”
Nodding,
she walked over to Alex and handed her the E.P.T.
Certainty test.
Taking
the box, she clutched it and nodded. “Sorry to smoke
in your house, but I’m a little…upset.”
“This
is your house too Alex. For as long as you want it to
be. Though if you’re…”
“Pregnant
I shouldn’t smoke? Well I’ve got news for you
Olivia, I’m not your mother. I can’t be.”
Olivia
clenched and unclenched her jaw before answering.
“Actually Alex, I was going to say, ‘If you’re
going to smoke, I would appreciate it if you’d keep
the window open.’ Smoke irritates my eyes.” Alex
started to say something, but Olivia forged ahead. “As
for whether or not you are pregnant and what you choose
to do if you are, I have no say in that. It’s your
body.”
“Olivia…”
“Maybe
you should go to bed Alex. Or at least go into the
bedroom. What you just said makes me angry and it hurt
and I don’t want to take that out on you.”
Alex
quickly moved into the bedroom and shut the door. She
mentally kicked herself for her insensitive remarks and
wondered just how she was going to make things right
with Olivia.
She
heard the other woman moving about in the living room
and started to go back out, but decided to give her some
time. Giving up, she settled into bed and tried to go to
sleep. Her mind raced with thoughts of babies, Olivia
and just what in the Hell she was going to do about
everything.
She
drifted in and out of sleep for the next few hours and
the next time she woke up, she decided to go into the
living room and talk to Olivia.
Kneeling
between the couch and the coffee table, she shook
Olivia’s shoulder.
“Liv?
Liv, wake up.”
“Is
everything ok? Did something happen?”
“I
need you.”
Sitting
up, Olivia rubbed her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
Alex
moved onto the couch and practically sat in Olivia’s
lap. “I’m sorry about earlier. I’m glad your
mother had you. I’m just…I’m sorry. I know I keep
saying that, but I am. I just, well, this whole thing
has really messed me up. I’m just so unsure of things
now.”
Olivia
pulled her head down to rest on her shoulder. “It’s
ok Alex. I understand what you mean about not being my
mother. I wouldn’t have a problem taking the morning
after pill and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t carry a
baby that resulted from an assault. What you said, it
just, it hit me the wrong way.”
Alex
nodded. “Hold me. Please.”
She
felt Alex go limp and eased her back against the couch.
She covered her with the blanket and settled into the
chair next to the couch. As Alex started to moan, she
ran her hand up and down her arm, which seemed to settle
her down. She did this the rest of the night and by the
time the sun came up, Olivia was exhausted. She trudged
into the shower and when she finished, she dressed and
went to wake Alex.
“Hey.
Wake up.”
Alex
yawned and stretched, hitting her foot on the arm of the
couch. Olivia laughed at the look on her face. Alex
glanced around, trying to get her bearings. Remembering
where she was and why, she grinned.
“I
need to go to the bathroom.”
Olivia
held out her hand and stopped her. “You need to use
the first pee of the day to take the test.” Alex
nodded. “Do you need any help?”
“To
pee?” Olivia swatted at her. “Oh, you mean the
test.” Turning serious, she said, “Would you
mind?”
“Not
at all. Let’s go.”
XXXXXXXX
After
Olivia had laid everything out, Alex inspected the test
and proceeded to take it. They sat on Olivia’s bed,
waiting the five minutes that was necessary for the test
to run.
“If
I am, would you go with me to, you know?”
“Of
course. I’ll help you and support you in whatever you
decide. I love you.”
Alex
looked at the clock for the millionth time and realized
six minutes had finally passed. Standing, she held out
her hand to Olivia and they entered the bathroom. She
picked the stick up and took a good look at the window
and then handed it to Olivia. Olivia pulled Alex to her
and the blonde’s body shook with sobs.
“Hey,
it’s ok.”
“I
didn’t want to be pregnant.”
“And
you’re not, so that’s a good thing, right?”
Alex
hugged her harder and nodded. “It just…I didn’t
realize how much this frightened me. The thought of
having something from him growing inside me.”
“I
didn’t realize how upset this would make you or I’d
never have mentioned it. I just wanted you to have all
the time you might need to make whatever decisions you
might need to make.”
“I
think it’s just stress.” Olivia nodded. “Our test
results are due back today. Want to meet me at the
clinic around lunch time?”
“Ok.”
Alex
cupped Olivia’s face and smiled at her. “Thank
you.” She rubbed her thumb under Olivia’s eyes and
frowned. “You look tired. Did I keep you awake last
night?”
“Nah.”
She stood still and shoved her hands in her pockets as
Alex gave her a chaste kiss on the lips.
“You
lie. I’ll see you at the clinic, ok?”
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Olivia
entered the squad room and took a few minutes to sift
through her messages and files before going to see
Cragen.
“Olivia…you
look tired. Everything ok?”
“Alex
had a bad night. If there’s nothing pressing, care if
I grab a few in the crib?”
He
looked her over before nodding.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
“Hello?”
“Alex,
it’s Serena. Petrovsky came back with her decision.
We’re going to trial. I just wanted to let you
know.”
Alex’s
shoulders sagged as she released a breath. “Thank God.
And thanks for calling Serena. Do we have a trial date
yet?”
“I
don’t know it right off hand, but I’m pretty sure
Trevor will want to cut a deal. How do you feel about
that?”
“I’ll
let you know after today.” And if that prick gave me
anything, the answer is Hell no.
