SVULadies

Alex made her way to the hotel and let herself into the suite. She came to a stop when she saw Olivia standing with her back to Alex, naked. Olivia looked over her shoulder at Alex. Turning, she held her arms open to Alex. Dropping her attache case and coat, Alex hurried to Olivia's side.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

"I love you Alex."

"I love you too honey. What's going on?"

"I saw George last night."

"Where?"

"His apartment. Did you know he's gay?" Alex noticed the monotone timbre of Olivia's voice. Taking Olivia by the hand, she led her into the bedroom. They sat on the edge of the bed holding hands.

"No. I wasn't aware that George is gay. What time were you at George's?"

Olivia scratched her head. "Uh, around 11, I think. I-I told George."

"You told George what, honey?"

"About what I did." Olivia's eyes slammed shut as she said this. Alex waited for her to continue, but when she didn't, she spoke.

"Olivia, look at me." Olivia turned to face her.

"What you did last night, took a lot of courage. I'm very proud of you." Alex noted a flicker in Olivia's eyes at her words. Olivia seemed to come back to herself and began playing with Alex's hair.

"Thank you for being here." Olivia slid her hand behind Alex's neck and drew her into a kiss. Alex allowed the kiss to last for only a short time before pulling away.

"Liv, don't. And please put some clothing on." Stung, Olivia pulled away and grabbed at the sheets, attempting to cover herself.

"I'll wait for you in the living area."

"Alex? I'm, uh, dressed." Alex gave a half smile as she turned to look at Olivia, as she saw her wearing pink sweats. Hesitantly, Olivia took a step toward Alex. Alex met her halfway and took Olivia's hands in her own.

"I love you Olivia Benson. As long as you're trying, I'll be here for you. If you'll let me in, we can get you through this, together."

Olivia opened her mouth to say something, but her stomach made a loud growling noise. Both women laughed.

"I think somebody's hungry." Olivia grinned.

"What would you and your Co-counsel like to have?" Alex looked at Olivia, confused.

"Co-counsel?" Olivia made a gesture toward Alex's stomach. Alex protectively placed her hand on her belly and began rubbing. Well, it's a start.

"Cheese steaks. With extra onions."

"Cheese steaks? Okaaaaay." Olivia pulled out the phone book and flipped through until she found a place that would deliver. She was amazed at the amount of food Alex was able top put away. She ate all of her sandwich, half of Olivia's, and both of their fries.

At Olivia's shocked _expression, Alex shrugged and answered, "Co-counsel's hungry." Olivia smiled.

"Speaking of Co-counsel, have you decided on a pediatrician yet?" Alex shook her head.

"O'Malley at the 3-3 and his wife use Dr. Yen. They really like her. You should probably go ahead and get on the waiting list for her." Alex smiled.

"I'll take that under advisement, Detective."

"Are you going to do natural childbirth?"

Wiping her mouth, Alex replied, "Depends on who's in the room with me." She was looking directly at Olivia as she said this last part.

"Afraid Fin can't handle it?" Her attempt at humor fell flat, as Alex got up and began clearing the dinner mess. Silently, Olivia cursed herself.

"Alex, wait."

"Don't Olivia."

"Alex....." She reached for her, but Alex knocked her hand away.

"Don't touch me. Don't touch me until you're ready to love us. Us, Olivia."

"I can't love you and your, the.....baby, until I get beyond what I did." Resigned, Alex gave a nod.

Picking up her clothing from the day before, Olivia left the suite. As Alex watched her collect her clothing, and leave the suite, she felt surprisingly calm. Olivia made her way out of the hotel and began to jog. She jogged to her apartment and dumped her clothing from the day before, and then she made a phone call.

"Stabler."

"Where are you?"

"Hello to you to, Liv."

"I said, where are you?" Hearing the edge to her voice, Elliot gripped the phone tighter.

"What's wrong?"

"I'll meet you at Maloney's. I'm jogging, so it'll be a while."

