SVULadies

TITLE: Brown Eyes Blue: Loss (Not the ep)

RATING: MA for the angst

PAIRING: A/O, is there anything else?

SUMMARY: Sometimes love heals all wounds.

DISCLAIMER: Dick, you own them. I am making no money from them.

A/N: In this fic, Kennedy is 3 years old. He is talking. In many fics in many fandom’s, I’ve seen toddlers portrayed with varying states of vocabulary. Everything from "cave speak" to fully developed vocabulary. I’m basing Kennedy’s speech patterns after my two little cousins, both of whom are age 3.

"Kennedy." Drawing in a shaky breath, she tried again, louder, "Kennedy!" Hearing his mother’s voice over his cartoon, Kennedy Cabot galloped down the hall and into his parents bedroom.

"Mommy? Where are you?"

"I’m in the bathroom baby." Running toward the bathroom, he stopped at the sight of his mother lying curled in the fetal position on the bathroom floor.

"Mommy! Mommy! What’s wrong? You not feeling good?"

Reaching out to her son, she tried to smile. "Mommy’s ok, but remember what Mom-Mo taught you about using the telephone?" His blue eyes looked serious as he nodded. "I need you to go get the phone off the nightstand for me, ok?" He scampered into the bedroom and pulled the phone down off the nightstand. Pulling the phone almost to the bathroom, he frowned when he could get no further.

"It won’t reach Mommy!"

Clutching her stomach as another pain ripped through her, she tried to smile at her son. "Do you remember what Mom-Mo showed you about using speed dial?" He nodded. "Hang the phone up and call speed dial number one, ok?"

He found the button Mom-Mo had painted red and punched it.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Sitting at her desk, Olivia was trying to catch up on paperwork. She was glad it was Columbus Day and most of the criminals seemed to have taken the day off.

"Benson."

"Mom-Mo! Mom-Mo!" She smiled at the sound of her son’s voice.

"Hey Co-Counsel. Mommy letting you use the phone?"

"Uh-huh, cause she’s hurt." Olivia sat up and motioned to Elliot.

"What’s wrong with her?" She was trying not to sound panicky, so she wouldn’t scare Kennedy.

Kennedy looked at his mother who was on the bathroom floor moaning. "She’s on the bathroom floor and she’s makin’ noises." Olivia covered the mouth piece and yelled at Elliot.

"Get on the phone and have a bus sent to my loft!" Turning her attention back to Kennedy, she asked, "Kennedy, can you take the phone to Mommy?"

"Unh-huh. It won’t reach." Olivia swore under her breath.

"Ok. I need you to be a big boy for me. Can you do that? Put the phone down and go check on Mommy and then come back and tell me what’s happening."

While she waited on Kennedy to pick the phone back up, she scribbled down a name and phone number on a piece of paper and shoved it at Elliot.

"The ambulance is on it’s way."

"That’s the Super. Call him and tell him an ambulance is on the way and to let himself into the loft. Tell him Kennedy’s with Alex."

"Mom-Mo?"

"Yes Sweetie?"

"She’s not movin’ and her eyes are closed. And she’s bleedin’."

Fighting to stay calm she said, "Kennedy, Mr. Snow, the Super is going to let himself into the loft, ok? I want you to hang-up and I’m going to call you right back, ok? I’ll be there in a short time, ok?"

She heard him sniffle before saying, "Ok. Hurry Mom-Mo, I’m scared."

She was already out of the precinct and dialing on her cell before she realized Elliot was with her.

"I’ll drive. You need to talk to him and keep him calm." She nodded.

"Mom-Mo?"

"Yeah Sweetie, it’s me. I’m in the car right now."

XXXXXXXX

Elliot threw the dashboard light on and floored it through the fairly empty streets, thankful for once there was a government issued holiday that shut down the markets, court and everything federal.

Olivia listened as Kennedy babbled on about the cartoon he’d been watching before all of this happened. Covering the mouthpiece again, she turned to Elliot and asked, "Did you tell them she was pregnant?"