XXXXXXXXXXX
Olivia
found Alex waiting outside the clinic for her, smiling.
“Hey.”
Alex
hugged her and said, “Petrovsky ruled. There’s
enough evidence for the case to go to trial.”
“That’s
great. Let’ go in and get our test results and we can
celebrate tonight. How about a movie? Or dinner out?”
Alex nodded.
They
waited for their test results and Olivia was relieved to
see that Alex was not up pacing.
“Ladies,
I have both of your test results and if you both give
permission, I’ll give you your results jointly.”
They both agreed and the counselor nodded. “You are
both negative for HIV. Congratulations and I’d like to
remind you to always practice safe sex. Even lesbians
need to practice safe sex.” She slid a pack of dental
dams across the table to each of them.
Both
women grabbed their packs and hurried from the room. As
they hit the street, Olivia saw the change in Alex and
sent up a prayer of thanks. Alex took her hand and
walked with her.
“Hey
Alex, let’s duck into this furniture store before we
grab lunch.”
“Ok.
Are you looking for something in particular?”
“A
new couch.”
“Ok.”
As they walked inside she continued, “Why?”
“Uh,
mine is kind of old and, you know. Just wanted to see
about a new one.”
They
walked around looking at various couches, with Olivia
stretching out on the ones she liked. They were
approached by a sales lady who looked between the two of
them and sighed.
“May
I help you?” Lesbians. New relationship. Moving in
together. Brunette’s couch is probably old and ratty,
and Blondie is trying to infuse a little style in her.
Blondie’s got the money but the brunette drives the
car. Small commission.
Olivia
sat up from her prone position on a dark chocolate,
marshmallow style leather couch.
“Yes.
I’m looking for a new couch. It needs to be long and
comfortable and I like this color, but it’s just too
short.”
The
sales lady, whose badge said her name was Greta, looked
to Alex for confirmation. Alex took a step back and just
looked at her. Olivia scowled.
“Excuse
me, I’m over here.”
Greta
looked startled and slightly embarrassed. “I’m
sorry, I thought you two were together. As in,
together.”
Olivia
popped up and answered, “We are, but I’m the one
buying the couch. Now, do you have anything like I asked
about?”
“I
think so. If you’ll follow me.” She led them to the
back of the store and to a section of couches that
Olivia wouldn’t have had in her apartment if her life
depended on it.
Olivia
started to speak, but Alex beat her to the punch. “I
don’t recall hearing her ask to see your rejects.
Let’s go Olivia.” Olivia fixed Greta with a smug
smile and followed Alex out of the store.
As
they sat down to lunch, Alex picked at her food.
“What’s
wrong Alex?”
“I
shouldn’t have butted in at the furniture store.”
“Yes
you should have. Alex you’re my…well, I guess for
lack of a better word, you’re my girlfriend. Right?”
Now it was Olivia who dropped her head.
“Just
girlfriend? Not partner?”
Olivia’s
face beamed with a smile. “Partner.” She nodded.
“Yes, partner.”
“Ok,
partner, where else would you like to look for a
couch?”
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Their
date that night consisted of dinner at a pizza parlor
and then hitting every furniture store they could find.
On the seventh store, Olivia found what she considered
to be the Mecca of couches.
She
found a long, wide couch that was the color of brown
chocolate. It was soft
leather and incredibly comfortable. The sales lady
approached them and smiled.
“Hello
ladies. Can I help you?” Lesbian couple. New
relationship, but they’ve been interested in each
other for a long time. Combining households. The
brunette is eclectic and the blonde is a bit more
sophisticated in her taste, but she meshes better with
the brunette’s world than her own. Hmmm. They’re not
sharing bank accounts yet or else the blonde would have
already whipped out the card for the couch. Repeat
buyers.
Olivia
got up and motioned for Alex to lie down and test it
out. Alex
hesitated before stretching out and trying various
positions on the couch. The sales lady, whose name was
Holly, noticed Olivia’s strained look at Alex’s
movements.
“It’s
quite comfortable, don’t you think?” You two
aren’t sleeping together yet. Oh dear. Perhaps I can
help you along. “You should lie down next to her.
It’s wide enough for two people to cuddle on.”
“Uh,
that’s ok. We’ll uh, take your word for it.”
“It’s
ok Liv. Let’s give it a try.” Alex moved forward so
Olivia could slide in behind her. Olivia willed her body
not to react and settled in behind Alex. “I like this
Liv. What about you?”
Olivia
liked it a lot but she wasn’t sure if it was the couch
or her close proximity to Alex. Either way, she wanted
the couch.
Jumping
up she said, “I’ll take it.”
Holly
nodded and asked, “Anything else you’d like to
see?”
“Nothing
right now, but perhaps in a month or two.” Alex looked
at Olivia and cocked her head. Olivia avoided Alex’s
questioning stare and went to fill out paperwork for the
purchase and delivery of the couch.
They
grabbed a cab home and Alex waited until they were
sitting on the couch before asking about Olivia’s
comment to the sales lady.
“So
are you going to redecorate your apartment in a month or
two?”
“Huh?”
Alex arched an eyebrow at her. “Oh. Well, I was going
through my mail and I guess some of your mail from the
apartment got mixed in with it and I saw you got a fat
envelope from your apartment management company. I’m
assuming it’s a new lease and I thought you might want
to move out of there and maybe move…in with me?”