"Do you want me to come and get you?" The only reply he got was the sound of a dial tone.

Elliot beat Olivia to the bar and gave her a raised eyebrow at the site of her in pink sweats.

"They belong to Alex."

"You ok?"

Slumping into the booth, she answered, "No, I'm not. I just fucked up the best thing to ever happen in my life."

Elliot listened as Olivia told him what happened with Alex.

"Liv, listen to me. Whatever you did, it was a lifetime a go. You were a different person then. Don't let the past interfere with the present and future. You know don't you, that whatever you did, I'll still love you?" Olivia fought against the images that tried to flood her mind.

"I appreciate it Elliot, but it's not about you loving me. It's about me loving me. Me forgiving me. Until I get to that point, I can't be with Alex and the baby."

"So what are you going to do Liv? How do we fix this?"

"We don't Elliot. I have to do this alone."

Annoyed, Elliot clasped her hands. "Haven't you been alone enough? Do you want to die alone?"

Standing up, Olivia replied, "It was good enough for my mother."

Elliot watched as she got up to leave. Reaching out his hand, he grabbed her.

“Let go Elliot!”

“Not until you listen to me.” Giving up, she sat back down.

“You are not your mother. You deserve better than she got. You deserve love and a family. A life beyond your job.”

“Do I?”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Elliot slammed his hand down on the table. Olivia shut her eyes and shook her head.

Noooooooo.

“Liv? Liv?”

“I just…..I’ve been having flashbacks, images, whatever you want to call it.”

Concerned, Elliot leaned in. “Of what?”

“What I did.”

Elliot rubbed his temples. “Have you told Alex?”

She shook her head. “Just Huang.”

A little hurt, Elliot replied, “You talked to Huang?” He didn’t need to add “But not me?”

“This is not about you Elliot. I have to see him for at least 10 sessions.” She shrugged.

“Figured I might as well get something out of it. It’s his job.” Reluctantly he nodded.

“Ok. So you told Huang and the world didn’t end. That ought to tell you something. You tell Huang about these…flashbacks?”

“No. They didn’t really start until after I told him. I slept at Alex’s today, and every time I’d dream, I’d see the images. Every time I woke up, they were there. The least little thing seems to trigger them.”

Elliot clasped her hand again. “Call Huang. Tell him about these….flashbacks or whatever they are. Let him help you. Please. And Liv? Don’t shut Alex out. You’d make a wonderful mother.”

Olivia was playing with her napkin. “Do you really think so?”

“Definitely." Olivia pondered his comment.

“Why?”

“Because you have the biggest heart of anyone I know, and loving kids is 90% of the job.”

“What about everything else?”

Elliot shrugged. “Liv, you’re ethical, moral, loving, nurturing and reasonable. Well, most of the time you’re reasonable.” They laughed.

“How far along is Alex now?”

“Right at 6 months.” Elliot grinned.

“You lucky dog.” At Olivia’s confused look he said, “Second trimester, raging hormones, lots of sex….” He grinned.

“If only. We’re not having sex.”

“Why the hell not?”

“It’s complicated.” At Elliot’s look she explained, “I….haven’t been able to touch… her belly. She told me tonight when I tried to…..” Olivia gestured with her hands. “You know, that until I could love them both, touch her belly, no nookie.”

“Nookie? In 6 months you’ve not touched her belly once?” She shook her head. “What’s wrong with you? That’s a rejection of her as a woman, mother and wife.”

“I’ve never rejected her!”

“Really? How’d you like to be pregnant, your body changing everyday, feeling unattractive, maybe even ugly, and not have anyone to make you feel good about yourself?”

“Alex knows I find her attractive right now.”

“How?”

“I told her. A few weeks ago she wanted to do something for me and I wouldn’t let her. She wanted to know if I found her repulsive and I told her it was quite the opposite.”

“Why not let her “do something” for you?”