He nodded and she sent up a silent prayer for Alex and their little girl.

XXXXXXXXX

Arriving at the loft, she saw the ambulance parked out front and some of their neighbors standing around watching. She tore up the stairs and found Mr. Snow holding Kennedy.

"They’re with her Olivia. I think….." She nodded and paused long enough to kiss Kennedy.

"Can you take him out into the hall? I don’t want him to see this." He nodded, and stepped outside the door. Turning, she saw the stretcher with Alex being brought down the steps. Her stomach dropped at the sight of Alex’s pale form.

"You Olivia? She’s been asking for you. You guys have DP papers?" She nodded. "What hospital?"

"Columbia. Her OB is Dr. Brumby."

"You ridin’ with us?"

Looking around she saw Elliot holding Kennedy just outside the door. "Bring him to Columbia And call Meredith." He nodded.

XXXXXXXXXX

Olivia and Meredith were sitting in the waiting room when Elliot came carrying Kennedy down the hall.

"Hey Kennedy. What’ve you got?"

Smiling the little boy held up a yellow looking sponge. "A ‘winkie! Uncle Elliot got it for me!" She smiled at him as Elliot handed him over.

Turning serious, the sandy haird little boy looked at his Mom-Mo and asked, "Is Mommy sick?" Pulling him to her, she rubbed his head and inhaled his baby shampoo scent, trying to figure out the best way to answer him.

"Yes she is, but she’ll be ok."

"Kennedy, let’s go wash the stickiness off of your hands, ok?" Olivia watched as Meredith Cabot and her son walked down the hall in search of a bathroom.

Elliot handed her a cup of coffee and took the seat Meredith had just vacated.

"Liv…." She waved him off, unable to hear what she knew he was about to say.

"Detective Benson?" At her name, she looked up and saw Dr. Brumby approaching.

"Dr. Brumby? How is she?"

"Alex is going to be fine. I’m sorry, but the baby, she didn’t make it. We’re taking her down for a DNC now."

Choking back tears she asked, "Can I see her?"

Dr. Brumby nodded. "They’ll wheel her through here on her way to surgery. It should be another minute or two."

Hearing Meredith and Kennedy approaching, she turned to Elliot and motioned to him. Scooping the boy up, he walked in the opposite direction of where Olivia stood. "Do you want another ‘winkie?"

Meredith and Olivia peered down at the still form of Alex and Olivia kissed her on the forehead, before they wheeled her away. Meredith Cabot rubbed Olivia’s back as they watched the stretcher disappear through the double doors.

Elliot returned with Kennedy short time later and Olivia picked the little boy up and began walking with him.

"Were you scared today Kennedy?" The little boy nodded against her shoulder.

"I ‘membered what you showed me though. I did the phone just like we practiced!"

"I know you did, and I’m very proud of you. You were very brave today, and Mommy was very lucky to have you today. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I was watchin’ Krypto cause Mommy said she didn’ feel too good."

"Did she say what was wrong?" Kennedy shook his head.

"But I think it was her tummy, cause she throwed up." Olivia hugged him closer and rubbed his back, more for her than him.

"How would you like to spend the night with Grandma tonight?"

"Yeah! Do you think she’s let me color on her driveway?" Olivia laughed.

"We’ll have to ask her."

XXXXXXXXX

Olivia had sent everyone home after Alex was settled in a room, and she’d gone home to pack a few things for herself and Alex. As she was stuffing things into the overnight bag, she realized she needed some things out of the bathroom. Flipping on the light, she gasped and became light headed as she saw the dried blood on the floor.

Grabbing the can of Comet from under the sink and a sponge, she began scrubbing the floor. As she scrubbed, hot tears made their way down her cheeks and fell into the mess she was trying to clean up. Slumping against the vanity, she sobbed.