Olivia finished with a rush.
Alex
stood up and moved over to the window. Crossing her arms
over her chest she replied, “No.”
“No?”
She moved over to the window, next to Alex. “No? No.
Ok.”
Alex
caught the hurt that flashed across Olivia’s face.
“Liv, it’s not fair to you. Are you just going to
sleep on your couch for the foreseeable future?”
Olivia
chuckled. “I did just buy a brand new, comfy couch
tonight Alex.”
Alex
turned and looked at Olivia, distressed. “Is that why
you wanted to get a new couch?”
Olivia
shrugged. “Sort of. And because I really want us to
live together and I thought this could be the first
thing we bought together. You know, buying furniture is
the lesbian equivalent of having children. Well, that
and buying a dog, but you don’t strike me as the dog
type.”
Alex
quickly added, “I like dogs. I’d be agreeable to
getting a dog. A small one.”
Olivia’s
bemused expression belied her words. “Since you’ll
be living by yourself, the only person you have to be
agreeable to is yourself, Alex.”
Pushing
away from the window, she moved into the kitchen. Olivia
followed her and found Alex scooping coffee grounds into
the filter and adding water.
“What
are you doing, and don’t say ‘making coffee.’”
“Well,
that is what I’m doing. But if you mean why, I think
it’s going to be a long night. We have a lot to
discuss and hash out.” Grabbing two mugs, she got out
the sugar and creamer and a tray. “Go on out and
I’ll be there as soon as this is done.
XXXXXXXXX
Olivia
watched as Alex heaped spoonful after spoonful of sugar
into her coffee cup.
“You
said the only person you’ve ever lived with was your
mother, right?” Olivia nodded. “And the only person
I’ve ever lived with was during law school and she
really did just start out as a room mate.” Again
Olivia nodded. “So neither one of use really knows how
to live with someone else.” Olivia waited for Alex to
continue. “Do you think this might be a problem?
Adjusting to living with someone else?”
“Alex,
what exactly have we been doing these last few weeks?”
“That’s
different. You’re talking about living together.
Sharing space on a permanent basis. Sharing our lives.
Everything about our lives.” Alex looked at Olivia
hopefully.
Unsure
of what Alex was looking for, Olivia nodded. “Yes,
that’s about got it covered. And it’s more practical
for you to not be paying rent.”
“Where
do you bank?”
Olivia
tried to follow the conversation, but was losing Alex.
“First Manhattan, why?”
Alex
took Olivia’s hand. “I don’t think we’re talking
about the same thing when it comes to living together
Olivia. And then there’s the whole issue of sex.”
“Are
we back to that? And what do you mean we’re not
talking about the same thing? I want to share my life
with you Alex and I don’t get what my bank preferences
has to do with anything.”
“I
know you don’t. I need to be whole before I can be
with you Olivia.” Standing up, she gathered their mugs
and headed into the kitchen. She came back into the
living room and kissed Olivia on the cheek. “Let’s
table this discussion for a few days, ok?” Olivia
nodded and watched Alex go into the bedroom and shut the
door.
XXXXXXXXXXX
Neither
Alex nor Olivia mentioned the discussion about moving in
together the next day or the day after. Olivia was
confused and considered talking to Elliot, but decided
no matter how good a friend he was, he would never be a
woman and she needed a woman’s perspective.
She
called Elizabeth Olivet and Serena and invited them to
lunch.
After
they ordered, she decided to just jump right in.
“You
both know I’m crazy about Alex and that we’ve been
sharing space these last few weeks. Well, I want us to
make it a more permanent situation. I asked her to move
in with me. I mean, the lease on her apartment is up
next month and I don’t see why she should keep paying
rent for a place she’ll never live in again. Right?”
Serena
and Elizabeth exchanged looks.
“Did
you present it to her this way?” Serena’s blue eyes
were dancing.
“Not
in so many words, why?”
Elizabeth
chuckled. “Olivia, you just made a very valid argument
for a good friend to move in with you. But for the woman
you love? Not so good.”
“What’s
that supposed to mean?”
Serena
shook her head. “You two are so much alike it’s
scary. Olivia, Alex is a heterosexual identifying
lesbian.”
“A
what?”
Elizabeth
picked up where Serena had left off. “Alex is not the
poster child for the lesbian movement. She can blend
into any “straight” affair seamlessly. With the
exception of Serena and myself, I don’t know of any
lesbians or bisexuals she hangs out with or even knows.
So, she has a very heterosexual mindset.”
Serena
tossed in, “And don’t forget, she was raised in a
very upper crust, socially correct atmosphere.”
“Meaning…?”
“Good
God Olivia. She’s old school.” Serena was clearly
amused.
Serena
and Elizabeth exchanged a look. They said in unison,
“The rules of courting, Olivia.”
XXXXXXXXXXX
Olivia
was more confused than ever after her lunch with Serena
and Elizabeth. She decided that talking to Elliot might
not be such a bad idea after all.
“Hey
El, have you ever heard of the ‘rules of
courting?’”
“Yeah.
Why?”
“Well,
what the Hell is it?”
Laughing
he explained, “It’s the proper conduct for dating
someone you are serious about. I mean, there’s no book
or anything, it’s just sort of understood. Like when
Kathy got pregnant, it was just understood that we’d
get married. Not that I had a problem with that, but
it’s that whole code of honor BS. Didn’t your mother
ever lecture you about what a man was supposed to and
not to do?”