Olivia ran her hand through her hair. “She’s pregnant. It didn’t seem right somehow.”

“Did you tell her that?”

“…yeah. Sort of.”

Elliot groaned. “Get your head out of your ass! You won’t touch her belly for whatever reason. That’s a rejection of her as a pregnant woman. Do you get it now?” Olivia just looked at him. Shaking his head, he go up to leave. “Fix this Liv.”

She watched him walk out the door of the bar. She pulled out her cell and called Huang at home. After making an appointment with him for the next day, she hung-up.

Leaving the bar, she saw that it was snowing heavily. She began walking, and eight blocks later, she was standing in front of Alex's hotel. Without much thought, she went in and was soon standing in front of Alex's door. Realizing she'd left her key card in the suite, she reached out her hand and lightly knocked.

Alex thought she heard a knock on the door, but waited to see if it happened again. When it did, she went to see who it was. Looking through the peep hole, she saw a wet, shivering Olivia. She started to tell her to go away, but Olivia spoke.

"Please Alex. I know you're there. I can feel you." Reluctantly, Alex opened the door.

"You're wet." Olivia nodded.

"It's snowing."

Touching Olivia's hair, she said, "I can see that by the snow flakes in your hair."

"I walked here from Maloney's."

"You walked eight blocks in the snow wearing only my sweats, no jacket?"

"I guess I did."

"My God Olivia. You'll get pneumonia! Get in here." She reached out and pulled Olivia into the suite. "Let's get you out of these clothes and into a warm shower."

Olivia allowed Alex to lead her into the bathroom. She watched while Alex turned on the shower and helped her out of her wet clothing. Alex maneuvered Olivia under the shower spray and began soaping her body. She then shampooed Olivia's hair. Olivia drew the hand holding the shampoo to her nose and inhaled the familiar scent. Alex continued the trek to Olivia's head and gently massaged the shampoo into her hair before rinsing.

Olivia took the bath sponge from her and returned the favor. She went all around Alex's belly with the soapy sponge. Alex bit back her frustration and closed her eyes in resignation.

Gently, Olivia began rubbing Alex's belly with the soapy sponge. Dropping the sponge, she ran her hands lovingly over Alex's belly.

Startled, Alex eyes flew open and she saw Olivia watching her hands move across her belly. Olivia maneuvered Alex under the spray with her back against the wall. Slowly and carefully she rinsed her off, paying special attention to Alex's now outie belly button.

Holding Alex's belly in both hands, she smiled and leaned in to kiss Alex. Alex reacted by cupping Olivia's right breast in one hand and her left hand on Olivia's hip. In a fluid motion that should have been impossible for a wet pregnant woman, Alex had Olivia's back pinned against the shower wall.

Grinning, Alex ran her tongue down the front of Olivia's body. Easing down on her knees, her lips found Olivia's clit. Using her tongue and lips, she was relentless, drinking in the taste and feel of Olivia.

"Don't stop. Don't stop. Please don't stop!" Hearing Olivia's plea, Alex slid two fingers inside her as she continued her oral assault. She slid in and out of Olivia once, twice and three times before Olivia came.

"Alex!" Feeling boneless and lightheaded, she managed to glance down at Alex, who was smiling up at her. Slightly recovered, she held out her hand to Alex and gently eased her up. Reaching behind her back, she turned the water off.

She helped Alex out first and then herself. She wrapped Alex up in a fluffy white towel and then herself. Wiping the condensation from the mirror, she tugged Alex's towel down.

Feeling self conscious, Alex tried to cover herself.

Olivia stopped her. "Don't. You're beautiful." Alex laughed self consciously.

Olivia watched in the mirror as her own hands explored Alex's body. She was fascinated by Alex's nipples.

"Your nipples are darker." Embarrassed, Alex ducked her head and reached for a bottle of lotion called "Mother's Friend." At Olivia's look, she explained.

"It helps fight stretch marks."