XXXXXXXXXX

Arriving back at the hospital, she found Alex asleep. Taking a seat by her bed, she thought back to another hospital room years before. Shuddering at the memory, she moved in closer and rested her chin on her arms as she watched her wife sleep.

As Alex began to stir, Olivia took her hand, causing Alex’s eyes to fall on her. Taking in Olivia’s face, she saw watery brown eyes. Instinctively, she ran her hand over her midsection. Biting back a sob, she turned away from Olivia.

"I’m sorry."

Standing, she leaned over Alex and hushed her. "You didn’t do anything. Just rest." Alex reached for her and pulled her toward her as best she could. Olivia sat on the edge of the bed and gathered Alex to her. She held the blonde while she cried, and eventually they slept.

Olivia awoke the next morning with Alex clinging to her. She stroked Alex’s head and watched as the blonde came awake. Without raising her head, Alex asked, "It really happened, didn’t it?"

"Yes, it did. I’m sorry and I love you."

"I love you too. Where’s Kennedy?"

"He spent the night with your mother."

"What does he think is going on?"

"He just thinks you’re sick. He handled everything so well yesterday Alex. I’m proud of him." Alex nodded against her chest. "I thought it might be good if he spent a few days with your mother."

"No. I need my baby."

XXXXXXXXXX

Olivia got Alex home and settled into bed before she called Meredith to bring Kennedy home. She opened the door to find Meredith and her son waiting. She picked up Kennedy and gave him a hug and kiss.

"Where’s Mommy?"

"She’s upstairs asleep. Why don’t you go get your Pooh DVD and we’ll watch it down here, ok?" She watched as he ran in the direction of his room.

Meredith pulled her into a hug. "How is she?"

Shaking her head, she answered, "She’s asleep. The pain meds knocked her out cold."

Meredith touched her face. "How are you?"

Olivia shrugged. "I’ll be ok. I more concerned about Alex. She really wanted this baby. We’d just done an ultrasound a a couple of days before. It was a girl."

Taking Olivia’s chin in her hand she said, "So did you. She was yours." Breaking away, Olivia went into the kitchen.

"I’m making spaghetti for dinner."

XXXXXXXXX

Dinner was a quiet affair with the occasional conversation coming from Kennedy.

"Grandma let me draw on her driveway with my chalk."

"She did? What did you draw?"

Twirling his spaghetti on his fork, he said, "You and me and Mommy." Looking up at Olivia he continued, "And a doggie."

Olivia cut her eyes at Kennedy. "A dog, huh?"

He nodded. "Sophie gots a doggie."

Getting up to clear the table, she looked down into familiar blue eyes. Remember what we talked about?" At his crestfallen look she continued, "When you turn four, we’ll talk about getting a dog, ok?"

He smiled and nodded before declaring, "I’m gonna draw Mommy a picture." He took off in the direction of his room to get his crayons and paper.

"I’m going to check in on Alex." Olivia continued clearing the table as Meredith took the stairs to their bedroom.

She found Alex curled on her side, but awake.

"Peanut?"

"Mom? Mom, I lost her." Meredith pulled her daughter into a hug and rocked her.

"It’ll be ok Alex. You and Olivia will get through this. Just give yourself time."

XXXXXXXXXX

After Meredith left, Olivia sat on the couch watching Kennedy work on his drawing. The little boy was very serious and had his tongue hanging out to the side as he drew a tree. Surveying his work, he popped up and said, "All done!"

Taking the picture from her son, she praised him. "This is very good Kennedy. Mommy will like this." Kennedy beamed at her words. "Let’s take this to Mommy, ok?" Olivia held his hand as they climbed the steps.

Sticking her head inside the door, she asked Alex, "Are you up for seeing Co-Counsel?" Alex nodded and Olivia held the door open as Kennedy came flying through.

"Mommy! I drawed you a picture!" Alex grimaced as Kennedy jumped up on the bed.

"Kennedy! Be gentle, Mommy’s still sick."

Kennedy studied his mother carefully, and patted her stomach. "Your tummy bump is gone."