“My
mother? No. The closest she came was that guy in her
class that I dated.”
“Why
are we having this conversation?”
She
explained to him about her conversation with Alex and
about her lunch with Serena and Elizabeth.
“Liv,
she needs a lot of reassuring right now. Apparently
you’re the Holy Grail for her, and she’s just having
a hard time believing you’ve chosen her.”
“We
bought a couch together.”
Elliot
ignored her and forged ahead, “And if she really is
old school, I’m betting Ma Cabot drilled certain
things into her mind and those things are not easily
discarded. She’s not going to move in with you without
some sort of commitment.”
“I
told her she’s the one for me and that I’ve quit
looking. How much more of a commitment does she need?
Should I put it on the jumbo tron in Times Square?”
Elliot
laughed. “Look, when we found out Kathy was pregnant,
I knew we’d be getting married. That did not stop me
from going through the rituals of talking to her father
and then her mother and all that. Just because we put
the cart before the horse didn’t mean we weren’t
going to do things right. Understand?”
Scratching
her head she answered, “I guess. So I should what,
call and talk to her mother?”
“Yeah.”
“There’s
something else…she keeps bringing up the sex thing.”
Elliot
shook his head. “I am not touching that one with a ten
foot pole. You are on your own.”
XXXXXXXXX
Olivia
spent the rest of the afternoon pondering what Serena,
Elizabeth and Elliot had said. She was shaken from her
reverie by her cell phone ringing.
“Benson.”
“Hey.”
“Hey
yourself. Everything ok?”
“Yeah.
I just wanted to remind you that I have cooking class
tonight, so you’re on your own for dinner.”
“Ok.
Have fun, ok?”
Alex
hesitated, wanting to say something to Olivia, but
unsure of what. She opted to disconnect the call.
XXXXXXXXX
“Hello?”
“Mrs.
Cabot…Lenore, it’s Olivia Benson.”
“Hello
Olivia. How are you?”
After
a few minutes of casual conversation and reassuring her
that Alex was fine, Olivia grew quiet.
“So,
Mrs. Cabot, Lenore, I was curious about something.
Earlier this week I uh, suggested to Alex that we move
in together. It made sense to me since her lease is up
next month and…that’s not what I wanted to say.”
Taking a deep breath she started again. “Lenore, I
love her, and I don’t want anybody but her. Alex
hasn’t agreed to move in with me, and apparently
there’s some sort of protocol I’m supposed to follow
and that includes calling and informing you of my
intentions toward your daughter. So that’s what I’m
doing.”
“Well?”
“Well
what?”
“What
are your intentions toward my daughter Olivia? How
serious are you about her?”
Olivia
gripped the phone tighter and exhaled. “For the love
of God, I love her. She’s it for me and I don’t know
how many different ways there are to say that! It’s
not like we can get married…” Olivia’s voice
trailed off as she considered what she’d just said.
“No
Olivia, it’s not. And if you were a man calling and
asking me for permission to shack up with my daughter,
I’d have already hung-up on you. However, this great
nation of ours doesn’t give gay couples many options,
does it?”
Lenore
Cabot knew the exact moment that Olivia figured it out,
and laughed to herself. Deciding to let Olivia off the
hook, she added, “Olivia, I am agreeable to whatever
you might wish to ask me as long as my daughter is
comfortable with it. And Olivia, for better or worse, I
raised her with old fashioned values. Lesbian or not.”
“Thank
you Lenore. I understand now and I will do my best to
make her happy and proud, as well as you.”
XXXXXXXXX
She
surveyed the squad room and stopped when her eyes landed
on John Munch. She figured with four marriages, he had
to know something about asking a woman to spend the rest
of her life with him.
“John,
can I see you for a moment?”
She
explained what she was about to do, and asked if he had
any suggestions.
“With
my track record? But if all you’re looking for is the
symbol of commitment, I can help. Do you want to go
classic or quirky or modern or what?”
Olivia
considered Lenore’s words. “Probably old
fashioned.” Munch noticed her less than enthusiastic
response to that idea and called her on it.
“Benson,
go with your gut. Pick something that is a little bit
you and a little bit her. Remember, this says that you
love her enough to spend the rest of your life with her,
but that the ring or whatever is from you for her.”
Olivia
nodded. “Any idea where I should shop?”
“If
it’s New York, it’s gotta be Tiffany’s.”
Olivia
choked and Munch rubbed her back.
“Come
on, I’ll go with you. I might even loan you money if
your short.”
“Thanks
John, but I’ve got it covered. You know I don’t go
out a lot and my only vice is a few beers after work.”
As long as it’s not thousands.
XXXXXXXXX
Munch
strode into Tiffany’s and asked to speak with someone
named Jean-Phillipe. He spoke to a couple of other sales
people who knew him by name and Olivia was beginning to
wonder about the secret life of John Munch.
“Mr.
Munch, so good to see you again. I take it the lady
enjoyed the Etoile bracelet?”
“Yes
she did. Thank you. This is a colleague of mine, Olivia
Benson and she is looking for the perfect ring for her
beloved.”
Olivia
shook his hand and explained what she was looking for
and listened as he rattled off his suggestions.
“But
really, the best ring will be the one that says
something about her. Take a few moments and look around.
See if anything jumps out at you.”
John
waited while she scanned the display cases and noticed
she seemed to keep coming back to one case in
particular. He sauntered over to the case and tried to
guess which ring she was looking at.