Olivia nodded and took the bottle from Alex and led her to the bed. She motioned for Alex to lie down. Settling between Alex's legs, she began working the lotion all around her belly, kissing it as she went along. Alex slipped her fingers into Olivia's hair to get her attention.

"Thank you." Olivia knew she meant for more than the lotion.

"I want to taste you."

"All those books." Smiling, she worked her way down the bed. Easing forward, she touched her tongue to Alex. As wet as she was, Olivia's face was soon covered with Alex. Navigating Alex's belly, Olivia kissed her languorously.

"Pink, your little friend?" Alex could feel her body flush. She pointed in the direction of the night stand.

"Bottom drawer. All the way back." Finding what she was looking for, she had Alex sit up and began stacking pillows against the headboard. Olivia inspected Pink.

Olivia pulled Alex back against her. She began by kissing Alex's neck and letting her hands wander all over her body. Alex threw her head back and hissed as Olivia ran her palms over her nipples.

"You're breasts are beautiful. Darker. And much bigger." Finished with her breasts, Olivia moved on to her belly.

Olivia's hands found their way to Alex's center. She teased the opening, gathering the moisture there and spreading it over Alex's sex.

Reaching next to her, Olivia picked up Pink. Dipping her fingers back into Alex, she used the wetness there to lube up Pink. Olivia slid her legs up in under Alex's thighs, raising them until they were on the outside of her thighs. Pulling Alex back against her, she gently pushed into Alex with Pink.

Alex pulled Olivia's head down until their lips met in a searing kiss. Olivia kept pressing Pink in deeper and deeper until Alex's back arched and she was holding onto Olivia with both hands.

Olivia picked up the pace, driving Alex closer and closer. She reached around and flicked her clit, sending Alex spiraling.

"Oh Jesus! God! I love you Livvie!" Olivia slammed her eyes shut and held Alex tighter to ward off the memories. She started to slow her movements as Alex started returning to herself.

Completely withdrawing Pink, she placed it on the night stand. Alex pulled her head down again for another long kiss. Sensing something was wrong, Alex looked at Olivia, who was squeezing her eyes shut.

Olivia helped her into a sitting position and went to put Pink in the bathroom. Returning with a warm washcloth, she cleaned Alex. Returning from the bathroom, Olivia placed a pillow long ways in the bed. Then she eased Alex on to her side, using the pillow to support her belly.

Alex wanted to ask Olivia what had changed in the two hours since she'd been gone, but she was too tired for that conversation.

There was a knock at the door and Olivia found her clothes from the day before. Slipping them on, she went to see who it was.

"Maintenance. Jus' wanna let you know there's a leak next door. We're gonna be over there makin some noise. Sorry for the trouble."

Returning to the bed, Olivia slipped her pants off and slid in behind Alex, who'd put on a gown.

"I like that." Before Alex could respond, there was a series of loud bangs coming from next door. "So much for peace and quiet."

Suddenly, Alex grabbed Olivia's hand and placed it low on her belly. Just as Olivia felt the baby kick, a loud grinding noise came from next door. Olivia slammed her eyes shut against the images in her mind and yanked her hand away from Alex.

Feeling the bile rise in her throat, Olivia stumbled out of bed and made it to the toilet. Confused, Alex watched as Olivia heaved into the bowl until she had the dry heaves.

"Olivia what's wrong?" Alex went to help Olivia, but was pushed aside. Olivia ran out of the bathroom and pulled on her pants.

"What is wrong with you?" As she grabbed her arm, Olivia turned to face her. Alex noted the vacant look in her eyes as Olivia yelled, "Don't you ever touch me again!" Yanking her arm free, she ran out the door.

Olivia woke up on the couch disoriented and with a raging headache. Making her way into the kitchen, she took some Tylenol and drank some orange juice. She debated calling Elliot, but realizing it was 3:30am, she nixed the thought.