Olivia admonished Kennedy. "Kennedy." Alex placed her hand on Olivia’s arm to forestall whatever she was about to say.

"It’s ok Liv. He doesn’t know. Mommy’s been sick Kennedy." He looked at his mother and then her stomach.

"Your tummy bump is gone because you throwed it up?" She pulled her son to her and kissed him.

"Something like that baby. Would you like to sleep in here with me and Mom-Mo tonight?"

"Yeah!" Olivia picked him up and took him to get changed into his pajamas. As they were about to leave his room, he yelled, "We forgot Pooh!" Smiling, she bent and picked up the yellow bear. She settled him in on Alex’s side and then crawled into bed herself.

Kennedy clung to Pooh, and Alex clung to Kennedy. They were all held in Olivia’s embrace.

"How would you like to spend the day with Aunt Serena and Sophie tomorrow, Kennedy?"

"Yeah! We going to the park?" Alex glanced over her shoulder at Olivia and raised an eyebrow.

"You need your rest Alex, and Liz called to tell me she doesn’t expect to see you back until next week." Alex nodded.

XXXXXXXXX

"Thanks for helping out with him today, Serena." Serena hugged her.

"I’m happy to do it. Jenny’s in upstate today, so I took the day off to spend with Sophie. I’m really sorry you two are going through this Olivia." She hugged and kissed Kennedy, sending him on his way.

XXXXXXXXX

She carried a tray containing breakfast upstairs to Alex and tried to induce her to eat.

"Alex, you need to eat. You lost a lot of blood." She scooped up a fork full of eggs and fed them to her wife. "And drink your juice." Alex resigned herself to eating, even though she didn’t feel like it.

"Since I ate breakfast, will you come and lay with me?"

Olivia took her pants off and slid under the covers.

"I’m sorry I lost your baby Liv." Olivia wiped away the tears that were leaking out of Alex’s eyes.

"Sweetie, you didn’t lose anything. It wasn’t your fault, and it was our baby, not just mine."

Alex sniffed. "I wanted to give you this. I wanted to have your baby. Your little girl, with brown eyes. I failed."

"Alex, you did not fail. If anything, it was my egg. Maybe something’s wrong with me. Maybe my eggs were too old." Alex covered Olivia’s mouth with her hand.

"Don’t say that! These things happen."

"Exactly Alex."

"I want to try again Liv. We still have a few embryos left." Olivia hesitated.

"Let’s see what Dr. Brumby says, ok? Alex nodded.

XXXXXXX

9 Weeks Later

"Liv, why don’t you go home?" Looking up from her paperwork, she gave him a tight smile.

"I still have some work to catch up on." Walking over to her desk, he closed her file and turned her desk lamp off.

"You’ve been catching up on that same paperwork for the last couple of weeks. Go home."

Looking at Elliot, she got up and pushed her chair in. "If I end up on the couch, this is all your fault."

"Are things that bad?" Olivia sighed.

"Not….I don’t know. I haven’t been home that much lately and when I am home, all we seem to do is fight."

Elliot stopped her. "She’s hurting and she’s saying things she doesn’t mean. Just give her a little more time."

"She’s not the only one Elliot."

XXXXXXXX

Alex poured herself another drink and stared at the clock. She was mildly aware when she heard a key in the lock. Olivia found her curled on the couch with all of the lights off, taking a drink from her glass.

"Alex?"

The blonde cocked her head and smirked at the brunette. "Nice of you to come home before midnight, Detective." Olivia took the glass from her and sniffed. She found the lid and placed it on the liquor bottle.

"Where’s Kennedy, and how much have you had?"

Alex attempted to stand, and almost fell. "He’s asleep upstairs. His bedtime is 8 incase you forgot."

Anger flashed in Olivia’s eyes. Yanking the liquor bottle out of Alex’s hands, she demanded, "How much have you had?" When Alex failed to answer her, she strode with the liquor bottle into the kitchen and poured the contents of the bottle down the drain. Going back into the living room, she took the glass from Alex’s hands and turned to head back into the kitchen.