“I
like this one, but it’s not very traditional. Or even
for marriage. So to speak.”
Munch
looked at her over his glasses and smiled.
“Do
you know the legend of the Dragonfly?” She shook her
head. “In Japan, dragonflies represent new light and
joy. Life is never quite the way it appears, but is
always filled with light and color.”
“That’s
Alex.”
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Alex
had her hands knuckle deep in flour and water, trying to
make a respectable dough. Her glasses were speckled with
flour and her apron was covered with the flour as well.
She
silently cursed the stupid idea of taking a cooking
class. When she’d signed up, she thought they might be
making something more exotic than chicken pot pies. But,
she reasoned, she was having a hard enough time making
dough, so maybe this was a good class to start in.
XXXXXXXXX
She
arrived home to find Olivia channel surfing. She stopped
when she realized she’d just thought of this apartment
as home. Shaking it off, she made her way into the
kitchen and began putting away her supplies.
“Hey.
How’d it go?”
Alex
scowled at her and resumed putting away her supplies.
“I burnt my dish, and it was only a stupid pot pie!”
Olivia
approached her and hugged her without thinking. Alex
flinched slightly and Olivia immediately dropped her
arms.
“I’m
sorry.”
Alex
picked up Olivia’s arms and placed them back around
her and leaned in. She placed a kiss on Olivia’s lips
and smiled.
“It’s
ok. That damn chicken is not. Who knew making dough was
so hard?”
Releasing
Alex, Olivia busied herself with wiping down the
counter.
“We
still haven’t discussed moving in together Alex. I’d
like to do that tomorrow night, ok?”
“Ok.
I’ll make dinner…”
“No.
We’re going out, and not to a pizza parlor, ok?”
Alex nodded. “And Alex, it’s a dress up affair.”
“I’m
going to get ready for bed. Will you come in and sit
with me tonight?”
XXXXXXXXXX
“So
what kind of dogs do you like?”
Alex
had her head in Olivia’s lap and was running her hand
up and down the Detective’s thigh. Olivia was biting
her lip at the sensations that was causing.
“Small,
but hardy. Not one of those little Mexican scraps of
fur. Why?”
“Just
curious. Puppy or older dog?”
“Older
dog. With my schedule it wouldn’t be fair to do that
to a dog. What about you? What kind of dogs do you
like?”
Olivia
began playing with Alex’s hair and shrugged. “I like
all kinds of dogs.”
XXXXXXXXXX
Olivia
called Alex from the station and asked her to be ready
by 7pm and that she would pick her up. She then turned
to Munch who nodded and Fin who gave her the thumbs up.
She
then motioned for Elliot and they headed in the
direction of the pound to pick out a dog.
XXXXXXXXX
Olivia
changed into the black, backless dress she knew Alex
liked her in and went to retrieve Alex. Alex had gone to
her apartment to pick up something suitable to wear and
had shivered the entire time she was there.
She
finally settled on a red dress, similar to the one she
wore to dinner with Trevor, but different enough not to
cause Olivia any distress.
She
wore her hair up and opted to wear her glasses instead
of contacts.
She
opened the door and both women simply stared at each
other.
“You
look beautiful Alex.”
“You
do too Olivia.”
XXXXXXXXXX
Alex
was surprised when they pulled up in front of an
apartment building instead of a restaurant. Olivia kept
quiet and motioned for her to follow.
They
took the elevator to the top floor and then took a
flight of steps to the roof, where Olivia opened the
door to reveal an area with green lawn turf, white
Christmas lights and Chinese paper lanterns. There was a
table set up with a linen table cloth, and candles, as
well as fine bone china.
Olivia
held out her hand and led Alex over to the table. A
young man in a waiter’s uniform pulled out her chair
and then Olivia’s. He filled their glasses with white
wine and scurried away.
“Liv?”
Before
Olivia could answer, soft music filtered out and she
smiled at Alex.
“Alexandra
Reed Cabot, I love you and it has been brought to my
attention that I may not have been as smooth in asking
you to move in with me as I could have been or should
have been. I wasn’t just asking you to move in with me
to cut expenses. I want to build a life with you and
I’m ready to make a commitment to you. I…I even
called your mother.”
She
stopped to gauge Alex’s reaction and found the younger
woman looking shocked.
“Why
did you call my mother?”
“To
tell her of my intentions toward you.”
Alex
laughed and Olivia looked offended. “Oh Olivia,
don’t look so hurt. I think it’s sweet, but totally
unnecessary. My fear about moving in with you has little
to do with the way I was raised.” She stopped to think
about what she’d said and continued on. “At least
for the most part. I want to be a whole person when I
move in with you. That means being able to stay by
myself, all night. I don’t know why that’s
important, it just is.”
“Oh.”
“But
you know Liv, it means a great deal to me that you went
to all this trouble to clarify yourself. Thank you.”
“Oh.”
“Liv?
What’s wrong?”
“I
didn’t just want to clarify myself, I, uh, have
something for you.”
A
different young man carried out a large picnic basket
and placed it next to Alex. Reaching down, she was
startled when a head popped out of the basket and licked
her hand.
“Ohhh!
Who is this?” She picked the dog up and he licked her
face. She rubbed his head and noticed there was a blue
box attached to his next. A blue Tiffany’s box. “Liv?”