Settling back on the couch, she tried to piece together exactly what had happened. She was sure by the ache in her muscles that they'd made love, but why she was in her apartment instead of curled around Alex was lost on her.

Giving up, she turned over and pulled the afghan around her and tried to go back to sleep.

Alex awoke with a pounding headache after a sleepless night. She made her way to the office and made it through the early morning until time for her appointment with George.

"I had a hell of a night George. I didn't get much sleep and my head is killing me."

"Yes, Olivia. Last night was so confusing. First we had a discussion about her touching me and she left. Then she came back and I thought we were on the same page. Guess not."

"I don't know how much you know about pregnant women George, but the second trimester is an especially needy time for pregnant women." Alex let the statement hang the air, hoping George would pick up on what she was saying.

"Yesterday was especially bad. One kiss from Olivia, and I would have been gone."

Alex took off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose. "God, my head hurts. George, we can't turn to sex to solve all of our problems. I love making love with Olivia, but now it's just too painful. I let her touch me, make love to me last night, and then she ran out on me. Yelled at me to never touch her again. She even threw-up until she dry heaved."

"It would seem that she has made some progress in acknowledging the baby. She gave the baby a nickname and she did touch your belly. You also mentioned finding the baby books in her apartment. What were you expecting her to say when you mentioned who would be in the room with you during childbirth?"

"I wasn't expecting her to volunteer, but something other than a lame joke about Fin. A joke!"

George took in Alex's flushed face and her obviously agitated state. "Alex, why don't you call your OB ?"

Fin held Alex's hand as Dr. Brumby examined her and strapped a fetal monitor to her belly.

"Alex, I want you to take it easy for the next couple of days. Get lots of rest and avoid stress. I'm prescribing a high blood pressure medicine. I want to see you back on Monday."

Dr. Brumby looked at her. "Then you'll probably have pre-eclampsia. Don't think about that. Just concentrate on staying calm."

"Not so good. Something happened last night with Alex." George remained silent. "After I left here yesterday morning, I went to Alex's hotel room. I slept there all day yesterday. When she came home, I tried to initiate....sex. She stopped me and told me that until I could touch her belly, love her and the baby, no sex. I understood that on some level. I left and met Elliot at Maloney's. We talked and he gave me a good old fashioned kick in the ass. I understood what he was saying and saw how I had been treating Alex. I never considered that I might be rejecting her. Or that she'd see it that way. All I wanted to do was see her and make it right. So I went back to her hotel."

Olivia smiled at the memory. "We made love. It was incredible. She was incredible."

"What do you mean your not sure? Not sure as in everything happened so fast, or not sure as in you don't remember?"

Olivia bit her lip. "I think.....I don't remember. I know we made love, but I have no memory after that. I woke up in my apartment, on my couch." She shrugged.

George considered his options. "I'm going to share something with you that Alex told me this morning. I asked her permission to share this with you if it came up. Alex said you were touching her belly when a loud noise came from the room next door. She said you ran from the bed, threw-up, and screamed at her to never touch you again."

"What? Why would I say that to her?" Olivia was visibly upset. "I have to go to her. I have to make this right."

"Olivia, calm down. We need to finish this and find out why you blacked out." Reluctantly, she sat back down.

"It was, you know, life. A part of Alex. That was nice. Great actually." She was smiling at this admission.

"I never said that. The idea of raising a child with Alex is appealing." Her smile faded. "You know what I need to work through, and I'm trying."

"Olivia, have you ever considered that a child is an extension of Alex? A piece of her to live on?"

Angry, she answered, "Yeah, it has occurred to me. Has it occurred to any of you that Alex might piss off another drug lord and get killed or have to go into hiding again? Then what happens to Co-Counsel?"

George and Olivia sat looking at each other. "Do you think touching her belly had anything to do with your blackout?"

Olivia snorted. "You know it did. Look, I really want to see Alex right now. I need to make this right."