"Give that back!"

Olivia rounded on her. "You are not going to start drinking in front of my son! I spent my entire childhood cleaning up after my mother’s drunken binges! You will not put our son through that! Do you understand?"

Swaying slightly, she countered, "I understand Detective. I understand plenty. I understand you’d rather sleep in the crash room than come home to your family!"

Gripping the glass tighter, she growled, "It’s easier to fuck myself in the Crash Room!"

Caught off guard, Alex stammered, "What?"

Slamming the glass down, Olivia shouted, "I said it’s easier to fuck myself in the damn Crash Room! God knows I’m not fucking you. Every time I reach for you, you pull away!"

Alex’s right hand was flying forward until Olivia caught it. Defiantly, Alex hissed, "If you want it so bad, then take it! If that’s what it’ll take to get you to come home, then by all means, take it!" Olivia released her hand. "But you need to understand Olivia, it’s not going to make me feel better, because nothing can come from our making love! Nothing!" Olivia took a step forward, but Alex backed away as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"What are you saying Alex?" Olivia held her breath as she waited for Alex to answer her.

"We can’t make a baby and that’s what I need!" Turning, she ran up the stairs. Olivia flinched as the sound of the door shutting echoed throughout the loft. She could also hear the muffled sobs of Alex coming from their bedroom.

Following the sound of the sobs, she saw Kennedy standing at the top of the stairs with his Pooh. "Hey Co-Counsel. Did we wake you?" She said this as she made her way up the stairs.

Wiping his nose on his sleeve, he turned confused eyes up to Olivia. "Why did you make Mommy cry?"

Sitting at the top of the stairs, she tried to pull him to her. "No! You made Mommy cry, and I don’t like you anymore!" She watched as he ran down the hall and opened the door to the bedroom. A few minutes later, she saw Alex get up and close the door.

She walked into Kennedy’s room and sat on his race car toddler bed. She picked up one of his other stuffed bears and inhaled Kennedy’s scent. Giving in to her exhaustion, she curled up on the too small bed and drifted off to sleep. She awoke the next morning with a stiff neck.

Easing down the hallway, she peeked in on Alex and Kennedy. Finding them asleep, she left the loft and headed for the station.

After taking a shower and changing into her spare clothes, she settled in on paperwork. Elliot tried to talk to her all day, but finally gave up when he grew tired of getting only one word answers. She waited until she was sure Alex was in court and left her a message letting her know she would be working late that night and would probably sleep at the station.

And so it went for 3 days.

XXXXXXXXXXX

On the fourth day, she’d just picked up the phone to call Alex and leave her another message when she heard a familiar squeal. "Mom-Mo! Mom-Mo!" Surprised, she dropped the phone and accepted the bundle of energy that jumped into her lap.

"hey Kennedy. What are you doing here?"

Patting her face he said, "I missed you. I thought you was mad at me, but Mommy says you been chasin’ bad guys." He looked at her as if he were waiting for her to agree.

Looking over his head at Alex, she said, "She did, huh? Well she’s right." Taking in Alex’s appearance, she realized her wife looked as badly as she did. "Why don’t you go see Uncle Munch and Fin?" He scampered down off of her lap and went in search of Uncle Unch, as he called him.

"May I speak to you for a moment, Olivia?" She led Alex into the interrogation room and shut the door behind them. Unsure of what to say, they stood looking at each other for a full minute before Alex spoke. "He’s missed you Liv." Olivia nodded as she stared at her feet.

Looking up she asked, "He the only one?"

"No. Baby, we need to talk. I thought I might see if he could spend tomorrow night with Jenny and Serena?" Olivia nodded.

"I’ll be home early. I promise." Now it was Alex who nodded.

"I thought you might like to have dinner with him so I ordered you guys a pizza."

"Thank you."

"I’ll be back in an hour and a half."

"You’re not staying?" Alex shook her head.