Olivia
was visibly nervous and reached for the box. “Maybe we
should just forget this.”
Alex
got to the box before she did and opened it.
“Liv…it’s beautiful. What…?”
Clearly
upset, Olivia looked away. Alex put the dog down and
took her hand. “Talk to me.”
“I
wanted you to know what you mean to me. I love and I
want to spend the rest of my life with you and I don’t
care if we never have sex. I want you. I thought this
would help show you how much I want you. Well, this and
the dog and adding your name to my bank account. This is
the last time I solicit advice about my love life.”
Standing up, she moved away from the table and turned
her back. “Damn Serena, Olivet and Elliot. Fucking
‘rules of courting.’”
Alex
came up behind her and wrapped her arms around Olivia.
“I love you too and I’m sorry I didn’t take this
seriously. And truth be told, it does make me feel
better knowing we’ll be living together with some sort
of formal arrangement between us. So don’t condemn our
friends just yet.”
Olivia
turned in her arms. “What do you mean ‘we’ll be
living?’”
“Olivia
Benson, we’ve bought a couch together and now we have
a dog, so we have to move in together. It’s the
lesbian code! And if those aren’t enough reasons, I
have this gorgeous ring on my finger that says I’m
yours. This and my name on your account.” She looked
at her finger and then took Olivia’s hand. “But we
really have to get you a ring as well.”
Alex
leaned in and kissed Olivia, lightly at first, but she
deepened it quickly. They stood necking for a while
before Olivia pulled away. Alex gave a slight frown and
Olivia rubbed her face.
“Anything?”
Alex
half shrugged. “A little something, but not what I’d
like to feel. What I should feel.”
“We’ll
get there sweetie. I promise.”
Alex
looked down and saw that Olivia was squeezing her hands
tight. Picking up one balled fist, she kissed it and
said, “Hopefully before you ruin all of your pants by
shoving your hands into the pockets when we kiss.”
Olivia
blushed. “I’d hoped you didn’t notice.”
“I
notice everything about you Detective.”
They
went back over to the table and the two young men from
before began serving them dinner.
“Liv,
who are these young men?”
“Friends
of Fin’s. And this is Munch’s apartment building.
Munch went with me to pick out your ring, and Fin helped
organize all of this. Under Munch’s direction of
course.”
From
below, they heard a whine and Alex bent and picked up
the dog. Nuzzling his face she asked, “Where’d you
get him?”
“The
pound. Elliot helped with that. He’s about two years
old, a Terrier mutt mix, and was on his way to the gas
chamber when we got there. He’s healthy, and he’s
had all of his shots. Is he ok?”
“He’s
perfect. What’s his name?” Olivia shrugged. Alex
surveyed him and looked into his big brown eyes.
“Thurgood? Does that sound ok to you?” Olivia
winced. “You had your chance to name him Liv.”
XXXXXXXXXX
After
dinner was finished, one of the young men came and took
Thurgood, promising to take him for a walk. Olivia and
Alex sat in silence, sipping wine.
Olivia
began playing with Alex’s ring. “Do you want to look
for a bigger apartment? Maybe a two bedroom?”
“Why
do we need a two bedroom apartment?” Alex shook her
head. “I really don’t want children Liv. I do well
to take care of me and I don’t want that
responsibility.”
Olivia
exhaled. “Sweetie, I just thought it might be a good
idea. Give us some extra space, an extra bedroom.” So
I won’t have to keep sleeping on the couch.
Alex
heard the way Olivia’s voice trailed off, and
considered what she had said. She realized why Olivia
was asking and shook her head.
“No.
We are not moving in together just so we can have
separate bedrooms. I had that once and I don’t want
that again. Ever. I’ll get over all of this, I
promise.”
“Alex,
first of all, there is no pressure to share a bedroom
with me. Nor do I expect anything you aren’t ready to
give. Second, combining households is a lot of work and
we have a lot of stuff, and I thought we might could
make the second bedroom an office. With maybe a twin
bed. Just in case.”
“Maybe.”
She took Olivia’s left hand and rubbed it. “What
kind of ring do you want?”
“Something
simple, but special.” She laughed. “That was
helpful, wasn’t it?”
XXXXXXXXXXX
They
arrived home, Thurgood in tow and sat on the couch, with
the dog curled up on Alex’s lap. Olivia was playing
with his ear, and Alex was stroking his back.
“He’s
in heaven.”
“You
would be too Alex if you were on death row and suddenly
got sprung.”
Alex
leaned in and kissed Olivia. “Thank you.” Before
Olivia could answer, Alex kissed her again and again.
Turning to better face Olivia, Alex gave Thurgood a
nudge, which sent him off of her lap. Alex moved closer
to Olivia and cupped her breast, drawing a moan from the
brunette. She slid her hand down Olivia’s side and to
her inner thigh. She began moving forward and Olivia’s
breathing quickened. Her finger tip touched the cotton
of Olivia’s panties and she found wetness and heat.
She pushed the brunette’s panties a side and touched
her. Olivia came up off the couch with such force, she
sent Alex sprawling to the floor, nearly sitting on
Thurgood.
“Stop!”
“What?”
“Alex,
dammit, stop. We are not doing this.”
Alex
scrambled to stand up. “Why? I want to. I’m
ready.”
Olivia
threw her hands up and shot Alex a look that clearly
said, ‘I’m pissed.’
“Maybe
I’m not. And by the looks of you, neither are you.