Using her cell phone, she called Alex's office and got voicemail. She then tried her cell phone and again got voicemail. As a last resort, she called the hotel and was told Alex's suite was not accepting phone calls. Hailing a cab she headed to the hotel.

Fin returned from the lobby where he'd asked that no incoming calls be allowed through. He found Alex in bed, channel surfing.

Fin walked over to the bed and sat on the edge. "Alex, I asked the front desk to not accept calls for this room, turned off your cell and put a do not disturb sign on the door. What do you want me to do about Liv?"

Alex shut the TV off and closed her eyes. "Maybe she won't call?" Fin huffed. "I get the point Fin. I don't know. I love her, but I have to do what's best for this baby. Can you stay and handle it?"

Olivia took the elevator up to Alex's room, stopping when she saw the do not disturb sign. Gently she knocked on the door and waited. She was surprised when Fin opened the door. She attempted to lean into the suite, but Fin blocked her.

"This isn't a good time Liv." He started to close the door, but Olivia stuck her foot into the doorway.

"What's going on? Is she ok? Is the baby ok?" Fin motioned for her to step outside.

"Look Liv, the doctor's concerned about her blood pressure. She needs to just chill this weekend. No stress, no fuss, no drama." He didn't need to add, no you.

She debated going to a bar, but thought better of it. She ended up going home and getting online. She visited all of the pregnancy sites she'd book marked earlier. She searched for the effects of high blood pressure on pregnant women. She finally crawled onto the couch around 2 am. For once, her sleep was dreamless.

She woke up around 9 am and called Elliot to see if Kathy was home. She briefly explained what she needed and made plans to go to Queens later that day.

Picking up the phone, she called Jenny. An hour later, Fin opened the door and showed Jenny in.

"Bed rest through Monday and then a re-check with the doctor. The it's just wait and see."

"Olivia and I are....I don't know what we are. She's trying. Can we not talk about her?"

Alex shook her head. "No. My mother called a realtor and I've found three apartments I like. I should hurry, huh?"

Fin gave her the look. "No. I brought you some healthy, low salt food. We got some turkey, mashed potatoes, and a vegetable medley." Alex groaned.

"You people and your mashed potatoes!" Despite her complaining, Alex wolfed down the meal. Fin just smiled. After she ate, Alex stretched out and went to sleep.

Olivia and Kathy went into the dinning room to talk. Kathy sat a cup of coffee in front of Olivia.

"Thanks Kath. Alex's blood pressure is high. I did some research online last night and found this pre-eclampsia and eclampsia condition. How bad is this?"

"I won't lie Olivia. This can be risky Olivia. If she has or develops either condition, several bad things can happen. Everything from delivery of an unviable fetus, to premature delivery, which has it's own problems, and at worst....Alex could die."

"I'd have to know more about Alex's condition Olivia. The important thing is to keep her calm, stress free and happy."

Kathy took her hand. "Olivia, whatever is going on between you two, I can assure you that Alex needs you. Some of her stress may be because she is going through this alone. Don't push, but be there for her."

Kathy stopped her. "Don't live in what ifs Olivia. Life is full of them. You need to work on just living, ok? Don't push, but be there for her."

Traffic was heavy going back into the city, so it took nearly twice as long as usual. She stood nervously in front of Alex's door, debating whether or not to knock.

Finally working up the courage, she rapped lightly on the door. Fin opened the door and placed a finger to his lips.

"She's asleep. Let's talk out here." They stood in the hallway looking at each other.

"Just restless. I'm not letting her out of bed and it's driving her crazy." They shared a grin.

"You finally believe that?" She didn't answer him. "She needs you right now Liv. She could...." Olivia stopped him.

"I talked to Kathy about the high blood pressure. I know what can happen. I'm willing to do whatever is necessary to help her through this. Including staying away if necessary."

Olivia stopped by an all natural remedy store and explained Alex's condition to the manager. After a lengthy discussion, she left the store with several bottles of vitamins and herbs that were supposed to lower your blood pressure. Her next stop was at a baby store.