"He needs some undivided attention Liv. He thought you were mad at him and that’s why you weren’t coming home." She left Olivia standing in the interrogation room.

XXXXXXXXX

Olivia laughed as Kennedy kept chewing the never ending cheese from his slice of pizza.

"That good, Co-Counsel?"

"Mmmmhmmm!"

"Do you want to go play in the interrogation room?" He nodded and she picked him up and carried him into the one way.

As she held him, he played with the speaker box. "Kennedy, you know I love you, right?" He nodded. "And you know I’m not mad at you?" He looked at her.

"You’re not?" She smiled at him.

"No."

"Then why you not been comin’ home? I miss you readin’ me my bedtime story."

Not wanting to lie to him, she simply answered, "I’ve had some work to do, but nothing will ever be more important than you, ok?" He nodded. "Kennedy, why would you think I’m mad at you?"

Tears welled up in his eyes. "Cause I said I didn’t like you anymore."

Hugging him she said, "You were just mad Kennedy. It’s ok to get mad at people sometimes. I know you still love me and I still love you, ok?" Smiling he nodded.

"So you’ll come home and read to me tonight?"

Pulling out her cell phone, she called Alex. "It’s me. I thought I’d save you the trouble of coming back down here and bring him home when I come. Is that ok?"

"Yes. Don’t be late, he has Mother’s Day out tomorrow." Both women released a breath as they hung up.

XXXXXXXXXX

She tucked him into his bed and read him his story. She wasn’t sure where she was going to sleep, but that decision was soon made for her as Kennedy asked in his sleepy voice, "Sleep with me Mom-Mo."

"Ok. Just let me go tell Mommy."

Walking down the hall, she stood in the doorway of the bedroom nervously. "Alex?" Looking up from her book, she gave Olivia her attention. "He wants me to sleep with him."

Alex smiled at her. "I think that’s great. He needs you." They stared at each other until Olivia looked away.

"Ok." She walked back down the hall and mentally cursed the decision to buy him a toddler bed.

Alex woke them up the next morning. "Can you take him to Mother’s Day out?" Half asleep, she nodded. Alex smiled as she kissed Kennedy and ruffled Olivia’s hair. "I’ll see you tonight?" Olivia nodded.

XXXXXXXXX

Olivia found Alex in the kitchen when she arrived home, stirring a pot of soup. "Hey."

Alex smiled at her. "Go have a seat in the living room and I’ll be right out."

Alex carried the bowls of soup into the living room and sat them down. They ate in relative silence, neither meeting the eyes of the other. Alex finished eating first and sat watching Olivia.

"I’m sorry."

"For?"

"For getting drunk while Kennedy was in my care. I’m sorry I put you and him through that. I know what your childhood was like and I just didn’t think Olivia. I…I’m sorry."

Olivia sat her bowl down and collected her thoughts. "That really pissed me off Alex. It was unacceptable, and there won’t be a second time. Do you understand?" She nodded.

"I’m also sorry for shutting you out, and not clarifying what I meant by our making love." Olivia motioned for her to continue. "I know you’ve reached out to me and all I’ve done is push you away and pick fights with you. I’m not even sure why I’ve done that, except that this hurt Olivia. This hurt worse than getting shot and going into Witness Protection, because I knew I’d find a way to come back. It hurts worse than when we broke up because I knew I’d still have you in my life in some way. But this, I wanted this so badly for you and me and Kennedy. But mostly for you. And now, I feel so empty inside, like there is a big hole that’s never going to close. We’ll never see her, or hold her or anything. And the thought of sex just reminds me of what I don’t have growing inside me anymore."

Olivia came to sit on the coffee table, and took Alex’s hands in her own, pulling her wife to her for a hug. "It hurt when you said nothing could come from our making love. It made me feel…..inadequate. I know I can never give you a baby. I know the limitations of lesbian sex." Both women managed a small smile. "Why is it so important for you to have a baby using my egg?"