This is not a big deal Alex! Don’t try to force it.”
Very
quietly she answered, “It’s a huge deal to me
Olivia.” She stood looking at Olivia with tears in her
eyes. “He took this from me, and I want it back. I
want to feel safe again and I want to feel whole and I
want to forget the last seven weeks, with the exception
of tonight. I want to walk into a room and not be
afraid. I want to see you and feel what I felt before
all of this happened. I want to be able to cuddle with
you, and to trust my judgment. So for me Olivia, it is a
big deal."
Olivia
sighed and went over to Alex. "Alex, what he took
from you, he took that in an instant." Pulling Alex
to her she finished, "And you're not going to get
it back in an instant. It doesn't work that way."
She pulled Alex to her and held her. "Alex, I don't
mean to make light of your desire to have sex, and I
know it is a big deal, I just hate to see you working
yourself up into a frenzy over this. Just relax.
Ok?"
Alex
nodded and held on to Olivia. "Would you lay with
me tonight?"
Olivia
looked at her and touched her hair. "Are you
sure?"
Alex
nodded and whispered, "I just need you close…but
not too close. Does that make sense? Would you mind
sleeping on top of the covers?"
Olivia
cupped Alex's face and smiled. "Of course. Whatever
you need. Are you ready to go to bed now?"
XXXXXXXXX
As
they settled down that night, Thurgood joined them on
the bed and curled up at Alex's feet. Olivia had pulled
a blanket out of the closet and used it to cover herself
up. She snuggled into Alex and the blonde relaxed back
into her and yawned.
"I
love you."
"I
love you too Alex."
XXXXXXXXX
Olivia
found Alex curled up on the couch in the dark the next
night. Thurgood was on the couch with her and Olivia
noticed a bottle of aspirin and glass of water sitting
on the coffee table.
"Alex?"
Thurgood's
head popped up and he jumped off the couch. Olivia bent
down to pet him. "Alex? Are you ok?"
"I
started my period today. I have horrible cramps, but
they're worse this time. I looked for a heating pad, but
I couldn't find one. Do you have one?"
Olivia
opened her mouth to say yes, but remembered she'd loaned
it to Frank. She opted for a half truth. "I loaned
it to somebody and I don't think I got it back. I can go
buy one, take Thurgood for a walk?"
"That's
ok. But Thurgood does need to go out. He hasn't been out
since lunch. Do you mind?"
"No."
XXXXXXXXXX
After
taking the dog for a short walk, she came back to find
Alex curled up on the bed. Putting out some food for the
dog, she returned to the bedroom and joined Alex on the
bed. "Sit up Alex. I want to do something for
you." Alex moaned as she managed to sit up and
Olivia settled in behind her.
"I'm
going to place my hands under your waistband and lay
them on your abdomen. Is that ok?"
"What's
this going to do?"
"Trust
me, ok?" Alex nodded and Olivia lay her hands flat
on Alex's abdomen. Alex leaned back into Olivia and a
slight frown graced her face. "Is this ok?"
Alex
nodded. "Your hands are warm. Where'd you learn to
do this?"
"My
mother used to do it for me. I had terrible cramps in my
teens. This helped."
Alex
squirmed against Olivia and tilted her head up for a
kiss. Olivia bent down and kissed her, and Alex shifted
some more, rubbing against the detective. Olivia bit
back a groan and closed her eyes. Oblivious to what she
was doing to Olivia, Alex closed her eyes and settled
against the brunette.
Alex
fell asleep with Olivia's hands on her, and Olivia
watched her sleep, wishing she could make Alex whole
again. She finally removed her hands from Alex and
covered her with a blanket. She considered joining Alex
under the blanket, but afraid she might spook her, she
lay on top of the blanket and used another to cover
herself.
Alex
awoke to the feeling of an arm wrapped around her.
Momentarily panicked, she stiffened and carefully looked
behind her. She relaxed when she saw Olivia and smiled
as Thurgood trotted up the bed to lick her.
"Hey
boy. Do you need to go out?" Thurgood burrowed
under her arm and she rubbed his head. "Did you
sleep well? Did you?" Alex was rubbing the dog when
a voice startled her.
"Yeah,
I slept well. How about you?" Alex looked back and
grinned at Olivia.
"Morning."
"Good
morning. How are you feeling?"
"Like
I've been hit by a truck. But that's normal. Thank you
for last night. You made me feel better."
Olivia
snuggled in closer and purred. She placed a tiny kiss on
Alex's neck and rested her forehead there.
The
next time they awoke, Thurgood was definitely in need of
a trip outside.
XXXXXXX
By
late afternoon, Alex was feeling better and started
dinner. Thurgood sat watching her and occasionally she
threw him a scrap of food. She was so engrossed in
making dinner, that she didn't hear Olivia come in. The
brunette stood watching her for a few minutes before
coming up behind her and pulling her body to her. Alex
startled and turned around, knife at the ready.
"Whoa,
Alex it's me! It's Olivia."
Embarrassed,
Alex dropped the knife and her head. "I'm sorry.
You…you scared me."
"No
Alex, I'm sorry. I should have thought before doing
that. You just looked so cute…" Alex smiled at
her and leaned in to kiss her on the lips. The kiss was
quick and chaste, but sweet. "What's for
dinner?"
Alex
swatted her with a dish towel before answering,
"Meatloaf."