"Uh, I'm just looking. My partner....ex partner....Alex, is expecting. I wanted to get the baby something. It's a boy. The clerk smiled at Olivia and showed her to a section of clothing for newborns.

Olivia found several sleepers, layettes and onesies that she liked. As she continued shopping, she found something called a "womb bear."

"That's a womb bear. See this knob? Turn it and the bear simulates the sounds of the womb. This is to transition the baby from the womb to the outside world."

As she was making her way to the checkout, she spotted something she'd never seen before. After figuring out what it was, she added it to the pile and checked out. $436.00 later, she was making her way back to the apartment.

"Fin, why don't you go home and I'll see you tomorrow?" He looked at her skeptically.

"Yes, I am. Besides, I've monopolized enough of your time and Jenny is coming by today."

Jenny arrived about an hour later with Jenny and Mac in tow. Fin raised his eyebrow at Alex after she introduced them.

Alex played with the baby as the three of them talked. When Mac went to use the bathroom, Jenny whispered, "I'm sorry Alex. She invited herself."

"Don't worry about it." They continued to talk for the next few hours until Sophie became restless from hunger. Jenny excused herself and went into the bathroom to breastfeed.

"So, Alex, we never had coffee." Mac moved so that she was sitting next to Alex.

"How's the second trimester coming Alex?" Alex was feeling very uncomfortable, and attempted to put as much distance between herself and Mac.

"I'm good Mac. Really." Mac leaned into Alex, running her hand from Alex’s thigh to her belly.

She closed the distance and captured Alex's lips with her own. Alex attempted to get away from Mac by turning her head, but Mac wrapped her hand around Alex's neck.

At Alex's raised voice, Jenny hurried from the bathroom carrying Sophie. Before she could do anything, a blur of motion had Mac pinned against the wall.

"No means NO. It doesn't mean maybe or try again later. She told you no twice!" Olivia looked at Alex.

"It would never stand up in court Liv." She could see Olivia processing what she'd just said. Nodding, she released Mac.

"Get out of here, and don't ever come near Alex or the baby again! Got it?" Mac nodded as she scrambled out the door.

"Jenny, this is not your fault. This Mac, she made her choices. Do you need a ride home?" At Jenny's nod, she called the front desk and ordered a cab.

Olivia glanced at Alex. "Are you ok?" Alex nodded. “I'm going to help Jenny and her baby to the cab. I'll be right back."

"Sweetie?" Alex continued brushing until her gums began to bleed. Alarmed, Olivia took the toothbrush from her. Alex collapsed against Olivia.

"She took control, just like Velez, Hammond and everybody else these last three years of my life. I didn't have a say in my own life! Go here, go there, be this person, no this person, time to move again. And she thinks she can just come in here and tell me what I need and want? Fucking bitch."

"Shhhhh. Sweetheart, calm down. I'm here and nothing is going to hurt you or the baby. Shhhhh."

Olivia reached for the bag she'd dropped when she found Mac pawing at Alex. Pulling out one of the natural remedies she'd bought, she gave it to Alex.

"Cucumber extract. It's a natural remedy for controlling high blood pressure. It won't hurt the baby. I have others in here too."

Alex took the pill and clung to Olivia. When she finally calmed down, she asked Olivia for something.

"Would you....kiss me? I can feel her lips on mine and I don't want that." Tipping Alex's head up, she kissed her gently, yet thoroughly.

Slyly Alex replied, "I don't know. I might need another sample." Olivia obliged.

"Just a few things I picked up for Co-counsel." She showed Alex everything she'd bought, including the 'belly phone' for talking or reading to the baby. It basically looked like a giant pair of headphones for a basketball. Alex found this item particularly amusing, and gave Olivia a hard time for buying it.