"How old were you when you found out about your mother’s rape?"

"Found out? 7. Knew what it meant? 12. But you know all of this." Alex nodded.

"And how long have you had the fear that evil was lurking somewhere deep inside you? That you were just like your father?" Olivia looked away. "I remember the Guan case and not long after I came back Elliot told me about the baseball playing child molester case and you conversation afterwards." She met Olivia’s eyes again. "How many blood relatives do you have? How many people can you look at and say, ‘we came from the same place?’"

Olivia felt the tears spring into her eyes. "You know I don’t have any." Alex nodded.

"And I know you. I know that no matter how hard I try to reassure you, that no matter how good you are with Kennedy, no matter how much we love you, you will always have doubts. You will always think you are one incident away from becoming your father. I think if you had a blood child, you might realize that you are so much more than your genes. And you might also know that your genes are worth passing on. Your eyes, your smile, your hair, your intellect, your lips, your compassion. All of it."

Alex hugged Olivia to her. "Thank you, but I need to tell you how I feel. I’ve cleaned your blood up twice now Alex, and I can’t do it a third time." At Alex’s confused look she explained, "When I came home to pack some stuff for you after the…miscarriage, I found your dried blood on the bathroom floor. Blood from you and our child. I had to clean it up, just like when you got shot."

"Oh baby. I didn’t know."

"Alex, Dr. Brumby says there is a 50-50 chance you could miscarry again. The damage you suffered." Olivia shrugged. "I don’t like those odds. You almost died with Velez and having Kennedy and now this." Olivia shook her head. "If we play with fire enough times Alex, we’ll eventually get burnt."

"Baby, there’s also a 50-50 chance nothing will happen. You’ve made it abundantly clear you do not want to carry a child. I understand why. I just want to try one more time. If it doesn’t end well, then we’ll just make do having one child. Please?"

"Let me think about it, ok?" Alex agreed.

"Let’s go to bed. I’ve missed having you hold me."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia pulled the covers over them and snuggled in close to her wife.

"I’m sorry I left Alex. I promised you I wouldn’t when we moved in here. I just, I needed some space myself. It never occurred to me what Kennedy would think about my leaving."

"It’s ok."

Olivia was almost asleep when Alex asked, "You didn’t mean what you said about doing that in the Crash Room, did you?" After several seconds and no answer, she nudged Olivia. "Well?"

"Uh, no?"

XXXXXXXXX

6 months later

"Kennedy, it’s time for bed."

"Jus’ one more Mommy! It’s my birthday!" Olivia held the Nerf football, while Kennedy took aim. Running towards the ball, he connected with it. All three watched as it arced through the air and bounced off the wall, taking a framed picture of Meredith Cabot with it.

"Olivia." The brunette stole a kiss from her wife as she righted the photograph and Kennedy hid behind the sofa. Alex sighed. "The first time Clarence has an accident, you’re cleaning it up!"

Olivia looked down at the scrawny terrier in warning.

As they were tucking Kennedy in, Alex and Olivia sat on either side of the bed.

"Did you have a good birthday?" He nodded.

"I like my football set and my new big boy bed, but I really like Clarence the best!"

Olivia smiled at him. "Would you like to have a baby sister?"

Pulling Clarence close to him, he asked, "Do I hafta get rid of Clarence?" His mothers laughed.

"No." He smiled.

"Ok. When she getting’ here?" Alex placed his hand on her belly.

"In about 4 months."

"Good. That gives me time to get ready." He looked at Alex’s stomach again. "How’s she gettin’ outta there?"

Olivia spoke before Alex could, "The stork is bringing her. Goodnight."

XXXXXXXXX

Standing outside Kennedy’s room, Alex pulled Olivia to her. "It’s going to be ok Liv. The ultrasound was normal and I’m past the point of my last pregnancy." Olivia smiled and nodded, while rubbing Alex’s belly. "Follow me Detective. A day spent with a house full of four year olds has left me a little…tense. Think you can help me?"