XXXXXXX
After
a less than spectacular meal as Alex didn't quite get
the meatloaf finished, they sat on the couch watching
TV, Thurgood sleeping on the floor beneath their feet.
Alex took Olivia's hand and pulled it to her lips and
kissed it.
"Sorry
about dinner."
"It's
ok Alex. Most of what we ate was done. I don't think
I'll keel over due to food poisoning."
Alex
looked at her and smiled before leaning in and kissing
her. They continued to kiss for a while, quick kisses
peppered with longer kisses. Pulling back, Olivia
giggled.
"What?"
"I
haven't sat on a couch and made out without going
further, since high school." Alex lowered her head
and Olivia tipped it back up. "It's ok Alex. It's
nice. I like it." Alex leaned back in and cupped
Olivia's head. She pulled the brunette to her and began
kissing her again. She used her other hand to give
Olivia's inner thigh a squeeze.
Olivia
moaned and felt her body begin to react. She pulled away
from Alex. "Liv?"
Olivia
inhaled and exhaled several times before answering,
"I need a minute sweetie. Just give me a minute,
please." Alex nodded in understanding. Regaining
composure, Olivia motioned for Alex to come closer. She
pulled the blonde to her and they sat watching TV.
Midway
through the TV show, Alex shifted and laid her head in
Olivia's lap. Sighing, she snuggled into her detective.
Olivia stiffened slightly at the sensation having Alex's
head in her lap caused. "Liv?"
"Hmm?"
"Have
you ever used a strap-on?"
Olivia's
body jolted and her voice was strangled as she struggled
for an answer. "Why are you asking me this?"
And why the Hell do you ask me these questions at times
like this. Thank God I wasn't eating or I'd be dead by
now.
"Just
curious." Patting Olivia's knee she added,
"And I've been thinking about it. You know, us
making love. All the different ways there are, the
different ways I'd like to try with you."
Olivia
swallowed hard and squeaked out, "And you'd like
to…try that? With me?"
"No
silly, with Liz Donnelly. Of course with you. Have you
ever thought about it?"
"Uh,
yeah, I have. Quite a lot actually."
Both
women sat silently, absorbing what the other had said. A
short time later, Alex sat up and kissed Olivia.
"I'm tired. I think I'll get ready for bed."
Olivia smiled at her and watched her leave the room. Her
hand drifted down to her center, and hovered there. She
contemplated easing the pressure Alex's admission had
stoked in her, but resisted for fear of being caught by
Alex.
She
quickly changed into her sleepwear and made up the
couch. She'd just stretched out and gotten comfortable
when Alex came back into the living room.
"Liv?
Aren't you coming to bed?"
"I
thought I'd sleep out here tonight."
"Oh.
I didn't upset you with my question, did I?"
"Oh…no.
I…I just don't think I can bear sleeping next to you
and not…you know. Not tonight. I'm more than a little
turned on." Olivia blushed at her own admission.
"Oh."
Alex sank to her knees next to the couch. Leaning
forward, she kissed Olivia and laid her hand on Olivia's
arm. "You know Liv, just because I don't want to be
touched right now, doesn't mean I couldn't do something
for you." Alex began moving her hand down toward
Olivia's sex. Olivia made no move to stop her and Alex
continued toward her goal.
"Alex…"
"Shhh."
By
the time Olivia found her voice, Alex was at her
waistband. She leaned in and kissed Olivia, eliciting a
low moan from Olivia. Her finger tips grazed the
sensitive skin of Olivia's stomach. She found her way to
Olivia's belly button and watched as Olivia's hips
lifted off of the couch and her eyes fluttered shut.
Alex kissed her again.
"I
love you."
Alex's
voice drew Olivia back to herself and her eyes flew
open. Her breathing was ragged as her hand caught Alex's
and stilled her movements. Shaking her head, she smiled
at Alex and leaned up to kiss her.
"I
love you too, and we can wait. I want us to do this
together."
"Are
you sure? I don't want you to be uncomfortable."
Olivia
rose from the couch and headed for the bedroom. Alex
followed and found Olivia in the bathroom.
"What
are you doing?"
Turning
on the shower, Olivia grinned as she replied,
"Seeing if a cold shower actually works."
XXXXXXXX
2
Weeks Later
Olivia
and Alex had spent the last two weeks having marathon
make out sessions and Olivia was at her wits end. She
didn't want to push Alex, but she wasn't sure she could
handle not touching the attorney much longer. For her
part, Alex was slowly, very slowly, regaining fragments
of her desire for Olivia.
She
was enjoying her cooking class and looking in to taking
another one. Serena had met with Trevor Langan regarding
Chris Jenkins and a plea agreement. So far, nothing had
been agreed to and Alex secretly hoped they did not
reach an agreement.
"Mornin'
Liv."
Olivia
trudged into the squad room and grunted in Elliot's
direction. She had made the mistake of sleeping next to
Alex the night before and even though there was a
blanket between them, Olivia had still reacted when she
awoke to find Alex curled around her.
"Okay.
Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this
morning."
"Go
to Hell Elliot."
Elliot
threw down the file he was working on and walked over to
where she was pouring a cup of coffee.
"What
is going on with you? You've been bitchy for the last
week, and don't say it's that time because it's
not." She shot him a look and he shrugged. "I
live with 4 women. I know these things."
Olivia
glanced around and seeing no one, she said, "Let's
go to breakfast. I could use some…expert advice."
XXXXXXXX
::