"I'm trying Alex. I'm sorry I freaked out on you the other night. George says I blacked out. I had no idea why I'd awoken on the couch. Why I wasn't with you, until I saw George Friday afternoon. He told me what you said I'd done." Olivia could feel Alex tense against her.

"Shhh. I'm working on it sweetheart." Alex tried to shift her position and grimaced.

Olivia helped her onto her left side and propped pillows around her for support.

Olivia retrieved the lotion from the bathroom and began rubbing Alex's lower back.

"Remember how we used to relieve tension?" They both laughed as Olivia helped her on to her back so she could work the lotion into Alex's belly.

She unbuttoned Alex's pajama top and sucked in a ragged breath at the site of Alex's breasts. She began rubbing the lotion methodically into Alex's skin. She paused at the crest of the belly. Placing a kiss there, she cooed, "Hi baby."

She worked her way up to Alex's breasts, and paused. Alex pulled Olivia down to her and whispered, "Make love to us."

Olivia slightly nodded as she eased Alex out of the top and bottoms. She returned the lotion to the bathroom and as she went to return to the bed, Alex stopped her.

Never breaking eye contact, she stood and slowly stripped for Alex. Alex reached for her and Olivia returned to the bed.

"I won't run out this time, I promise." Alex saw the sincerity in Olivia's eyes and nodded.

With great care, Olivia touched Alex's nipples, before capturing one between her lips.

Olivia continued to run her hands up and down Alex's body as she continued to suckle her breasts. Moving from breasts to mouth, Olivia slipped her tongue between Alex's lips. Alex sucked on Olivia's tongue as she ran her hands through Olivia's hair, down her back and to the cleft between the cheeks of her bottom.

Shifting to the side, Olivia ran her hands through Alex's hair and looked straight into her eyes.

"I hope he has your eyes." Olivia said it so quietly, Alex wasn't sure if she'd heard her or not.

Olivia eased her back onto her side, and began stroking Alex's belly. As Alex began to sigh and moan, Olivia moved lower until she could feel the heat coming from Alex. Sliding her leg between Alex's legs, Olivia gained just enough leverage to open Alex to her fingers.

Olivia dipped first one then two fingers into Alex and spread the wetness she found there all around Alex's clit, before spreading some to her nipples. Alex sucked in a harsh breath and let out a low moan.

Olivia used the tip of her tongue to spread the moisture across Alex's nipples before capturing one with her mouth.

"Holy Hell! Don't stop Liv. Please! Nobody's ever made me feel like this! Don't leave, please don't leave!"

Olivia put her lips close to Alex's ear and in a harsh whisper she said, "I'm not going anywhere baby. I promise." Then she kissed Alex long and hard as her fingers continued to move in and out of Alex in jerky motions until her hips bucked forward, taking Olivia's hand with them. Her hips continued to jerk for several moments after Olivia stilled the movement of her fingers.

Olivia pulled her close and began rubbing Alex's belly. She waited while Alex caught her breath and calmed down.

Sometime later they were lying quietly as Olivia continued to rub Alex's belly, when Alex spoke.

"You said you hoped he had my eyes." Olivia's hand faltered only briefly before she answered.

"Talk to me Liv. Tell me why you ran out on me Thursday night. I need to know, because I felt like a whore."

"Liv, at the time, you'd come to me and fucked me three times and then left. That hurt Liv. You might as well have left money on the table for services rendered."

"Alexandra Cabot, you are not anybody's whore and don't you ever say that again! I am so sorry if I made you feel that way. My leaving had nothing to do with you. I've been having these...flashbacks of something that happened when I was with Marcus. They scare me Alex, and I'm trying to cope with them. Sometimes better than others."

"Alex, I'll tell you as much as I can, but please understand there are some things that I haven't completely figured out myself. Can you live with going at my own pace? As long as I'm trying?"

"I told you Liv, as long as I feel like you're trying, I'm here for you. You are aware that had you not been my knight in shining armor today with Mac, you wouldn't be here right now?"